A Visit to the Dentist…
T I M E T R A V E L T U E S D A Y
For the past few weeks I’ve been getting email reminders that it’s time for my 6 month dental exam and cleaning. One thing that I have grown to hate as I’ve gotten older is bodily maintenance. I really miss those days when I could go forever longer periods of time without visiting the doctor or dentist. My physical health and well being was not even a blip on my youthful radar. (Honestly, back then I didn’t even know what radar was.) As far as I was concerned, if it wasn’t broke, I didn’t need to fix it. Now, everything is in disrepair and my radar looks like a jagged line on a heart beat monitor — lots and lots of blips.
THE DENTIST
There are a few things that I miss about the OLD DENTISTRY that I grew up with. Believe it or not, I miss the swishing and spitting into the little bowl on the side of the chair. It was very basic and easy to coordinate. Nowadays, they water your mouth and suction it simultaneously. It makes me feel like I’m drowning. When they finally decide to remove the pools of water that have accumulated in the pockets of my mouth, the suction proves too much for me. My lips and everything that’s not anchored down gets vacuumed into the device. This is followed by some giggles and raised eye brows behind the white mask. (Oh good, I was hoping I could provide some comic relief for the dental hygienist!) “I’m sorry that my mouth is not coordinated or smart enough to avoid the vacuum of death. If you give me back the paper cup of olde, I’ll swish and spit for you like a champion.” — Of course, I say this on the inside. 
I also miss the prizes at the end of the appointment. My current Dentist still offers them but I have to pretend I’m not interested, even though I really do want a superball : (
Gas or novocain? How ’bout both? I like to know that there’s not a chance in hell that I will experience any “discomfort.” The idea that someone could go without either of these boggles my mind. (Granted, my mind is not hard to boggle, but still…)
The one thing I do enjoy, with regard to today’s state of the art dentistry, is the picture that they take of you while you’re reclining in the chair. I guess they send those photos to the insurance company for identification purposes, but I would actually like to have them in a bound book of sorts. I quite enjoy them. The angle is extremely flattering. Any loose skin, double chin, etc. falls to the wayside, revealing my face as God intended it. If only we could simulate that experience and have our family Christmas pictures taken from a camera mounted on the ceiling… just an idea.
Some things that will never change:
- The heavy handed Dentist
- The asking of deep and complex questions when your mouth is full of foreign objects
- Fish tanks and Highlights magazine
- That Dentist office smell
- Anxiety and “discomfort”
- Promising that you’ll floss daily
“What’s your opinion of what’s happening in the world?” “Tell me in depth exactly what you do.” How’s every single person, dog, fish, in your family?”
“I didn’t even know what radar was.” Same here. I’m actually one of the few who enjoys the dentist. I still like the prizes too! Now our dentist has a dog! So the entire time I was entertained. It’s probably not good/safe to have a dog on your lap while your teeth are being cleaned, but oh well?
Looks like Dribbling Pensioner’s wife loves the dentist, too. I guess I wouldn’t mind going if it wasn’t always bad news. I’ll have to check out this new puppy. Seems like a strange environment for a dog?
I think you need to invent the camera that takes a regular photo of the others, but, for us women past 35, it takes it from that perfect angle. Think of the money you’d make selling ‘Camera of Youth’. I miss the swish and spit. Seemed cleaner, didn’t it? Next time, take a toy. I say it’s for my non existent grandchildren. Yes, I lie to my dentist. For what I pay him, he can spare a damn superball.
I think I will take a prize next time. You’re right, she can afford to stock up on superballs for the price I pay her.
The swish and spit was so much better, really. So much more in my control, and as HF points out, the swirling water had a nice calming effect.
I lie to my dentist on every trip. He always asks me if I’ve been flossing when he can see clear enough that I haven’t! So, I always say, “Yes, Sir! After every meal and before I go to bed at night.” I really enjoyed the puzzled look that comes to his face. “You have a lot of plaque buildup for someone that flosses regularly,” he says. “Genetics,” I reply. I also miss the swirling water spit bowl. Now the water just guggles and does not swirl. The swirling water was calming. And, yes, I have given this subject too much thought. Thanks for the great post. All joy. HF
Hahaha!! Isn’t it evident, from the blood that’s produced at the slightest gum manipulation and our strained poker faces, that we haven’t been flossing? LOL!!!
You’re so right, the swirling water was calming, almost hypnotic. Those were the good ol’ days…
Mmmmm, I love the smell of burning enamel at the dentist.
Yeah, there’s nothing quite like the smell of burning enamel to get you in the mood for some oral poking and prodding. I think the smell of tires burning might be a close second. : )
My wife loves the dentist, when i went i loved the gas 🙂
Lily loves the dentist, too. What’s wrong with them? I’m fond of the gas, as well. I only wish I had my own mask and valve at home so I could drift to sleep more easily! haha!
I don’t mind the dentist, I recently had three fillings, it hurts a lot less than I remember as a child but I still don’t like the drilling sound.
My dad has a severe phobia of dentists, he has to take valium just to sit in a dentist chair, all stemming from when he had some dental work before and they hit an exposed nerve. Now he has a lot of false teeth.
I always used to play him this whenever I got chance because that’s the kind of son I am 🙂
Haha! LOL!!! Mr. Bean always makes me laugh.
I don’t blame your dad for avoiding the dentist. Hitting an exposed nerve would traumatize you for life. Seriously. That’s why I can’t understand people who say they don’t need any numbing or pain medication. What the???
Who are these people? Jason Statham? I’m sure if they drilled into my tooth without turning me into a stroke victim I would be in pain too.
Exactly. It freaks me out.
Hi,
I’m one that does not like the dentist, and when the time comes around to go again I cringe inside, thank goodness it is only twice a year, I don’t think I could handle anymore than that. 🙂
I miss the swirling and spitting in the bowl, I thought it was a much better way than this stupid suction they now use.
You and I are on the same page. I really hate the whole dental experience. I guess some of the new technology is good if it eliminates any pain or makes it faster but some of the things are just a bother like the suction. My kids think I’m crazy because I prefer the old method.
The word “cringe” is perfect because that’s what I do the entire time.
Once my mom said “You can go to the dentist on your own. It’s right across the street from your school” I hated the dentist. Before that I never minded. It’s the going there alone that was bothersome.
It’s funny how all dentists are the same. Those toy chests were always great. I always got a rubber fish of a different color each time. I think they blew bubbles. I also remember seeing pictures of classmates on the wall smiling. I think they asked me if I wanted to be on the wall. Even back then I knew that was a bad idea.
Best dentist I’ve been to is “The Monkey Dentist.” They actually had real life monkeys in the office! They were behind glass and probably miserable but it was a good grab to get children to come,
The toys were/are always pretty great. I guess the monkey dentist got desperate, huh? I’ve never heard of anything like that? !
You definitely made the right choice to stay off the wall. That could only spell trouble.
For me, if visiting the dentist was this funny, I’d go all the time:
Hahaha!
I want a surprise when I go to the dentist, too! Bring on the superballs, the crazy shaped erasers and the squishy action figures. 🙂
Yay! I knew you’d say that! We’ll never be too old for squishy action figures, or plastic glasses with crazy eye balls or slinkys!
Every time i go, they give some new tool to use. I’m thinking they only have patients to market stuff and that’s why they want to set up appointments all the time. nd I hate cleanings, you feel so inadequate as the hygienist scrapes away, then says, to much, have to do a follow up to finish it off. Give me a good old root canal anyday.
Haha! I have enough crowns to qualify as royalty! I think you’re right. Every time I go in there’s some new machine. The last time I was in I had a canker sore and my dentist told me she could remove it with a laser. What the heck…? have you ever heard of anything so strange? Naturally I let her do it, I’m not stupid. Sheesh!
All I can say is I’d rather walk over hot coals than visit a Dentist…
So when I have to go for that “mandatory” cleaning and such, a few swigs of wine go down before I depart 🙂
Haha! I agree with you 100%.
I love this. I don’t mind going to the dentist, actually, but I do dislike the newfangled vacuum device. I think I will refer to it from now on as the “Vacuum of Death.”
Haha! Yes, the vacuum of death gets me every time. My kids think I’m slightly retarded for not knowing how to get suctioned properly.
Glad you liked my post. Thanks. I like your blog as well. I can see we have a similar take on things.
Apparently I’m in hte moinority here, but while I don;t enjoy going to the dentist, I have a pretty good one (with a good sense of humor and decent music playing) so it’s never too traumatic…
Well, aren’t you the lucky guy? I have a dentist who’s on a high tech quest for the latest in advanced dentistry. I think she invests in all this gadgetry but doesn’t know how to use it. Decent music and a sense of humor would go a long way during these visits.
My partner and I stumbled over here from a different web address
and thought I should check things out. I like what I see so now
i’m following you. Look forward to exploring your web page repeatedly.
I’m so glad you found me. I always get a little nervous that I won’t live up to expectations – so much pressure! haha! Since you started to follow me I better warn you that today I’m going to reblog my friend’s letter to Obama. I don’t normally, well, actually, I NEVER do political posts so this will be the first and last. There’s been a lot of political bashing lately and she wanted to add something more balanced.
Anyway I hope it doesn’t offend, anger, upset you – I think our country just wants this election to be over.
That’s my disclaimer : )
Thanks again and I look forward to hearing from you!
Lisa