Another well deserved award…
Dear readers, all 15 of you,
I’m so pleased to announce that I have been given the great honor of being presented with the prestigious, Glitter E. Yaynus Award. Please try to contain your jealousy. I know you all secretly covet this particular award for its beauty and meaning. And because I know these are your feelings, I will alter the requirements so as not to prolong your agony.
I’d like to thank the queen of comedy, Linda Vernon, for this incredible honor. She is an inspiration and thus, makes me want to be a better blogger. Thanks Linda!
Now all my dreams have come true!
Name Five things that make others want to kill you.
- I wake up, quite naturally, between 5:30 and 6:00. Turning on the TV, lights and running a vacuum at this hour may have caused those in my company to plot my murder. (I’ve heard whispers, something about exchanging my artificial sweetners with arsenic?)
- When I get a, “Notion” I can’t let go of it. My OCD is like a tidal wave. Either run and hide or get behind me. Examples would include, cleaning the attic, cleaning the basement, cleaning the car, etc. If you enjoy lazing on a Sunday afternoon, you will likely want me dead and buried. Maybe just buried, getting me dead first might take too long?
- My brain has a 2 minute time delay. Responses to your questions, comments and instructions will be processed slowly and delivered when they are no longer relevant to the conversation at hand.
- My inability, or I should say, unwillingness, to see the glass as ever being half empty causes those in my circle to want to empty my glass, break it and feed me the shards for lunch.
- My sense that, “I’m the only one who can do the job the right way,” has mostly caused me to want to kill myself. Okay, so I have a slight control issue… This might explain why Lily in Canada has never booked an airline ticket or done her taxes. (It goes without saying, no one can plug my daughter’s blog like I can.)
No one is safe from my OCD, not even this small Asian child.
Name Five things you would take to Uranus.
(This is Linda Vernon’s watered down version. It’s much more in keeping with my standards. But please know, I don’t judge those who would put things in their bottom.)
- Sleeping pills, and or, enough morphine to kill a horse
- my pajamas – naturally
- my down comforter and pillow
- my ipod – without my music I would surely die.
- and finally, my iPad so that I could stay in touch with my large following of readers. (Do you think my network provides service on Uranus?)
Run across the freeway blindfolded.
- Check. Scary, but I did it. I managed to get grazed ever so slightly on my derriere which only catapulted me to the other side more quickly. A big thanks to that unknown driver!
Pick a Prom Court.
If your name is on my blogroll you have the option of accepting this award. It’s yours if you want it. I know, it’s such a generous offer. But you’re all worthy in my eyes.
I would have thought the one thing you would take to Uranus is a space suit?
That would imply that I thought I could survive the space travel to get there. Since I get motion sickness crossing the road, I’m thinking a trip to Uranus would kill me. Ha!
That should explain my list. haha!
Wonderful post, still laughing!
Thanks!!! I see that you love Shabby Chic, too. I could have easily added that to my list, something about if my family hears the words, “Shabby Chic” or “White and Chunky” one more time they will kill me and hide my body under the cushions of an overstuffed, white slip covered sofa!!! hahaha!
You seriously crack me up, and I’ve just now realized why: You and I are so completely opposite! This is a good thing…it means that you can move in with my family and run your vacuum at any odd hour of the day you please, as it will likely be music to their ears. I’ll take your family and allow them to sleep soundly and to have their leisurely Sundays. 🙂
NIce blog today. Once again, you’ve made me grin!
Cathie, we do have one thing in common… apparently neither of us can cook! haha! I love your blog because your able to take everyday occurrences and turn them into comedy gold. You remind me of Erma Bombeck.
I may have exaggerated a bit… but not according to my children who see me EXACTLY this way. ha!
Let me know when you need the brute force of the cleaning tornado to show up on your doorstep. My family would be very grateful to make the switch. : )
Hahahaha! Don’t tell anyone, but shortly after we got married, I awoke in the middle of the night to my husband trying to give me subliminal messages. “Clean the house…Lysol is your friend!” True story!
Erma Bombeck – that is the greatest compliment anyone could ever have given me. Thank you! 🙂
Congratulations on achieving these great heights – and particularly on statying alive long enough to do so. The sins you list should have been enough to ensure your untimely demise some time ago.
Love the perceived reaction to your half empty glass!
Thanks, Colonialist, and I agree. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t look over my shoulder or sit with my back to the wall. : ) Luckily, I’ve had the good fortune of being surrounded by VERY tolerant and patient people.
Well done Lisa!
Nice list. All that stuff would indeed drive me utterly bonkers. No wonder Lily was so glad to go back home to Paul at Christmas…
haha! Yes, well, like I said to Chatty Cathie, these are slightly exaggerated. I wake early but have never tortured my family with lights, TV and vacuum. I just thought I’d add that for extra effect.
No wonder they want to kill you using the vacuum at that time in the morning, congrats by the way.
Thanks, Harry! That might have been a slight exaggeration… Sometimes we have to add little bits to make it more dramatic and up the comedy : ) It certainly got a reaction from everyone!
I’m so scared of all your new readers! You have so many! Lol about the little Asian child. Maybe I get my OCD from you then? I feel like you have the kind of OCD that makes you want to complete tasks whereas dad and I have the kind where if our stuff is touched, we start crying.
Haha! I think you might be right! But let’s just say that yours has more comic value where as mine makes people want to kill me. The Asian child makes me laugh every time I look at him or her. Finding that was a real coup!
My new readers happen to be super nice, funny and smart!!! (I hope they read this!) tee hee
Lisa! Hahahaha! This was hilarious! From the low-cal arsnic to the 2 minute brain delay to the half-empty broken glass with shards culminating in being catapulted safely to the other side of the freeway! I couldn’t have enjoyed it more if I would have been catapulted over the feeway with you. A masterpiece of humor writing worthy of this prestigious award!
And Lily in Canada is your daughter! I love her blog. 🙂
Thanks, Linda. I’m glad you liked it! You’re a tough act to follow.
Yes, Lily is my daughter! When I first started blogging I didn’t want anyone to know, then she blew my cover and now, I’ve gotta say, it’s been really fun. Such a great little community of bloggers we have🙂
Thanks for always making me laugh!
Isn’t that the truth! I’ve been trying to talk my daughter into writing a blog too. Maybe one of these days . . . And thank you for all your kind words! What a great way to start out the week. Thanks Liss.🙂
Good luck on making it this far. Never let any of the family stand behind you or sweeten your tea🙂
Hilarious!!!
Thanks, Pigeon! I have to work hard to be even slightly funny, so I’m glad everyone enjoyed it ; )
Good writing here and I appreciated the smiles and chuckles this morning. I, too, am mildly (and I stress mildly) OCD. It is a trait my wife hates for I follow her around and pick up after her. She has learned to turn and say, “Leave that where it is! I’m coming back for it!” Thanks for including me on your blog roll. I will include this award on my Thank You page. All joy today. HF
Haha! I’m glad I’m not alone in this. I get the same sort of response from my family, especially my 21 year old son who likes to use the old, “Why should I make my bed, when I’m just gonna mess it up again?” He uses a slight variation of that excuse for the cereal bowl in the TV room and his socks on the floor! haha!
Glad you enjoyed my post.
Have a glorious day, HF!
If your son was just a bit older, we could match him to my 26-year-old daughter. What a house they would have! For years my daughter’s excuse for not making the bed was that she was running late. And, it was true. She was always running late! You cannot image her bathroom! We could have gotten Federal Aid if we had declared it a disaster area! Kids, you got to love ’em! We’ve got no choice. HF
Federal Aid!! So funny, but only because you and I know that’s not an exaggeration! haha! Let’s agree, right here and now, to keep these kids away from each other, just in case…
While the rest of the world is trying to become more green, my son’s carbon footprint is expanding! (I’m not convinced that the whole climate change thing, didn’t originate in his room, right here in the Chicago suburbs?)
*checks blogroll quickly*
*YES*
Congrats Lisa! You really deserve this award, and we deserve the gossip😉.
Thanks NBI! Glad you enjoyed this.
How’s the costume coming, by the way?
I found some clothes at a second hand store! Catwoman is in the waste bin. I’m going for 20’s style icon, or Coco Chanel, if you want.🙂
COCO CHANEL!!! PERFECTION!!! I LOVE IT!
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I’m quite surprised that your vacuum cleaner did not make the cut of things to take you Uranus. I hear it’s a very dirty and disorganized planet. It requires your attention toot sweet.
haha! I think you’re probably right. I’m sure the other planets are a mess.😀