Bon Appetite!
I wasn’t sure what I would write about today but when my 21-year-old son managed to burn some chicken fingers in the toaster oven 10 minutes ago, my inspiration was born.
I’m not a great cook, so obviously I’m not a great chef, either. What’s the difference between the two? Without going to google, I’m gonna take a stab at this. A COOK is anyone who can prepare a decent hot meal without destroying the food or the surrounding area. A CHEF is someone who has gone to cooking school, knows all the terminology, speaks enough French not to be embarrassed when ordering food, and uses ingredients I’ve never heard of. Now that you understand the difference between what a cook is and what a chef is, we can continue.
I like Ina Garten because her cooking doesn’t intimidate me, and the name of her book is, “How Easy Is That?” Except for the barefoot part, she’s my kind of gal!
There’s something defiant in my personality that causes me to think I know better than the makers of Pillsbury, Betty Crocker and Duncan Heinz. If you don’t mind ending up with results that are slightly off, if you consider food to be fuel for the body and nothing more, if you’re impatient or lazy, read on. I think you and I might agree on the following:
LESSONS I’ll NEVER LEARN DUE TO INSTRUCTIONS I’ll NEVER FOLLOW
- NEVER PRE-HEAT – The idea of pre-heating is one big annoyance and completely unnecessary. I have yet to taste food that knows the difference between a slowly warming oven and one that is immediately hot. The food doesn’t really care. It’ll cook either way. If you wait for the water to boil when making spaghetti, you needn’t bother. Just throw it in the pot when it’s semi hot. Trust me, it will cook. It may be a little stuck together, but after you sauce it up, you’ll think you’re in Italy. Mangia!
- USE ONE BOWL – Ingredients that end up in one bowl, do not have to be added in any particular order. Toll House cookies, for example — the directions tell you to mix certain ingredients in one bowl and the other ingredients in another bowl and then combine them. Why would you dirty two bowls if you didn’t need to? I find it’s MUCH EASIER to just go down the list of ingredients, throw everything in one bowl, and mix it together. Okay, so the cookies don’t look or taste like the ones everyone else bakes, who cares!? You only had one bowl to clean : )
Do these look a little weird, like albino toll house cake?
- DON’T LET THINGS COOL TOO MUCH – I don’t know about you, but I usually have time constraints, namely, I want to taste my cooking immediately. If you want those brownies or cookies when they’re gooey, go ahead and eat them right after you pull them out of the oven. Mmm, delicious. (Take caution not to burn your fingers or roof of your mouth!) Cake is a little trickier. If you don’t mind big chunks falling off resulting in a crumby frosting, then go ahead and enjoy your warm cake! I always do.
- PAY NO ATTENTION TO COOKING TIMES – Microwave cooking aka, my best friend, is so easy. All you have to remember is 2 minutes and 5 seconds for popcorn, 5 minutes for frozen entrees — 6 minutes if they’re slightly bigger and really frozen (meaning they have freezer burn) and 3 or so minutes for a hot beverage. Easy, right? As far as oven times… just check on it when you smell it wafting through the house. That means it’s almost done. You can also tell if something is done by its shade of brown or if it’s bubbling, that also signifies it’s done. It’s best to choose your method based on whether you have a keen sense of smell or if you’re more of a visual person.
- BISQUICK IS YOUR FRIEND. Any food that only requires you to add water or maybe an egg and promises to make lots of different foods out of dough is, in the words of Martha Stewart, “A good thing.” (Okay, I know, the only time she might have said that about Bisquick was when she was in prison — whatever.)
I hope these creative tips and tricks will help you save lots of precious time in the kitchen and not cause you to get too sick. Cheers!
Totally the way I cook! I mean literally. I never could stand preheating, I’m always finding a way to do less dishes, and my tongue is constantly being burnt by not allowing things to cool. When I want food I want it now!
We need a cooking show together. Ready to fold your arms and stand back-to-back with me for the cover photo?
Hahaha! I figured there’d have to be at least one other person who cooks just like me! Hey, it gets the job done, right?
Count me in for the cooking show. Whadd’ya think, the networks will pick us up for a total of 2 episodes? ha!
Lol! My kind of cooking!
Lol!! Maybe all of us bloggers have this one thing in common? It’s part of our personality. : )
Hi,
Great tips, i like the idea of the one bowl, makes a lot of sense, and I’m with you on the microwave. 😀
Ha! So far, all of the positive responses have been from like minded individuals. Life before microwaves was pretty rough – we’ll probably all die of plastic – microwave dish cancer! haha!
ayI got sneaky and did Thursdays post today and will do Wednesdays tomorrow. That should mess up some people.
Haha! We might be the only ones who care! I thought naming the days of the week would be clever, now it’s turned into a prison! Lol!
I’m slightly different when I cook. I like preheating because I like exact timing. Maybe because I like to bake, and baking, for me at least, always needs exact time. But I definitely always do pasta before the water boils…or is even hot. Anyone who waits for it to boil is gay. Yeah, I said it. And just for the record, Ina Garten is my lover. I wish she would adopt us so we could live in her house and she could cook for us.
If I talked about exact timing I would put people to sleep. (I probably run that risk anyway!) much better to show how lazy I am ; )
Yeah, let’s move to Ina’s house and make her cook for us.
Yeah, I am pretty much the same. Unless you are due in court and you need to impress the judge with some snazzy cookies, there is no point in faffing about with all that micro-management.
As Lily says, it’s gay.
Haha! Lily’s always right.
Step one: Open the fridge. Step two: Grab leftovers. Step three: Eat leftovers cold. Step four: Take a nap. Ah, the perfect dining experience. Works for breakfast, dinner or supper. HF
Haha! I think I’ve found the common thread between all bloggers – we’re terrible in the kitchen! Who knew?
I forgot to mention leftovers! It doesn’t get much easier than that, does it? Even though my nest is empty I still prepare enough “food” to feed a small army. I find that by eating it cold some of the mistakes..er, I mean flavors, aren’t detected as easily.
sounds good but what happens when you run out of leftovers
You got me pegged..I always felt if it calls for 350 degrees at 30 minutes, why not 450 degrees in less time right?
As for Bisquick, let’s just say we have been long standing pals for eons 🙂
Haha! We share the same logic!
Anyone who is friends with Bisquick, is a friend of mine.
After reading all these comments I’ll just say, if there’s ever a blogger ‘get-together,’ we’d be wise to have it catered. I’m just sayin’.
Sigh.
As someone who has cooked for a living, I found your post to be hilarious. And oh so painful…
Well I’m glad you got a good laugh. I was waiting for somebody to step forward and say it was painful but it seems, Guapo, you’re the only one who actually knows a thing or two about cooking.
Glad to know that one of us could feed the troops if needed.
Guapo can cook for our get-together and we will clean up!
This is why I have a chef as a girlfriend, women are simply better in the kitchen.
She cooks, I stand there and look tough and go “Grrr” It’s what we were made to do!
That’s smart. I didn’t realize your girlfriend was a chef! Good thinking. You’ll eat well with her– just don’t break up! Haha!
Well she was a chef, before she quit haha. 😀
Hahaha!
Ha ha! Lisa! I think we were separated at birth! I am 100% on board with your cooking rules. I would also add that if the smoke detector goes off a) you’ll know it’s probably done and b) take out the batteries and don’t put them back in because, it’s just going to keep going off whenever it’s cooking time.
I never pre-heat, I hate following instructions. I don’t think ‘lve ever baked anything that had all the ingredients the recipe called for. And I bet Martha did only eat bisquick in prison! So funny! This was so fun! Hilarious! 😀
hey that is my trick (the one with the smoke detector)
LOL! It kind of makes me wonder if there are any smoke detectors in America that are actually hooked up. HA!
Haha! The smoke detector! How could I forget?!
I don’t think I’ve ever had all the ingredients, probably because I start “creating” before I’ve checked to see if I have everything! I’m guessing that, like me, you believe Baking soda and Baking powder are the same thing since they’re both white and start with the same word? They’re inter-changeable, right? LOL!!!
Maybe we should think about getting our own cooking show? haha!
Oh geesh! You even cook like I do (minus the burns from the knives in potatoes!). You are too funny! Now if only I could grab a piece of that cleaning bug! Too funny…love this blog!
Haha! We all seem to be similar in our cooking styles. I think there’s a direct correlation between being a bad cook and creative writing! Haha! I’m just too lazy to follow directions- I always think I know better. : )
Reblogged this on A Gripping Life and commented:
I’m being lazy today. This is an older post that I thought some of you might enjoy. It seems that many of you have posted recipes lately so I thought it would be helpful to post some great cooking tips and tricks. You can thank me later.
I’ve never used Bisquick, but I’m on board with the rest of your tips, particularly the eat-it-when-it’s-hot rule. When I bake chocolate-chip cookies, Hubby and I hover over the cooling racks, gobbling them all down while they’re hot. Cold chocolate-chip cookies are hardly worth eating.
And here’s one of my favourite lazy-cook tactics: If I’m making cookies, I make two kinds, the mildest-flavoured (or palest-coloured) ones first. Then I can make the stronger-flavoured or darker ones without washing the bowl and utensils. Twice the cookies with half the mess. 🙂
Bisquick is good in an emergency, and by “emergency” I mean when water is the only ingredient you have in your kitchen. haha!
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who gobbles the cookies and such from the cooling rack. Wait, I don’t have a cooling rack. (Note to self, get a cooling rack.)
I’ll keep your tip in my file. Now, Diane, that’s my kind of cooking tip – motivated by less cleanup. 🙂
I am so glad you reblogged this! This was pre-me following you. I cannot believe you cook like this? Really? I am a follow the rules kinda cook– and I suck at it so maybe I should try your way. And I quite agree Bisquick is my friend.
haha! I am the most impatient, bull headed, lazy cook there is. It’s always gonna be my way, no matter what the recipe says to do. My poor family has had to endure many hideous meals because I refuse to follow the directions! haha!
I like that you’re a rules kinda cook. It speaks well of you and makes me want to pop over for dinner. Bisquick is just so easy.
chicken parm and fresh choc o chip cookies tonight..come on over. Just me and the teen gal 🙂
If only I could tele-transport myself like a comic book hero. I’d be there in a heart beat. Sounds de-lish.
How did I miss this? How can I continue going through life not convinced we are twins of a sort, separated by geographic location, DNA and age? Not only do you (far too often) say what I was going to say (and usually just before I was going to say it), but, we cook alike, too!!
I’m verklempt with joy.
It’s quite a cooking style. I’m surprised Betty Crocker hasn’t approached me for these time saving tips. Glad you’re with me on this one – great obstinate, impatient cooks think alike! 🙂
This may be one of my most favorite Gripping posts, so glad you reblogged. You make me giggle and I don’t like going barefoot either!
Thanks, Mags! Now you know why I appreciated your Turkey dinner story! Mind you, I have all the equipment that a Top Chef would have – I just don’t know how to use it. I’m much more at home with a microwave and Lean Cuisine! haha!
Good old Barefoot Contessa… Now put on some shoes!!
I will happily come cook for you and we will walk around with our shoes on and talk about cooking and writing.
Bisquik… good. I can make an impossible pie out of anything….. you can’t always eat it, but I can MAKE it….
LOL!!! Why are we all so funny with our cooking skills? If something is “Edible” you can be sure I will gnaw through it to get the maximum nutrients rather than scrap it and try again. Impossible Pie – appropriately named just for you, Ruth! ha!
OMG Lisa….so totally agree. The fewer the dishes the better. Never understood one bowl for this and another for that. As much as I like Ina Garten even her recipes are toooo much work. If I can’t fix it in less than thirty minutes, it ain’t happening. Very entertaining post 🙂
I don’t mind the element of surprise when it comes to preparing meals. The mystery of how it will turn out is half the fun!
I’m like you, the fewer bowls, the better. Thanks for validating my tips, Ingrid! 🙂
I follow a lot of the same rules–in fact I do not know how to complete a meal without a microwave. Several years ago we were at a cottage that did not have a microwave and I was mystified as to how to cook many things.
The only time I pay attention to preheating is when I am baking–which is about six times a year. My kids used to walk out to the kitchen on those rare occasions when I would bake and think that we were going to lose the house because we were poor cause Mom was baking (due to a lawsuit which is still ongoing–they were almost right!)
haha! I was going to dedicate this post to you because I knew you’d relate!! There seems to be a correlation between our blogging community and the methods we employ in the kitchen – namely, the lazy, I don’t want to follow the rules, method.
Where would we be without our microwaves? I find myself getting impatient if I have to wait for more than a minute! LOL!!
I know–I am terrible that way–I felt that post might be directed at me just a little bit–we are certainly sisters in crime when it comes to cooking–I prefer to call us smart and interested in other things
Yes, exactly. We know what our gifts are… Wait, do we? LOL!!! Well, we’re confident that we have some other fine gifts. There. That’s better.
we do we do–they are hidden gifts
Hidden, indeed – making them all the more valuable. 😉
Anything that simplifies cooking is a good idea, methinks!
I agree. I’m willing to forego flavor and texture for a less tiresome clean-up.
It’s reassuring to see that you can disregard these food instructions and get away with having an edible meal. Maybe you’ll inspire me to be a little rebellious with my ‘cooking’ this week — if you want to call what I do cooking. Steaming vegetables, baking a sweet potato and broiling a piece of fish is my extent of cooking these days.
At least your diet sounds lean and mean. Good for you. You sound like an expert in the kitchen compared to me.
Brilliantly written and a mistress in the kitchen! X
Hahah! I’m a mess in the kitchen, and I mean that literally! Glad you liked this.
Ha! Great, I hate waiting for that oven to heat up! It takes forever with my oven. This is a huge relief. Cooking is just a pain to me. It is work, isn’t it? This helps a great deal. Thanks, Lisa. I’m inspired now.
Haha! Follow these tips and you can be a crappy cook, too!!!
Girl, I feel like we are cut from the same cloth on this cooking business. Whereas I would write the above with question marks after the tips and you proudly end the declaration with a period.
haha! It makes me laugh when I think of other people doing the same stupid rebellious stuff that I do. I’ve ruined plenty of “dishes” wasted ingredients because I thought I knew a better way. I’m glad I’m not alone.
I have been serving meals up for the past 44 years. I’m probably too good at it so I’m doing the same for the grandchildren. I’m due for a sea change, I will adopt your cooking style. 🙂 🙂
HAHA!! I think that’s a very smart idea! That should effectively end your cooking career, at least for others, pretty darn fast!
Hahahaha I doubt that you can’t cook. You are only a bad cook if you burn water, and we all know how impossible that is! (: Lovely post, and thanks for the tips (that I probably also will never use…) nerdwithtaste.wordpress.com
Let’s just say I do a lot of eating out, pre-cooked meals, and cereal. Maybe I’m exaggerating, just a wee bit…? I really am too rebellious to be a good cook.
I’m glad you enjoyed my time saving tips and tricks!! haha!