The worst lyrics ever…

M U S I C   M O N D A Y

We’ve all heard a song or two, maybe more, with lyrics that make us either cringe or laugh hysterically because they’re so bad.

I tried to jog my memory, with regard to what I feel are some of the worst song lyrics ever written, and I came up with these 4 winners.

Do you have a worst song lyric to add to this list? Please share. I love a good laugh.

This horse looks like it has no name and probably, no owner.

America –  “Horse With No Name.

“There were plants and birds and rocks and things.”

This song is so bad that even as a pre-teen I was embarrassed. It’s hard to make a kid cringe but the group, America, managed to do it. For the record, I actually like America. This was, at the time, a catchy song but the lyrics are just painful.

Captain and Tennille – “Muskrat Love”

Is this Sam or Susie? I can’t tell?

Muskrat Susie, Muskrat Sam do the Jitterbug in Muskrat Land; And they shimmy- Sam is so skinny”


“And now he’s ticklin’ her fancy, rubbin’ her toes; Muzzle to muzzle, now anything goes; As they wriggle, Sue starts to giggle.”

Could lyrics get any worse than this? Seriously? Can you believe this was on popular radio stations? It was a top ten hit — I think? (too lazy to look it up! haha!)

Starland Vocal Band – “Afternoon Delight”

Does anyone actually see sky rockets when they’re being intimate? I’m just asking?

“My motto’s always been; when it’s right it’s right; Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?; When everything’s a little clearer in the light of day; And you know the night is always gonna be there anyway.”    


“Rubbin’ sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite and the thought of lovin’ you is getting so exciting.”

If that’s his motto, then his IQ is around 75. I knew this song was nasty as a kid and I really didn’t even understand the lyrics. Probably just the way everyone squirmed a little when it came on the radio. (Now it’s one of my closet favorites – but it’s always going to remain bad.)

Rupert Holmes – Escape (The Pina Colada Song)

“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain; If you’re not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain; If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape; I’m the lady you’ve looked for, write to me and escape.”


“So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place; I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face; It was my own lovely lady, and I said, “Oh, it’s you.” And we laughed for a moment, and I said “I never knew”… That you love Pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.”

Okay, does anyone find it disturbing that they laughed for a moment? I’d be swearing up a storm if I caught my husband trying to have an affair. Nice marriage. Consider that neither one knew the other liked Pina Coladas or making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape. There is just too much wrong with this song – and yet, if I hear it on the radio I sing along anyway. I know, pathetic.

(Later in college I heard someone sing… If you like Penis a lotta. Lol!!!) From now on, you’re all gonna sing it this way!

I should mention that Paul Anka’s, “Having My Baby” gets an honorable mention. This Valentines Day I would recommend flowers instead of a baby, though. I’m just saying.