Chisaya mama
I believe I’m about to rattle a lot of people’s cages with this post. Brace yourself. I want to tell the world, or my immediate world, stop trying to make quinoa happen. Why, because it’s not happening. I’m not at all ready to adopt and adapt to an ancient grain-like seed, known to the Incas as, chisaya mama or, ‘mother of all grains.’
I’m pretty sure these Bolivian farmers are laughing at us.
According to Wikipedia, “Quinoa is a pseudocereal rather than a true cereal or grain, as it is not a member of the grass family.” There you have it, straight from Wikipedia.
First of all, I’ve needed lessons on how to pronounce it.
ME: “Qwin-oh-ah”
EVERY ONE ELSE: “Qin-wah” or “Keen-wah”
I don’t pick up on these things easily. The fact that it has a crazy name only intimidates me and prevents me from ordering/buying it. The makers of Quinoa need to know this. I personally don’t like feeling self-conscious. I feel the same way about the name Joaquin, as in Joaquin Phoenix. (The ONLY reason I ever allowed myself to learn his name and to like him is because he’s an animal rights advocate.) Second, some people seem way too comfortable with it, as if they grew up on it, as if it’s the same as Corn Flakes or Rice Crispies – the only two grains I approve of – and it’s not even close. Third, it came out of nowhere. How can I trust a food product that is closely related to, “beets, spinach and tumbleweeds?” Really? Tumbleweeds? When was the last time you felt like you were tumbleweed deficient? Fourth, it feels like a trendy, hipster, cool food to be involved with – like going to an oyster bar or Starbucks. I don’t like the type it attracts. Quinoa does not make you cool. It makes you an Inca wannabe. I’m just saying.
No comment.
Apparently the Spanish conquistadores forbade quinoa cultivation and forced the Incas to grow wheat instead. Okay, so the conquistadores were disgusting, barbaric, demonic, beasts. Still, on this one point I’ve gotta side with them. They knew what I know. It’s not gonna happen so don’t get too excited or involved. Sure, it’s having it’s day/year, the United Nations has declared 2013 International Year of Quinoa. (They are SO lame.) But I predict it will fall by the wayside like doo dads, Postum, and pizza flavored Doritos. Mark my words.
No one is going to be fooled by making quinoa into cookies.
Oh, they better not see this post in Brooklyn!
I’ve tried it, and while it wasn’t bad, I really didn’t see what all the fuss was about…
I knew I loved you, Guapo!!! My feelings exactly.
Good grief, this was funny. I’ve tried it too and don’t care for it. And I really, really tried. I agree with you. It has no flavor and I don’t care for the consistency.
And just to annoy people I pronounce Joaquin like this sometimes:
JOE QUIN. Then act surprised when they correct me.
Haha! I do the same thing! good times : D
It’s so bland and blah. I really hate it when people act like it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. It’s so clearly NOT.
Sorry for liking, unliking, liking, unliking, liking, unliking, then liking again. I was too excited.
I bought this crap a few months ago. Made it once and had never wasted so much time before making food. Oh my dear lord. I used to pronounce it “quin-o-nah” as if it almost rhymed with Winona. Someone came over and said “Hey you’ve got quinona” with the correct pronunciation. I knew I would hate her from then on out and I did.
Healthier alternative to rice? Yes. Yes it is. It takes 30 minutes to prepare after the 18 minutes of cooking and the time it takes to let it sit. You will have sweated off pounds by the time it’s ready to eat. Plus it’s more expensive than Uncle Ben’s rice. This means less money for other foods and hey you’re losing even more weight. I hate this crap. Anyone who responds and wants an opened box of it can have it. I have a feeling I will finish my giant container of salt before ever trying this stuff again.
I’m so happy we’re all on the same page! Don’t you hate all these people who act like it’s AMAZING! Somebody made a batch at a recent event I was at and all the women were so excited asking for the recipe. I was just rolling my eyes because I knew that most of them would never make it and just wanted to look cool and hip with their Keen-wah recipe. Barf.
I haven’t been convinced, either!
This is just proof that this little blogging community is the best. Birds of a feather flock together. I’m not convinced either and don’t have the time and inclination to implement this new food into my diet. Is it really worth all the fuss and hype? NO.
It just seems so…healthy. And I need something to be overtly delicious for me to want to eat it, you know? I know you know.
Grippy,
I L-O-V-E quinoa, but then again, I’m a hipster douchebag.
Le Clown
Hipster douchebag… I think that may be a bit redundant?
But seriously, Le Clown, I don’t think you love it as much as you think you do. I won’t allow it.
Grippy,
Le Clown loves redundancy. Le Clown loves quinoa. Le Clown is also proud that his kids love quinoa too.
Le Clown Clown
Oh. Well, if your kids love it… Then it must be good.
Oh Clown. I have nothing else to say to this.
Madame Weebles,
That is a magnificent statement, my friend.
Le Clown
I think it’s pronounced canola in Canada. Seriously though I have never heard of it but I love the word. My new goal is to try and use it in conversation. You knowa like quinna the eskimoa
Stupid spell check. Quinoa the eskimoa
I was already with you, but yeah, stupid spell check.
Haha! Good one! It will probably make it’s way up to Canada soon enough. Just wait.
John,
What a great alliteration! I suggest you take a trip to Montreal. You and I could take walks together, and have long conversations about quinoa. And if you want, you could recite your alliteration in public, and you wouldn’t have to fear being eaten alive by polar bears and “eskimoa” as I’d be there to protect you.
Le Clown
Lol this was a good one! The Conquistadors KNEW what was up. They were probably like, “Eww wtf is quinoa? That’s so ghetto. We’re not harvesting that. Give us grain and wheat like a normal society.”
I’m a historian, and I can confirm that is an actual excerpt from Cortez’s diary. If I ever make you quinoa cookies, just do me a favor and punch me in the eye socket.
I love you, Lily.
I love you too, Weebs. Always have, always will. (I just took it to the next level)
Haha! The conquistadors knew it was ghetto! I’m so glad you have Cortez’s actual diary and quote. I like having academic back up, ya know?
I’m pretty sure there’s no danger of you making me quinoa cookies since you don’t even make me chocolate chip cookies. lol!
You NEED to come to NYC and give lectures, Grippy. Seriously. People in Brooklyn and parts of Manhattan are building shrines to this stuff. You need to set them straight. I’ll pay your airfare, just get over here.
I figured New Yorkers would be all over this stuff – just part of their ‘we are the world’ nature. I’ll clear my schedule.
Never heard of it. Looks like plop.
“Looks like plop” may be the most accurate statement of all. I’ve gotta hand it to the Brits, they don’t fall for trendy food like we do. They’ve stuck with the same gruel for centuries. : )
We are going to have to just agree to disagree on this one, Lisa
I am a huge quinoa fan and we eat it at least a couple times a week. This is because we are po’ and it’s a good substitute for meat when I don’t want to eat tofu. But quinoa cookies? Um, no. I’ve heard of savory cheesy quinoa biscuits, but I draw the line at cookies.
If you eat it a couple of times a week you must really like it and therefore I can’t get on your case. I think I’m more disturbed by the coolsters that dabble in quinoa and pretend to like it. Apparently, lactose intolerant vegans, a group I know nothing about, are in love with quinoa because it satisfies their fussy needs. It also has 18% protein. See, I learned a lot from Wikipedia. For me it’s just not enough bang for my buck and too much work in the kitchen. If they come up with toaster strudel quinoa or hot pocket quinoa I’ll give it another go : )
Maybe you and Le Clown can meet up for a quinoa dinner party? He LOVES it, too.
Holy crap that sounds good! Just you wait; once Monsanto gets its hand on quinoa you will get your toaster strudel.
Oh, I’ll wait. I’ll definitely wait, and wait, and wait…. : )
Quinoa (qwin-oh-ah) is yesterday’s aspic (ass-pic).
Curmudgeon, you’re so right! I’m glad you’re as old as Methuselah to remind us of the once popular aspic. (ass-pic) Very funny!!!
savory cheesy quinoa biscuits?? Biscuits with butter please… and We stick to Rice Crispies in our house. Keen-waaa? sounds like a crying shame… I don’t like all that trendy crap either. Give me a damn bowl of rice or a good old fashioned potato.
Excellent rant here.. Enjoyed it immensely. It is a damn shame Le Clown is so metrosexual.
Postum? Now there is a flashback
I had a funny feeling you and I’d be on the same page about ancient grains. How could anyone think to try and compete with the good ol’ potato or bowl of rice? It’s lunacy.
Le Clown’s metrosexual tendencies probably make it impossible for him to read this post with any clarity. It’s a shame alright.
I actually tried to locate Postum on the black market, but no luck. I sometimes miss that little hit of chickory, and by “sometimes” I mean just one time. : )
kinda like the temptation to drink Tang and eat spam
EXACTLY like that! Haha!
I’ve had a bag in my pantry for over a year….just staring at it. Now I know to chuck it. Thanks for saving me!
Haha! Ingrid, that says it all. If this post has spared you from sampling those ancient grains then I’ve done my job : )
I probably have stuff in my pantry, too, that’s been hanging around for a year or longer – strange food that I either got talked into or read an article about, etc. All I know is quinoa does not live up to the hype and it’s a bit of work to prepare.
I must be living under a rock because I have never heard of it or the fuss about it.. Look, I’m Irish I eat potatoes..lots of potatoes although I do admit to a fondness for couscous..I don’t do fad foods ..is this the best the world can do..lol
You are funny as hell in your writing
Thanks, Lynne. Yeah, I’m a potato girl, too. If you’re living under a rock I’d like to join you — someplace where I don’t have to hear about quinoa. haha!
haha..:-)
Lol, I’m with you Lisa!
Haha! I’m glad everyone agrees!
HA HA! This post reminds me of DJ Dave “Whole Foods Parking Lot”
Haha! That’s the first time I’ve seen that. Very funny.
DJ Dave is excellent – Yoga Girl and Please Put Your Phone Down
Okay, I’m gonna check it out. Thanks for the recommend.
I had this once.
Once was enough. If I can’t pronounce it, I won’t eat it (that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it). Personally, I call it, “Blarghstuff” only I don’t say stuff. You are a brave woman to even write about Blarghstuff. I commend you!
lol! Somebody had to write about it. Every time I turn around someone is serving it up. Gross.
Hey, check out my blog today….you’ve been nominated !!!!!
Thanks, Ingrid!!, That’s incredibly kind of you. I’m flattered. : )
*after blinking a lot* Never heard of the stuff.
Still, I would be able to noa quin because there would be four others like it.
I’m fairly certain, that in time, quinoa will make it to your neck of the woods — after all, the United Nations did declare 2013 International year of Quinoa. (Now we know what they talk about behind closed doors. No wonder the world is in a state of unrest.)
…noa quin – haha!
Just watched a Chopped, and one of the mystery basket ingredients was quinoa–I heard it pronounced four different ways!!
Oh, it’s a mystery alright! It’s a mystery why anyone would eat it. lol!
I have no opinion on this, it looks like an American thing.
But on an unrelated topic, I’m going to the Olympics!
Good times, Pete. Do you think maybe I’ll spot you on television? Hahaha! just kidding. Have a great time. Which event will you attend?
Maybe! If I see myself on a big screen I’ll make sure I go mental haha, I’m going to see the Mens Football (soccer) Finals for the Gold medal on Saturday afternoon
You’ll have an amazing time, no doubt. Make sure you get some sort of souvenir. That’s a once in a lifetime sort of thing, right?
I’ll see if I can steal an Olympian while I’m there
definitely is once in a lifetime, I can’t see myself going abroad to watch it haha.
My sister-in-law texted me recently asking if we’ve “tried this quinoa stuff.” I told her we have, and we like it. Then she said “it reminds me of you guys.” Hum. So I guess that means we’re not too far off from being hipster, Inca wannabes? Crap.
Uh-oh… Only 3 people responded that they liked quinoa. Crap is right, Eric. I just want to say, Nooooooo! Et tu, Eric? Et tu?
Not quinoa cookie… marshmallow bars, like rice crispy treats.
I promise you will love them.
(If you really try that let me know how it works out for you.)
I have a box of quinoa in my cupboard. My hipster friends talked me into it. It is like Malt o Meal or something. I just can’t get into.
Okay, if they taste anything like Rice Crispy treats and marshmallows, I’m in. I’ll let you know. I can’t help making fun of stuff like this because it popped up on my radar in a big way, it begs the question, “what the heck is all the commotion about?”
This was hilarious! I’m afraid to say — I eat quinoa just about every day!
Haha! Well, you’re not alone — there are 3 other people that love it. Eat up and enjoy!