Canadian Customs, not a laughing matter…
Hey everyone. I’m back from my trip to Canada, or what I like to call, “America’s hat.” Canadians don’t mind if we make fun of them. They’re incredibly nice and seem to just go with the flow. That is, unless you work at the Victoria Customs office as a passport checker. Let me explain…
I flew 4 long bumpy hours on an Alaskan Air flight from Chicago to Seattle. Once in Seattle, my husband and I boarded a little Horizon Air prop plane and flew 30 minutes to the island of Victoria, British Columbia. It was midnight when we arrived. We were tired. I was especially tired because I reserve the right to always be slightly more miserable and put upon than my husband. If he got up at 6:00 am then I got up at 5:30 am, and so it goes… : )
As you can imagine, I just wanted to collect our luggage and get through customs because I knew my daughter was on the other side waiting for me. My husband suggested we each write our own customs slip instead of putting them on one, as one family. That way, he could wait for the luggage and I could get through quickly. Easy Peasy, right?
Not so fast. The passport guy was not pleased with our scheme, though it seemed perfectly reasonable and legal to us. He asked me about luggage. I said my husband was going to wait for the bag and I was going to go through. Apparently he didn’t like that assumption, he didn’t like my ‘can do’ attitude. He pointed out that my husband, if asked to open the suitcase, would not be able to explain my items in the bag. I’m thinking, um, “Yes, he would. He’ll say that’s my wife’s blouse.” It doesn’t really take a rocket scientist, does it? Keep in mind, this is all taking place in a room slightly bigger than my living room. He’s seen me with my husband, he’s seen us fill out the forms, and obviously he sees that we’re incredibly tired, haggard, really.
Basically, the guy was a passive aggressive Jackass. I know, such language! He told me that we had to go through together. FINE! (A little eye roll on my part because it seemed so unnecessary.)
Lo and behold the bag came through quickly! We replaced the original single custom’s slip for our family of 2 people, and returned to the same guy. Okay, this is where it gets ugly. I don’t think he was happy that our suitcase came through so quickly. He started asking us questions, which of course, as seasoned travelers we expect, but his questions were voiced in decibels no louder than a whisper. He dropped his voice volume purposefully to take back his power and make us look like idiots. We were already hearing impaired even before the prop plane ride, and now we would look like two daft imbeciles responding with, “What?” “Pardon?” Excuse me?”
Yes, he was evil. He relished every ounce of his silly authority. One of his many questions which confounded both my husband and myself was, “Why will you be returning home?” *A look of complete bewilderment* “What do you have to return home to?” I almost started to laugh because the questions were absurd, but my husband shot me a look that said, “We’re in deep enough — for the love of all that is Holy, do not laugh or we’ll end up in Victoria Passport Prison.” You know, that look.
Fast forward, these two old criminals were finally allowed to go through. OH BROTHER!!! What an ordeal. As I walked away, I uttered, “Jackass” just loud enough for him to hear. I couldn’t help it. It’s the rebel in me. (I’d like to reference “Cool Hand Luke,” here.)
Just to re-cap… Canadians are nice and funny and love maple syrup, but DO NOT CROSS THEM at the Customs counter – even if they are just America’s hat! : )
I would say sorry, but i have had my issues entering your fine country. He was probably po’d that he had to work at midnight. hahaha. seriously though, it’s all luck of the draw.
Yeah, luck of the draw… He was just unnecessarily harsh. Thankfully he doesn’t represent all the good people of Canada. I knew when I was going through that I’d have good blog material so for that, I thank him! : )
I just love that everyone knows how to trigger you. He should belong in our family! Canada, America’s hat, is the funniest though! They really have no other purpose than to keep our head warm.
I was going to say something about America being beneath us but decided to leave well enough alone.
I actually saw a cartoon depicting America as Canada’s shorts! Haha!
Haha! His questions were so ridiculous. I was like, “What the…?”
I just wanted to see my gal! Couldn’t get to the other side fast enough ; )
I understand your frustration, it just take one unreasonable person to turn an otherwise beautiful trip into a negative. I have been in this situation before. I don’t know how individuals with bad attitudes, like this passport guy, get a job dealing with the public.I hope the rest of your stay was enjoyable.
It definitely was enjoyable, thanks. It’s just a lousy way to start your vacation. I guess there will always be people that need authority to feel important.
In every custom there is a jackass. Interesting – or fun in a way – as it was to read your encounter with Canadian immigrant authorities, I have to admit, not being a US citizen myself, that US custom and immigration is generally the worst I ever experience no matter where a go, in terms of feeling like a criminal. And as you say about the Canadians, this doesn’t reflect upon the people in the States as soon as you get passed that custom and immigration.
I can imagine that US customs would be nightmarish. Ever since 9/11 everyone is treated like a criminal. I think it’s always better for the natural citizens. I like traveling to places like Switzerland — they barely even glanced down at my passport. No questions asked. Very easy and pleasant, I might add. : )
Hi,
There is nothing worse than having to go through something like that after a long flight, I would of walk away saying a few words as well. I think you very unlucky to be caught with someone who obviously was having a bad day, and he took out on you.
We were exhausted. Knowing you’re so close and that he’s the only one standing in your way is extra frustrating. Some people just abuse their authority. Luckily I knew I could turn it into a blog post! Hahaha!
Yeah, the customs lot are pricks who make me take off my shoes.
I just heard on the news the other day that they’re going to stop making people take off their shoes. At least American security. I always feel bad for these moms traveling with all their kids. What a hassel.
I don’t know about that. Those pricks are doing a job that if even a fraction of it works, keeps us safer in the air. I can’t imagine how terrifying it is to find out your in the air and someone has decided he/she is taking it down. Now they are pricks. Customs are just employees.
I agree. I don’t want to die in an airplane, that’s for sure! But apparently they have the technology to determine if our shoes are housing instruments of death. I saw a big expose on it. We’re a little antiquated and some of our detection stuff is ineffective and unnecessary — that’s what they said, at least. Wouldn’t it be great to fly without all the hassle and know you’re safe at the same time? Someday…
I don’t usually mind airport security or customs until I come across someone who goes out of their way to be difficult.
I think you’ve found their pay back for calling them a hat.
Hahaha! To think that Canada used to be such an easy neighbor, and now it’s like trying to get into a military base!
Welcome back to America – Canada’s shorts. That is hysterical. We are Canada’s shorts. As if. I actually like that better. I hope you had a wonderful time and had lots of laughs. When Craig and I came back from Mexico, some years back, the U.S. Customs’ police escorted Craig to a “special tower” for about 10 minutes to question him. Someone with his exact name and “look” (Craig looks like he just walked out of a Norman Rockwell painting) was on the FBI’s most wanted list.
Someone of your stature and beauty should never be hassled at a border of a country. Any country would be lucky to have you be a part of them for a day.
Marya, you are so right! Beautiful people, like myself, should have the red carpet rolled out for them! Haha! Poor Craig! Norman Rockwell, indeed. That’s hysterical! The trip was great, primarily because I could stock up on tid bits for my blog. There’s always more grist for the mill when you leave your natural surroundings. Haha!
Next time, trip him! Thank you for your perfect post to meet the need, yesterday. I intend on taking some of that advise, too! All joy. HF
If only I could have tripped him! Ha!
Hope she finds some peace and comfort from her turbulent life. Sometimes we’re just looking for permission to be free, to love ourselves and move on. It’s an incredibly painful journey for some…
All Joy right back at you : )
That’s frickin’ ridiculous! Man, some people just neeeed to flex their muscles. Lame-o’s!
I have issues EVERY time I (try to) go to the US. I’m convinced that they do some type of profiling, and/or have my name marked in their system for some stupid reason. I get stopped EVERY time. I’m always taken into that little room, to sit and stew until they’re ready to ask me 17 questions, then letting me go to run as fast as I can to catch my flight. GRRR, airport people!
That’s unbelievable!! I would be fuming mad! Next time you should ask them why you’re getting stopped every time. The thing is, they have you over a barrel. If you start getting too smart then they just keep you longer. Grrrrrr…It infuriates me! I really don’t like people who abuse their authority. Seriously, it shows such a warped sense of self esteem. They need that little badge to feel good about themselves.
On the bright side, you made it through (and back), and he’s probably still stuck there.
I once had fun explanation time flying into Miami from Turkey after a one day trip.
That’s insane! Did they hold you in detention? I can’t imagine taking a one day trip for that distance! Haha! But then again aren’t you the guy that drove to Philedelphia for a steak sandwich? Turkey in a day… Only you, Guapo : )
It was pre-9/11 so it wasn’t too bad.
Now that I think of it, the only time I’ve been detained was coming back to the US from Canada.
But that was justified. And not my fault.
And the guy who’se fault it was deserved the strip search he got.
This really made me smile, but don’t get me wrong, just because you make it sounds so funny :). May I be slightly glad they did this to you so you could write this great post?
Thanks NBI! I’m glad you found the humor in it. It’s always funny after the fact, right?
Afterwards, yes!
Oh boy.. should have done what Harper said.. trip him.. You would think he would be glad to see people visiting their country!!!
Hope the remainder of the trip was amazingly fun!!!
It actually ended up being fun but it’s a real bummer when the first person you encounter is an idiot. I think it’s possible to do that job AND be pleasant at the same time, don’t you?
Why are you returning home?? Oh the things you could have answered!!
Oh thank goodness your husband was there to keep you out of Canadian customs jail!! Good for you for calling him a jackass within his hearing! I’m so glad you made it home safely Lisa! I doubt they allow blogging or Ipads in Victoria Passport Prison and we would all be so broken hearted to lose you!
Between the low volume and the questions that made no sense we might as well have been in prison. He kept repeating, “these are standard questions.” haha! No they weren’t!!
I didn’t even entertain the idea that they could confiscate my iPad in passport prison! If they had read my blog they would have locked me up and thrown away the key.
Hope you’re having fun on your excursion. Peanuts deserves a little R&R 🙂
It’s really kind of disturbing that a man who is clearly enjoying his power has so much power. His questions sound like something out of Alice and Wonderland! The guy is clearly a Canadian Horse’s Hat!
I’m back from Tahoe and everything about it was just right! Even though we were only gone 2 days, it seemed longer! But in a good way. Haha! 😀
Isn’t that always the way? There are always those people that need power to boost their self esteem. YES! His questions were something out of Alice and Wonderland, come to think of it, he looked a little like the Cheshire Cat…? But not as handsome! Ha!
It’s amazing how refreshing a little break away from home can be. Glad you had a nice time.
The guy I encountered going into Canada must have shifted coasts. He was really mean too. I forget how exactly but I was close to giving up then heading back home after a 6 hour bus ride. Getting back into the US was so much easier. I guess Canadians really don’t want terrorists, like myself, blowing up their empty fields.
It’s such an abuse of power, right? Why can’t they be nice and ALSO effective? Why do they think they have to be mean? And where are there powers of discernment, like yeah, you really look like a hardened criminal, a terrorist. I think Israel uses profiling and I say, good for them! They don’t apologize either.
I have done some research and I think I have the answer. It appears we get far to many tourists here and we are trying to cull them down to a reasonable level. In Western Canada, we don’t have enough people to handle the influx, and everyone has a job that wants one so we can’t increase the infrastructure. We simply can’t handle any more visitors. The CBSA have been instructed to infuriate as many as possible in the hopes they will turn back. Being the greatest country in the world does have some downside. We apologize in advance to anyone who we may offend during this program, but you have to see that we need to do this.
ha! That sounds like a Canadian strategy, one that the rest of the world will never suspect is in place. Very sneaky, Canada. Next thing you know they’ll be tampering with the syrup to ensure that tourists never return.
I’ve said to much. You are on to us. I am packing my canoe and heading to my summer igloo before the Mounties show up on horseback to put me to work as a voyageur.
So tell me, if you were to hypothetically return home, and upon arrival, you checked the fridge, and what do you know, it’s completely empty. Your starving, and your husband is freaking out because all you’ve had to eat all day is a plate of our best poutine. Do you order carry out like a typical lazy American or do you go to the grocery store and actually cook at home? Standard questions, ma’am.
Oh boy. Sounds like a total pain the butt. Nothing worse than dreaming of a good night’s sleep and having some power tripping jerk hold you up along the way. Reading your comments, though, I almost feel worse for foreigners traveling to America.
I’m thinking, um, “Yes, he would. He’ll say that’s my wife’s blouse.”
But can he explain the massive package of cocaine you had underneath that blouse?! Haha airports on the whole are pretty terrible, I hate them. Once in Spain they kept checking my bags over and over and I yelled “Fuck sake it’s not as if I have a fucking gun in there!” all they heard was “Gun” and one of them quickly grabbed the rifle he was holding =/ stupid Spaniards.
Hoped you had an epic time though!
Haha! Right, like I really look like a terrorist with my eyes closing from exhaustion. I would prefer they did profiling so that the rest of us could be free to go. haha! I know, so politically incorrect.
Yes, we had a great time once we got through the stupid airport : )
Thanks, Pete!
I’m guessing you’ve been crazy busy with work?
Lol! You speak the truth! When have you ever seen a white female crash a plane?
Work/personal troubles/hospital trips/playstation 3, long story. Haven’t had a great deal of time over the past couple of weeks but I should be alright now and back to a regular schedule 🙂