The worst lyrics ever…
M U S I C M O N D A Y
We’ve all heard a song or two, maybe more, with lyrics that make us either cringe or laugh hysterically because they’re so bad.
I tried to jog my memory, with regard to what I feel are some of the worst song lyrics ever written, and I came up with these 4 winners.
Do you have a worst song lyric to add to this list? Please share. I love a good laugh.
This horse looks like it has no name and probably, no owner.
America – “Horse With No Name.“
“There were plants and birds and rocks and things.”
This song is so bad that even as a pre-teen I was embarrassed. It’s hard to make a kid cringe but the group, America, managed to do it. For the record, I actually like America. This was, at the time, a catchy song but the lyrics are just painful.
Captain and Tennille – “Muskrat Love”
Is this Sam or Susie? I can’t tell?
Muskrat Susie, Muskrat Sam do the Jitterbug in Muskrat Land; And they shimmy- Sam is so skinny”
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE
“And now he’s ticklin’ her fancy, rubbin’ her toes; Muzzle to muzzle, now anything goes; As they wriggle, Sue starts to giggle.”
Could lyrics get any worse than this? Seriously? Can you believe this was on popular radio stations? It was a top ten hit — I think? (too lazy to look it up! haha!)
Starland Vocal Band – “Afternoon Delight”
Does anyone actually see sky rockets when they’re being intimate? I’m just asking?
“My motto’s always been; when it’s right it’s right; Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?; When everything’s a little clearer in the light of day; And you know the night is always gonna be there anyway.”
MORE…
“Rubbin’ sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite and the thought of lovin’ you is getting so exciting.”
If that’s his motto, then his IQ is around 75. I knew this song was nasty as a kid and I really didn’t even understand the lyrics. Probably just the way everyone squirmed a little when it came on the radio. (Now it’s one of my closet favorites – but it’s always going to remain bad.)
Rupert Holmes – Escape (The Pina Colada Song)
“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain; If you’re not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain; If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape; I’m the lady you’ve looked for, write to me and escape.”
SO THE AFFAIR IS INITIATED. BOTH PARTIES AGREE TO MEET AND THEN THIS.
“So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place; I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face; It was my own lovely lady, and I said, “Oh, it’s you.” And we laughed for a moment, and I said “I never knew”… That you love Pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.”
Okay, does anyone find it disturbing that they laughed for a moment? I’d be swearing up a storm if I caught my husband trying to have an affair. Nice marriage. Consider that neither one knew the other liked Pina Coladas or making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape. There is just too much wrong with this song – and yet, if I hear it on the radio I sing along anyway. I know, pathetic.
(Later in college I heard someone sing… If you like Penis a lotta. Lol!!!) From now on, you’re all gonna sing it this way!
I should mention that Paul Anka’s, “Having My Baby” gets an honorable mention. This Valentines Day I would recommend flowers instead of a baby, though. I’m just saying.
He begins to shake and cough
Just like the old man in that book by Nabokov
-Don’t Stand (Too Close To Me) by the Police
They really should be arrested for that drivel.
And for horribly mangling the pronunciation of “Nabokov”. Knew a Russian girl ages ago who hated Sting for that.
And yet, I still sing along! For a while it made me feel smart that I knew who Nabokov was. Now it’s just a bad lyric.
And of course anything by Nickelback. Most notably Photograph and the song that starts “I like your pants around your feet.” Learn some to be a little subtle you blonde bearded fool.
And yet no hate for AC/DC Shake A Leg “stop your grinnin and drop your linen for me?
(Which is a good song)
I never heard that one. If anything that makes Nickelback worse. They’re copying stealing terrible lyrics.
On a side note, I always thought “Shook Me All Night Long” started with “She’s a fax machine.”
Aannnddd now there’s coffee on my monitor.
I like “Shook me all night long” – too bad I can’t find it on itunes.
Hey, these are all songs I like? I have to be honest.
Sorry about your monitor.
Fax machine really had me laughing out loud :). (Calll it lol’ing, if you want)
These are two of the songs with the worst lyrics that first pop into my crazy mind, they are pretty catchy though 🙂
Hahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!! I stand corrected. THOSE ARE THE WORST SONGS OF ALL TIME! The guy in the first one looks like Billy Crystal- not sure if you know who that is but he does a lot of characters. That’s so over the top! Was that popular in England or are you playing with me?
Lol yeah I know him 🙂 it was a Russian song from the 70s about him laughing in the face of censorship, so funny to this day! It’s become quite viral in recent years, the second one they tried to get to Christmas number 1 in England but I think it only made it to number 2 hah.
For the record, I like Escape.
Yeah, i said it.
I’m glad you said it. There seems to be a correlation with bad lyrics and likability. These are the songs I always sing along to.
I can’t believe you didn’t mention Elenore?! “I really think you’re groovy, let’s go out to a movie” and “You’re my pride and joy, etc.” hahah some of the best.
There are some prime lyrics that you picked out. My favorite has to be Pina Colada. I love his response, “Oh, it’s you” like IN WHAT WORLD IS THAT NORMAL?
The world of the 70s, baby!
The 70’s did some heavy damage in the lyric department. You gotta love ’em.
Eleanor is one of my favorite songs. It definitely has some of the greatest or grooviest lyrics of all time. Classic.
I remember my parents singing to Afternoon Delight in the car and being torn between the fact they could not carry a tune in a bucket and cringing they were singing something like that with us in the car.
The skyrockets line always confused me. The most I ever got was like, oh, a match almost lighting.
Worst lyrics for me remain those from Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus. Even the title is completely EW! Yet, I know every single word.
“Teenage Dirtbag”
Her name is Noel
I have a dream about her
She rings my bell
I got gym class in half an hour
Oh how she rocks
In Keds and tube socks
But she doesn’t know who I am
And she doesn’t give a damn about me
Cause I’m just a teenage dirtbag baby
Yeah I’m just a teenage dirtbag baby
Listen to Iron Maiden baby with me
Her boyfriend’s a dick
And he brings a gun to school
And he’d sI’mply kick
My ass if he knew the truth
He lives on my block
And he drives an Iroc
But he doesn’t know who I am
And he doesn’t give a damn about me
Cause I’m just a teenage dirtbag baby
Yeah I’m just a teenage dirtbag baby
Listen to Iron Maiden baby with me
Yeeah dirtbag, no she doesn’t know what she’s missin
Yeeah dirtbag, no she doesn’t know what she’s missin
Man I feel like mold
It’s prom night and I am lonely
Low and behold
She’s walking over to me
This must be fake
My lip starts to shake
How does she know who I am
And why does she give a damn about
I’ve got two tickets to Iron Maiden baby
Come with me Friday, don’t say maybe
I’m just a teenage dirtbag baby like you
Yeeah dirtbag, no she doesn’t know what she’s missin
Yeeah dirtbag, no she doesn’t know what she’s missin
Teenage Dirtbag…..hmm. Perhaps someone will serenade you with this lovely song tomorrow? I’ve never heard of Wheatus. I’ll have to investigate. It doesn’t speak well of Iron Maiden to be mentioned in this song, does it? Although they were probably flattered.
Yes, those are some bad lyrics.
The actual tune or melody of Afternoon Delight is equal to the lyrics. It’s sounds like something you’d sing if you worked on a farm?
Ok, if he wants to know why she doesn’t like him, he needs to start by seeing a doctor about that lip shaking thing.
This is such a funny post! At some point when my daughter was in high school there was a popular song called, ” Is there anymore room for me in those jeans?
Who knew the songs I sing to every time I hear them on the radio are so stupid. I’ve never ever listened to actual meaning of the words I guess! Boy was I ever missing out on the laughs!
Ha Ha! I think we’re all fairly oblivious. I’m lucky if I understand the actual words, much less the meaning.
It’s so funny when I was young, I’d sing along to songs with such inappropriate lyrics. In 1971 there was a group called, “The Raspberries” and they sang a song called, “Go All The Way.” It was very sexual, to say the least, but as a 10 years old I was clueless. (..and my parents sat casually by, letting me sing along!) ha!
Have you ever watched Arrested Development? Michael Bluth and his niece Maybe sing Afternoon Delight together for karaoke and start to listen to the words. I have to admit I had never paid that much attention to them until they got grossed out by their accidental song choice.
And to add something new, here’s one we’ve been jamming lately by Antony and the Johnsons. Beware of the “art” boobs though. I think you’ll enjoy the amazing lyrics.
A friend of Arrested Development is a friend of mine!
Not only are you a top-notch blogger you also have top-notch taste in comedy.
Lily LOVES Arrested Development. You have this in common.
Those are some radically bad lyrics! haha! It’s almost like they went out of their way to come up with those lyrics. I barely noticed the “art” boobs! haha!
“Afternoon Delight” is just embarrassing. Lily probably saw that Arrested Development, she loved that show.
I can’t believe my parents didn’t intervene on some of the songs I sang as a kid. I guess they just figured I was too stupid to know the meaning? haha!
I actually very rarely listen to song lyrics properly so when people say a particular line doesn’t make sense I don’t know what they are talking about.
I don’t think I know any of the songs you mentioned but the bits you quoted do sound a bit silly.
Alanis Morissette not knowing what irony is can be a bit annoying though.
Also, that horse in the top picture has a beard.
Lily is also very bothered by the fact that Alanis Morisette sings, “Isn’t it ironic?” and her examples have no irony! Was there no one who could intervene and come up with better examples for her? haha!
Maybe you should check out Prodigy’s lyrics, just in case they’re a little stupid? I’m just saying.
Firestarter
“I’m the bitch you hated, filth infatuated
Yeah. I’m the pain you tasted, fell intoxicated.”
I think they’re sort of classic, right?
Getting a sly dig in about my favourite band, eh?
Don’t even go there girlfriend.
…tee hee hee
Big big hit over here:
‘I just had sex and it felt so good
A woman let me put my penis in her’
TMI!
This one? It’s horrendous.
Unbelievable…sick.
That can’t be real!!! At least in America they’ll use some slang term for “Penis.” haha!
Oh, even the beginning made me giggle! *groan* ‘Akon…. and Lonely Island…’
How in the world do you imagine this?
I’m horrified!!!! What’s happening to us? “Too much information” is an understatement. Yuck : /