PERSONAL BILL OF RIGHTS
I’m not sure who came up with this list, but I’ve used it time and again to help clients/patients stand on firmer emotional ground. It’s a good reminder, especially for those of us who struggle with a fragile sense of self. Go ahead and tape it to your refrigerator. It’s great for the whole family and can encourage important discussion.
1. I have the right to ask for what I need.
2. I have the right to say no to requests or demands that I cannot meet.
3. I have the right to express all of my feelings – positive and negative.
4. I have a right to change my mind.
5. I have a right to make mistakes and not be perfect.
6. I have a right to follow my own values and beliefs.
7. I have the right to say NO to anything if I feel I’m not ready, if it is unsafe, or if it conflicts with my values.
8. I have the right to determine my own priorities.
9. I have the right not to be responsible for the actions, feelings, or behaviors of others. I am not a reflection of anyone else and no one is a reflection of me.
10. I have the right to expect honesty from others.
11. I have the right to be angry at someone I love.
12. I have the right to be myself, to be unique.
13. I have the right to express fear.
14. I have the right to say, “I don’t know.”
15. I have the right not to give reasons or excuses for my behavior.
16. I have the right to make decisions based on my own feelings.
17. I have the right to my own personal space and time.
18. I have the right to be playful.
19. I have the right to be healthier than those around me.
20. I have the right to feel safe and be in a non-abusive environment.
21. I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
22. I have the right to change and grow.
23. I have the right to have my wants and needs respected by others.
24. I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
25. I have the right to be happy.
Wow! That is a long list!! Bob Newhart was one of my very favorites! Like a wise father, who really had the answers. Love the list… but the issue I find hard to deal with is: I may have the right to those things, but I hate having to explain or defend those rights. Smart Guy needs are reason for nearly everything. Ugh. The list is important, but it’s hard to agree that those rights shouldn’t have to be defended. It’s great that you are out there supporting your clients in feeling entitled to some of this. Way to go Lisa!
Of course I agree that the explaining and defending is the worst part! I guess we have the right not to defend! LOL! At least it creates a place to start from, someplace to feel secure. It validates, I think, what our instinct tells us – you know, the instinct that we shush all the time, the instinct that we ignore…? Yeah, that one.
People have the right to say no? I never knew that. I’m waiting on about 50 people to help me with a favor they agreed to help me with. They disappeared not long after I asked them. What is it with people’s fear of saying no? I’d rather receive the rejection then sit around waiting for something that will never come.
It’s much better for everyone involved when people can step up and honestly say, “No.” I think people have a fear of disappointing others or losing approval, etc. No one wants to come from a place of “No.” My gosh, what would people think!!? Seriously, sometimes there is more damage done by stringing people along than there would be if someone was honest in their feelings. People who avoid uncomfortable confrontation and admissions due more harm in the long run. It ends up being ego driven.
It’s a very common problem for people my age. I cannot think of a single friend/associate I have that has not done it to me. I imagine them cowering, fearful of what I might do if they say no. I have a great memory, good detective skills, and enjoy a good vendetta so they’re better off being upfront than sneaky because I will probably end up sneaking back.
hahah! If it happens that often maybe you should start telling people – it’s okay to say NO. Or you could say, “Think about it first and let me know, but it’s okay to say NO. I’d rather have a definitive answer than be strung along.” You could also say that “Lately I’ve had a lot of issues with people who say yes when they mean no – so don’t worry if the answer is no. I can take it.” People appreciate someone who gives them room to get out. I try to never back anyone into a corner because I hate it when people that do that to me.
I have done that but usually it doesn’t change things. It’s also tough to balance giving them that immediate out because more often than not people would rather sit and not do anything than to do something. The worst is when a person makes up an obvious lie or “forgets” they were supposed to do something you reminded them about every day for a week. People are lame but we all already knew that.
People are lame. I totally agree.
Because I never waste an opportunity to bring him up…
I wonder if once we interact with others, we must allow them the same rights, and probably loosen up a little when it comes to some of ours.
Absolutely! I think we need to apply the same respect and courtesy to other people. It’s a two way street. It wouldn’t be right or healthy to expect other people to live by your personal bill of rights if you weren’t willing to live by theirs.
As for loosening up – I think all of these things fall in the gray zone and can be loosened to feel comfortable. Some like, “I have the right to change and grow” don’t need to be altered, though. I think that’s a given. Anyone who would interfere with someone’s emotional growth and not permit them the chance to change, is probably unhealthy and not someone that we would want to have an intimate relationship with.
I agree with the list!
It’s a good one, I think — at least a good starting point.
Hehe! Oh yes Bob Newhart was a therapist wasn’t he! I love this list.
haha! He was so mild mannered.
He probably would have been afraid of me. LOL!
This is a great list! I’m going to tuck a copy into my toolbox to share with clients who need it. So few people realize that they are free to do those things. How do we learn to fear being ourselves so much that we are afraid to express these things with others? It seems rampant in our society. Is fear of rejection inherent in our nature as human beings? Just thinking out loud.
Thanks for the post – really good stuff here. – Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach
Thanks, Sandy! I’m afraid sometimes we take for granted that everyone knows and understands these very basic principles. Fear seems to be at the root of so much that is wrong with our relationships. I suppose, once we get emotionally wounded we have a difficult time being that vulnerable again. You’re right, it seems like fear of rejection and disapproval is epidemic in our society. The worst part of it is that people are looking for external, quick fixes rather than looking inside themselves.
Is fear of rejection inherent in our nature? Good question. I think protective fear probably is – like an instinct that keeps you physically and emotionally safe. But I don’t think that living in a chronic fear-state with regard to rejection and fitting in, is part of our nature and I’m afraid that’s what we’re both observing. Maybe the stakes are especially high nowadays – being vulnerable is too great a risk? GreatLisa thought provoking comment – I’m right there with you.
Lisa
PS- I’d love to know more about the Freedom Coach title. I’m intrigued. I’ve considered becoming a coach but haven’t looked too deeply into it. Do you enjoy it?
I LOVE coaching – it’s an amazing experience. To come alongside someone who is looking for support or direction or just needs a sounding board to sort things out. I tell people – “It’s like having a professional best friend!” You can tell a coach anything and they are committed to giving you support and feedback on what is best for YOU. This is different than talking to a friend or family member about your challenges in life because they tend to give you biased advice – what THEY want you to do.
If you want to know more, feel free to check out my site. I’ve got videos, articles, etc. I also send out a newsletter once a month on tips to becoming your best self. And I blog, of course.
Here’s the site: http://www.destinysfreedom.com
Thanks for asking!
P.S. Do you know a way for me to be notified if you reply to me without getting everyone’s post to this page? I’m not that familiar with the blog tools on WordPress. Any idea if this is possible?
Up in the top right side of the wordpress screen is a little orange thought bubble. That will hopefully light up when there has been a response to your comments. I’m laughing because I’ve done the same thing and received 100+ notifications from this very popular blogger. It went on for days. I learned quickly not to casually sign up for comments to any of the posts. Hope that helps.
The coaching sounds cool. Do I get a degree or certified at a specific school or do they offer classes at most colleges/universities? Just wondering…
I’ll go check out your blog.
Ok, I’ll try the notifications area like you suggested. It didn’t turn orange for me and it has yet to update your most recent response (which I got with about 15 other emails). So much to learn with each new technology I embrace!
Anyway, coaching – yes, there’s a certification and training you can pursue if you want to. ICF is the largest one I’ve heard of. You do not have to be certified as a coach – there’s no licensing required. But training is definitely a good idea if you are not familiar with coaching. I decided to get my Master’s degree in Mental Health Counseling so that I would know when someone needed more help than a coach can provide (and I’m also really interested in mental health). It’s important to know your limits and not try to “coach” someone who really needs a therapist!
Feel free to email me (my address is on the blog and on my site) if you have any questions. – Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach
Such a simple thing, yet such an important thing to keep in mind. Sometimes you can feel like you have those rights, but other people can make you feel like you don’t or that you shouldn’t be able to be free and who you are. Nice one!
Some people have such a fragile sense of self that they don’t even realize that they can assert their needs – It’s sad in a way, that there are people who struggle with the simplest of things. I guess we can’t take anything for granted.
This is a wonderful list, Lisa. I couldn’t agree more. Loved Bob Newhart too!
Thanks, Amy! Bob Newhart always made me laugh.
Great list, Grippy!
Shouldn’t there be one more at the bottom:
- I have the right to remove myself from the company of anyone who tries to abrogate or diminsh my rights.
Thanks, Guapo!
That may be the most important one of all – the right to get rid of toxic relationships or anyone who doesn’t respect your rights. Good one.
Dear Gripping
A great pre-weekend post
Whilst one agrees 100% The Dandy would add
“I have responsibilities too”
as a coda.
I’m sure the estimable Mr Newhart did…
Yours ever
The Perfumed Dandy
Yes, of course!! We all have responsibilities. I, for one, would like as little responsibility as I can manage.
Thank you, Dandy.
Have a beautiful weekend!
Gripping
Dear Gripping
My main responsibility in life is to smell good.
That done everything else seems to fit into place.
Yours ever
The Perfumed Dandy
This makes complete sense. Obviously you have your priorities in the proper sequence.
You also have the right to bop anyone who interferes with the rights aforesaid!
haha! ABSOLUTELY!!
Such a great list and one that I need to read more often. Love number 12 (and Bob Newhart) and this list. Happy weekend, Lisa. xo
12 is a good one. It’s sad that there are actually people in circumstances that really NEED this reminder, because they’ve lost touch with their own value as a human being. Bob Newhart always made me laugh. YOU have a happy weekend, my beautiful friend!! xoxo
Everyone should have this list on the thier ‘frig. I am going to print it out and give the list to my daughters.
Your blog is on fire lately, lady. Have a great night!
haha! Yeah, it’s really on fire – just a lot of smoke, I’m afraid.
You’re so great, Audra with your uplifting and encouraging comments. It’s a good thing we don’t live close to each other because I would come over and hug you, and I know how much you’d love that!! tee hee
Ok do now I get to yell at You and tell you to shut Your yap. You’re fabulous and an awesome writer.
Mmm a hug eh? Catch me if ya can
hahaha! That really gave me a funny visual!!! Me, chasing you down the road!!
Straight off the bat
1. I have the right to ask for what I need.
I need my Lisa and Lillington!
Now you have even more reason to visit
aww… Pete!!!! You’d be surprised how often Lillington and I talk about visiting. We are, after all, President and Vice President of your fan club. (American Division)
Woo! I won’t ask which one is which haha. I’ll have to buy you both “I Met Pete Howorth And All I Got Was This T-Shirt” t-shirts!
We already have them and wear them proudly. We have them in every color.
And of course, I’m the President!!
Woo! President Lisa!
I can easily live with this list.
It’s a good one, right? Are you okay? Long time no see… Are you home from Aunt Lee’s?? I hope you had a relaxing time and that all is well. xoxox
Oh, Ms. Lisa! Pure wisdom and so giving. I could kiss you, thank you very much for the personal bill of rights – it’s a beauty, like you.
xox, V
You are so kind. Thank you, Vickie. I don’t know anyone who could read this list and not benefit from being reminded of these simple and important truths. Sometimes we lose our way without recognizing that our path is getting darker and more remote. This list is just breadcrumbs back to a better place.
xoxox
I’d call it a piping hot cinnamon raisin loaf and a bracing cup of coffee.
You are the best, xox, V
Oh I like this Bill of rights.. I think these should be handed to all new parents at the hospital and given to their children. Drill it in our heads from youngsters so we don’t forget.
Great list and thanks for sharing
I agree! That would be a great place to first be introduced to your Personal Bill of Rights. It would be wonderful if this list found it’s way into classrooms, as well.
Reblogged this on On the Homefront and commented:
I think this Personal Bill of Rights leads directly to a Life Of Bliss. I think each and every one is important–but my favourites are 1, 2, 4. 6, 9. 10. 11, 12. 13. 14. 24 and 25. Which ones give you the most bliss?
btw: I hardly ever reblog — this is more than worthy
thank you for this Lisa–a wonderful list!
Oh My!!!! Thank you Lou Ann!! It’s such an honor to have my post re-blogged by YOU! You’re always so kind – there’s a warmth from you that jumps right off my computer screen. I only wish I lived near by so I could give you a real hug.
I think you’re right that living this list could easily lead to living a blissful life. It starts with an understanding of the simplest things, after all.
Love and hugs!!
Lisa
That is a pretty good list to live by….There are so many good ones but I especially like ” I have the right not to be perfect’ and ‘to expect honesty from others’…..Diane
Diane, those are two of my favorites as well. If only we could keep them fresh and at the forefront of our everyday activities! Thank you for this comment!
Lisa
We have the right… to be ourselves. Aptly said!
Thank you!! I think it’s simple but very important.
Lisa
Sweetheart, WordPress is going all funky on me! Was trying to respond to you on my blog, but I’ve been thwarted. I wanted to apologize for the link I sent you with the picture of my living room, the picture is fine, the time of year most definitely was not. I apologize. Your friend and a supreme knucklehead with lots of love, V
I thought it was gorgeous. If I were to move anywhere in Los Angeles it would be Pasadena. Those are the homes that I adore – they remind me of Scarsdale New York. Charming, sophisticated, understated elegance. Perfect. There’s no knucklehead in sight from what I can see.
wonderful list of reminders.
Having been a counsellor for nearly 30 years, I find that mostly the reason people find it hard to claim and live by these rights, is that they’ve grown up feeling powerless… until we re-think how we parent our children, this will always be an issue
Valerie, I couldn’t agree with you more. Those of us from closed, shame-bound families know all too well what it feels like to be powerless. We grow up unaware that these are our rights as human beings, separate from our parents. To move away from the ego mass and into your own existence is completely liberating. I think this list is good for everyone, like you said, just as a gentle reminder.
Thanks for your great comment!!
Lisa
What a great list! thank you!
Glad you like it!
I am going to embrace this list! Thank you!
It’s a good refresher. Glad you like it!
As I was writing back to you, I was playing the song and you inspired me! As I finish my book, I am going to play seventies songs and pray for inspirations!!!
Yay! I like that idea. 70′s songs are so great for changing the mood and inspiring. Are you close to finishing?
Great list.
Paulette
Thanks, Paulette!
Fantastic list. I’ll be reblogging it tomorrow.
Oh, I’m so glad you like it! Thank you! I think it’s a good reminder – so simple and yet we forget that we have these rights as human beings.
Reblogged this on Real Life Farm Wife and commented:
I sure hope my family reads this.
Thanks, Janet!!