The Art Of Napping

There are very few things in life that bring me as much comfort as a good old fashion nap. I think most people would agree that dozing off in the middle of the day and waking up disoriented is pretty much the same thing as taking an awesome drug. Sleep is my drug of choice, next to food. There are a few varieties of naps that I think warrant a brief discussion.

The Power Nap – a short, abbreviated, yuppie , snooze in the middle of the day. (Yuppie, because this is the only kind of nap they can fess up to.) This is reserved for movers and shakers, corporate people, etc. Everything is crammed into 20 minutes at which point you wake and feel refreshed. Donald Trump takes power naps. I’m not personally a fan of this nap.

Obviously the power nap.

The Avoiders Nap – this nap involves a purposeful retreat to your bed with the intention of sulking and pretending that you’re very upset (angry, sad, whatever.) The hope is that someone will follow you into the bedroom, sit on the edge of the bed and kindly apologize, say you’re right or at least validate your feelings. When no one shows up you basically drift off and when you wake you are crabby beyond belief. You have now just multiplied your bad feelings by sleeping on them.

The Siesta – you can only take this type of nap in a country that recognizes it as a legitimate nap form. So, basically Spain, which makes me want to move there, but not enough, if I have to eat Paella all the time. I’m just saying…

The Paralyzing Nap – This nap is a planned, I can’t keep my eyes open any longer so I’m crawling in deep between the covers, nap. Sleep comes upon this napper like a two by four to the head. There’s some tingling of limbs from where you are sleeping incorrectly.  When the body loses all it’s ability to move and it feels as though you’re flat lining, you have entered the gates of sleep paralysis. This is about the time that you begin drooling. Coming out of this nap is pretty rough, I’m not gonna lie. The last time I had one of these I not only lost track of time, I didn’t know what I was. Seriously, for a moment I forgot I was human. It took time, but I eventually snapped out of it. It was a close call.

Good luck coming out of this one.

In a nutshell, naps are hard to time perfectly and they don’t always provide the desired results. There is definitely a nap continuum. All naps fall somewhere between Power and Paralysis. Oh, and one more thing, naps can be addicting, just ask the country of Spain.

What did I learn about myself from this discussion of naps? That I will always put my need for sleep before anyone else’s well being.

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