The things I carried…

I thought it might be worthwhile to examine the things I carry. (I put the title in past tense to reference the book by Tim O’ Brien, ‘The Things They Carried’) I know it would be extremely irreverent of me to compare the things I carry in my handbag to the things a Viet Nam soldier would carry during the war, but here goes.

Too bad they didn't make Purel back then.

Handbags are full of compartments, both hidden and visible. When I buy a purse, I try to find one with as many pockets as possible. As of yet, no one has created one with a file cabinet, but I know that day is coming. I also try and find one that is fairly light weight so that I don’t run the risk of looking like Quasimoto one day. Always a fear…

The Things I Carry…

Have Rinna, will travel.

I carry a wallet. That’s pretty standard for all people, but I think women have bigger wallets because, not only do they carry money and credit cards, they carry photos of their children, friends, and family members through the ages, as well as magazine clippings of haircuts they love, etc. For instance, I never go anywhere without a picture of Lisa Rinna. What if I were traveling and needed an emergency cut and style? Well, I’d simply pull out one of my many pictures of Lisa Rinna and the stylist would know exactly what to do. Emergency thwarted! Since soldiers have buzz cuts this is one less thing for them to carry.

Speaking of family, moms usually carry their children’s birth certificates, social security cards, passports, library cards, and all other documentation. We do this for three reasons; 1. we don’t trust our children with important things 2. we might have to prove that these young people are related to us. 3. It puts us in control of their lives. They don’t exist without us.

There are quite a few beauty items that you will find in any female’s handbag. They’re just standard issue and include the following; a mirror, tissue, lip gloss, mascara, a tweezer for any rogue hairs around your eyebrow or if you find a stray hair on your chin, but obviously that’s never happend to me. Tweezers can also be used to separate clumpy lashes, pierce through and open difficult bags and boxes while you’re sitting in the car, and, in an emergency, tweezers can be used as a lethal weapon. (Keys can also be a weapon.)

Unlike most soldiers women have to carry monthly supplies. You know what I’m talking about. This is where the pockets come in handy. There’s nothing worse than having your handbag over turned and watching your tampons fly out in all directions. So embarrassing! Ugh!

Here are some additional items that you will find in my purse; 3 pairs of glasses,  coupons and gift certificates, pens, my checkbook, stamps, Ipod, address book– in case you need to mail something while you’re out, earrings, gum, a small piece of chocolate, a bottle of water, cell phone, nail polish– in case you have time for a quick pedicure, a  comb, and finally some sort of pain medication.

I think you can see that I’m ready for anything life throws at me, as long as it’s not a grenade! haha!