Somebody That I Used To Know…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fq2QKo8n_5g
“Somebody That I Used to Know”
I had tender feelings that you made hard
But it’s your heart, not mine, that’s scarred
So when I go home I’ll be happy to go
You’re just somebody that I used to know
You don’t need my help anymore
It’s all now to you, there ain’t no before
Now that you’re big enough to run your own show
You’re just somebody that I used to know
I watched you deal in a dying day
And throw a living past away
So you can be sure that you’re in control
You’re just somebody that I used to know
I know you don’t think you did me wrong
And I can’t stay this mad for long
Keeping ahold of what you just let go
You’re just somebody that I used to know
-Elliott Smith-
he says or sings it perfectly as if it were written for you (hugs)
Thanks, LouAnn. He has a very tragic story, actually. Isn’t that always the way for people with that kind of raw emotional talent?
Thanks for the hugs – I need ‘em.
amazing how he used it to come out this way–it was beautiful but as you say–it came from a place most of us know but do not want to visit
I like this song. It seems that some people with tragic stories can reach people with the truth because they may be closer to it.
I totally agree with that. He was too raw and sensitive for this world. Because he was so fragile, he was able to reach a lot of people. Sad.
Glad this posted–it’s raw, to the bone, honest, ripping at the heart. It makes me purse my lips in anger for you and, at the same time, want to wrap you in cotton and protect your poor heart. You and I know you’ll make it through, it’s the slogging along that is just so tough for now. Always there to lend a shoulder, my friend, should you need one.
With affection and respect,
Addie
For me, it’s perfect. It captures the exact right mood. Yes, raw to the bone and oh so honest. Thanks Addie, slogging along is pretty much what I’m doing. xoxo
Lisa, I was just thinking about you. I am praying for you. I just want to tell you one thing… I promise that he will regret it one day… long after you have moved on… They always do.. **ALL ** of them do!!!
And in a way, it is a kind of validation that is worth more than anything you will ever be able to put a dollar value on. I have no doubt that someday… you will track me down and tell me I am right. In the mean time, it hurts like hell. If only I could give you a glimpse into the future, it would be a softer place to fall… Just in the knowledge of knowing you will get that affirming moment. And it will be too late for him and because you are who you are… you wont feel the victory as much as you imagined you would today.
I know. I have been there. It is a good feeling to know that they admit that you were the best thing in their life but it is so sad because even though you have the control in the end, it is the end of a chapter.
But you will have many more to write.
And I wish I had, had someone that could have told me the five little words that I longed to hear and I wish I could have believed… but I am telling you honey,
“It’s going to be okay.”
Love ya,
di
That’s just about the sweetest and best comment I could’ve received this evening. I’m hurting pretty badly and there seems to be no end in sight. I’m feeling bruised and broken.
I trust that what you write is true – I know it comes from your heart, Di, and that’s a really wonderful source of comfort and wisdom.
Thanks, kind friend.
Much love,
Lisa
xoxo
Lisa- I wish there was something I can say or do that would take away your pain. Just know you are in my heart and in my prayers. -Audra
Thanks, my friend. xoxo
What a perfect song. “But it’s your heart, not mine, that’s scarred.” says a lot. Nothing is wrong with you, and you did nothing wrong. You get to feel good and know that you always were the best person you could be in the relationship. That’s the best part.
Love ya mom, you’re the best
Thanks, my sweet Lil. xoxo
Lisa, I’m so sorry you’re hurting. You will get through this. It will get better and you will be happy again. Just take it one day at a time. Hugs – Amy
Thanks for the hugs, Amy. Even though they’re virtual, they’re always felt.
Can’t say enough things in support of you, Lisa.
But like the song says, you have your class,dignity and integrity intact. Eff him.
(But keep the horse he rode in on.)
(Who doesn’t like horses?)
(And good nachos)
(With lots of stuff on them, and not just a thin layer on a pile of salty chips.)
(He can have those. We’re getting the good ones.)
This tangent into wtf was brought to you (in hopes of bringing a smile) with sincere affection from someone who knows you’re going to be okay, and is happy to lend support for as long as you need it.
And yes, some of the nachos too.
Guapo, your comment means more to me than you’ll ever know. I might have to frame it. Behind the humor (you always make me laugh) is a very kind message that bolsters me up a bit and steadies me. I’m so glad I get to call you my friend. xoxo
You ok?
Not really. I’ve had a couple of rough days. I wish I could turn off the ‘replay’ in my head. I’ll say visits to your blog are always a nice distraction.
Thanks for asking, John. I’ll get through.
“I get by with a little help from my friends…”
We will be here.
Breathe in, breathe out. You’ve lost something that you’ve had with you for a very long time. I’m sure it almost feels that a part of you is missing even though that part may have caused you pain — and still is. It’s all part of the grieving process as you know, Lisa and it feels surreal and bad, I know. Sometimes it helps to try and step back and figure out what stage you’re in. It keeps you from feeling so crazy, you know? You’ll get closer to that anger stage and that will feel good. For now, try to be gentle with yourself, remind yourself what a kind and beautiful person you are and know that life will be wonderful again for you. Be well my friend — sending you healing thoughts and prayers. Xxoo
Brigitte and Lynne,
There’s more to this whole thing than meets the eye – as if it wasn’t bad enough. It was around 2 years ago that I wrote my family off. They were cruel to me and hurt me beyond anything I could imagine. The pain comes from allowing myself to be trusting and vulnerable. So I did what I should have done a long time ago, I cut them out of my life. It’s been very painful.
The idea that my husband, knowing that I was already struggling with those issues, would follow this up with another act of cruelty and betrayal and pull the rug out from under me when I was barely standing, is almost unbearable. All I have left are my two children, a fist full of friends (they’re living their lives, busy and happy with their families) and my very kind blogging friends. The other day somebody asked me for an emergency contact # and I started to cry. I think that pretty much sums it up.
I want to be angry and full of rage – I know it’s just beneath the surface but I’m also scared to unleash it. It will be meaner and scarier than cat shit. (I know, I like that expression, too.) I also don’t know if I have the energy for any of it just yet – I think I’m still in shock and feeling devastated. I haven’t even fully processed that my life just took a very, very sharp turn. I just want the loop of hurt and betrayal to stop playing in my head on instant replay. Sometimes knowing too much is a curse – in this case, some ignorance would be bliss. I tend to intellectualize my feelings and then I get all blocked up. It’s hard for me to sometimes just breathe and feel my feelings.
I’m also keenly aware of what a drag all of this is and that blogging about it is such a downer. I don’t want people to feel they have to go pick Lisa up off the floor before they start their day! haha! The idea of that doesn’t make me happy, especially when I started my blog as a light-hearted writing romp.
Still, it does feel like a safe place to record my moods. I know I’ll be forever grateful for the bounty of goodness and wisdom I have found in you, my choice friends. You’re dear to me – more than you could possibly know.
Hugs and lots of love,
Lisa
xoxo
Lisa,
thank you for that note….if I can add ( as a seasoned “widow”).. I got plenty angry, punched the hell out of pillows and such but never once contacted him ..I refused to let him think his foolish actions still had control over me.. I willingly gave up my control during those 20 years..A bitter pill to swallow, but the signs were there years before the split and I refused to see them. Having said that, being all Buddha-like is not easy for everyone, so get angry just keep it private. Remember the high road I talked about?
(PS- the little minx he left me for and had a child with? she left him a few months ago.. I called it years ago..see he (and yours) can not ever really hide their fractures.. so you my friend will heal, find inner strength and have quality of life..they will continue to revolve in their own demise.
This is all true for me, as well – when you’ve been taken for granted for so long it’s sweet justice to make yourself unavailable. (That doesn’t mean that it’s not hard to stop feeling, I can’t turn it on and off like a light switch, but you have to start somewhere.) Restoring my sense of self, my sense of order and control, is my top priority. (It’s not been easy but then again this process just started.)
Hidden fractures and revolving in their own demise – Oh, I’m right there with you on this. Someone who changes their circumstances, their geography or the person their with shouldn’t expect life to change in any meaningful way. The big profound changes come from deep inside a person. You either do your soul searching “work” or you live in a perpetual state of emotional ignorance, wreaking havoc and causing pain to others and yourself as you go. It’s so foolish to think that making a few life swaps will get you a new life. It just gets you more of the same. Some people don’t want to dig deep and do what’s necessary to grow-up and wise up. So they get what they deserve.
I always love your counsel, Lynne. Such a wise soul.
Vent all you need. We get it. Xxoo
I know you do. Thanks, Brig! xoxo
I equate your situation to how mine was.. It was a death with no funeral.. no black dresses, only heavy hearts. Our (your) dreams, families, ways of life all died except we are the ones singing the funeral march. Brigitte is right, there are 5 stages of grief, and anger is coming and when it does and when it’s over that is when you have this nice clean space inside . You will then breathe and know, it’s okay..
Your journey has been rough but I know you will get through the fire and have a most wonderful place on the other side of the pit..
Hugs to you Lisa!!
A death with no funeral – that’s it exactly. Looking for the other side of the pit, so far just vast nothingness. My message above was for you and Brigitte I combined for obvious reasons.
Thanks, my sister.
xox
that vast nothingness is a helluva sight better than one filled with lies, deceit, pain and unworth..Yes?
http://sphotos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/s480x480/546832_529590953728951_1975971787_n.jpg
You’re just crazy, Pete.
For a moment I thought you were inspired to write a poem based on the song by Gotye.
Then I figured out the truth. Is it a family thing to trick people into thinking you wrote that poem?
Beautiful text, that is. Hope you’re doing well, ’cause I think we often tend to forget the bad things that happened to other people, while they will remember for a long, long time…
Ha! Thanks, Astrid!! Elliott Smith is amazing and I just thought the lyrics to that song fit what I was feeling, almost perfectly.
When I first read this I thought you wrote it too Lisa. Not having an emergency contact number breaks my heart. You can use my number. It may take me a couple days to get there (hopefully it will be a slow emergency), but I’ll be there with bells on! (Unless you have a migraine, then I’ll take the bells off!) Oh but Lisa, my heart goes out to you. If only there was a fast forward button on life. This would definitely be the time to push it. I think you are going through the painful yet profound process of a great cleansing and renewal! Where everything is righted and you will start fresh. I truly believe that this renewal is a gift for you. You deserve to have love in your life, not fake narcissistic love where you have to pick through to see what belongs to you, but a true easy love that’s mostly laughter and sunshine. You couldn’t stay where you were because you out grew it. You’ve graduated in a way. And it breaks my heart but at the same time makes me happy for what awaits you, my friend –sending you much, much love Lisa <3
Linda, I’ve been through the wars, lately. Somedays I feel like I’m barely scraping by (emotionally). Lots of tears. I read something recently by Martha Beck that caught my attention. She described times like this as the “rumble strip” on life’s highway. She said it was something to wake us up and suggested applying the brakes and going in a different direction. She’s funny, so I kept reading. I like this analogy. It goes along with what you’re saying. It feels like a major course correction. I can just hear the angels that God assigned to me, “Oy! This one refuses to see the sign posts! Hey, let’s give her a rumble strip, that’ll wake her up!!”
Your offer to be my emergency contact is dear to me. Little do you know that you’re already sort of my emergency contact! All I have to do is go over to your posts on any given day and I feel uplifted. You have given me the gift of laughter and frienship. Just knowing that you’d be here in a couple days, lol!, is such a kind comfort. I’ll make sure it’s not a migraine, it would be a much more dramatic rescue if you were wearing bells – and that way, I’d hear you coming!
Seriously, I’m going to get through this. I am. No worries. It’s just challenging me to dig deep. I’ve always thought of myself as strong but this knocked me for a loop. Once I get through this I’ll have Herculean strength! And such wisdom!
I’m going to send you an email that I received today. It left me almost speechless and gave me goosebumps. It confirmed to me that God is watching over us. I have no doubt.
Your loving spirit is such a blessing to me, Linda. Thank you. xoxo
Oh Lisa. You are such a beautiful person. I am so lucky to have gotten to meet up with you in this life. I think we probably go way back in other lifetimes somewhere. There is so much feeling and caring between every line you write. Even in this awful horrible time that you are going through, you still manage to shine your light on all of us and it truly is uplifting!
Oh the dreaded rumble strip. What a perfect analogy! All we can do is close our eyes and hold on tight! It’s so scarey, like a bad dream. But you eventually get past it. I will look for that e-mail Lisa. And thank you so much for sending it. xoxo!