Canadian Fine Dining…
Whiny Wednesday On Thursday
Several posts back I revealed that in my youth I tried my hand at waiting tables, found I was overwhelmed easily and walked out, leaving a family of four to wonder what had happened to their waitress and their food. Obviously, I have total respect for anyone who can skillfully and artfully manage this very stressful job. Having said that, I now feel free to make fun of those who have not mastered the fine art of waiting tables.
Recently on my trip to Victoria I encountered a style of table management I was not familiar with.
James, The Overly Enthusiastic Waiter
We were a hungry group of four, my husband, daughter and my son in law, out for a delicious meal and great conversation. What we didn’t expect was that our waiter would be part of that conversation. First he went into excruciating detail about how the meal would unfold, how he would keep our glasses full, how the appetizers would arrive hot and delicious, and how we would enjoy the main entrees that would follow. It was slightly odd, because obviously we had eaten out before and were familiar with how restaurants worked, but then I thought, “Well, he’s nice and seems to be taking his job seriously…” But as the evening progressed it became quite clear that ‘he was the guest who wouldn’t leave.’ When he took our main entree order it went something like this…
Lily: “I’ll have the Butternut Squash Ravioli.”
Waiter: “Wonderful. Nurturing comfort food. Delicious Roma tomatoes, goat cheese, with a hint of fresh basil and a smattering of spicy glazed pecans. Delightful.” Takes her menu.
Lily: (Thinking) “What the…?”
Paul: “I’m gonna try the Pan Seared Scallops”
Waiter: “Mmm… Perfect. Mixed braised Bok Choy, ripe red peppers in a pleasing yellow Indian curry sauce, served over a very pleasant basil cilantro Jasmine rice. Wonderful.”
Paul: Suppressing a laugh (Thinking) “Really…?”
My Husband: “I’d like the Red Curry Chicken Bowl.”
Waiter: “Ahh, yes. Good choice. Bursting with flavors. Thai red curry, coconut cream, jasmine rice and delicately steamed Asian greens. You’ll adore this.”
My Husband: (Looks around, smiling.) “Are we on Candid Camera?”
And so the ordering continued in that fashion. The waiter showed so much enthusiasm and knowledge of each item ordered that he practically ruined our appetites. I actually felt full after his food monologues. This may be the way they do things in Canada but in the states we’re not so patient sophisticated. We go to restaurants to eat, not to watch our waiters perform.
Here’s the kicker, the appetizers arrived at the same time as the entrees!!!! It was pretty funny given that we had just been told in detail how the meal would progress. We had to laugh. Not only that, but he never came back to refill our drinks! All those spices and nothing to quench our thirst!
In the end, James apologized. He appeared to be sincerely sorry for raising our expectations, promising us the moon and then disappointing us with a sub-par dinner. At least he didn’t walk out and quit his job like I had done so many years ago. Good effort James, good effort.
What kind of waiter style do you prefer?
Poor James. He must’ve had a bunch of coffee/Adderoll at the beginning of your meal that had completely worn off by the end. He was pretty extreme! I like the “golden mean” of servers: knowledgeable enough to make good recommendations but also socially aware enough to know when to back the heck off. I do have to admit that bizarre service does make for a great blog. 🙂
It’s funny because when dinner was over I looked at my group and said, “well, I guess I’ll be blogging about this!” haha! He started out with a bang and ended up fizzling out 1/2 way through. It’s hard to keep up that level of care for an entire meal. Lol!
I don’t know all that went on, but I’m blaming everything on Lily. I know how sweet and kind you are and I can only assume your hubby is the same, and I’m thinking Paul must be a saint. So, it’s Lily’s fault! She probably kicked the waiter under the table or spilled gazpacho down his pants. I know she did something! HF
You may be right. She’s pulled that Gazpacho down the pants trick before. She’s a real trouble maker. That probably explains why he started crying at one point and stayed clear of Lily’s side of the table! Now I’m thinking we probably should have left him a bigger tip?
Alright Mr. “Leg Spasm”. Don’t pretend you’ve never poured Gazpacho down someone’s pants.
I prefer the hot soups! HF
Here’s what I want–give me a menu. Take my drink order. If I ask you about the food, tell me. Keep my drinks topped off. If I ask a question, answer. If I slide off the chair in hunger, ask the kitchen to step it up a bit. Do not spit in my food if I send it back. I’ll tell you how good I think they food is, don’t tell me how good your manager told you it was. Remove ALL of the plates, then, ask if I’d like desert. At the desert stage it’s not a good idea to bring my antipasto. Be pronto on the desert and leave the ticket. Come back, take the ticket. Bring it for me to change and don’t hover to see what the tip will be. Now, go away.
That’s all.
The waiters must love you! Haha! Sounds like you mean business. It also sounds like you and Curmudgeon might be going on a hot date sometime in the near future. See below comment.
Addie, riddle me this, do you always ask for deserts with your meals? If so, how do the waiters/waitresses find them? What kind of desert do you prefer? Arid, sandy, one with plenty of camels? Inquisitive minds want to know.
I like a desert topped with a nice oasis. Usually, I have to go to one of the local Middle Eastern restaurants, they have the largest selection. The good thing about this type of food is, you don’t have to floss later, as the grit is great for cleaning your teeth.
LOL!!!!! HAHAHA!
Lily, you’re a cruel, cruel woman! How in the world did you get such a great mother? HF
From now on, I’m going to dinner with Addie. She and I share the same opinion about waiters or waitresses or wait-staff or wait-whatevers.
I’ll come along with both of you so I can have a good laugh knowing the waiter has “contaminated” your food in some way. Never, ever piss off the people that handle your food! That’s been great advice since Cleopatra took a bowl of fruit from a waiter she neglected to tip! HF
I think you and Addie would make wonderful dinner partners. You could be grouchy and demanding together. That would be a real enchanted evening. : )
I’m all over that dinner date.
What kind do I prefer? Certainly not that.
Ideally it woudl be the Chilis waitress whom I have named Lil’ Alex because her name is Alex and she’s so little (only in certain places). I won’t go further. I’m afraid it would be too degrading to women.
If this James guy had done it more as a show, like a tongue in cheek kind of a way, I could appreciate that. Put on a show and such. I don’t know if I would particularly like that if I wasn’t expecting it. I like a waiter/waitress who you’re ready to ask for new drinks and they’ve already brought them. They kind of need to be 1 step more social than the customers. If the customers want to blab then the server needs to blab back. If they’re quiet customers, keep yourself quiet.
I’m glad you chose to go no further in your explanation of Lil’ Alex. I thank you for that. Haha! Yeah, a good waiter reads the mood and personality of the party he’s serving. I feel like I get a bad waiter 50% of the time or more. It’s hard not to laugh when they get so into it that it’s like they’re performing.
What a great memory this will be for our family. Laughing at the expense of someone else. Our favorite past-time! Nice post! “nurturing comfort food” hahah!
Um, let’s just say that James will be a tough act to follow. He set a new precedent in waiting tables. We’ll have to make sure we ask for him again.
Hi,
That would of drove me mad listening to all that, I just like my order to be taken without the commentary. 🙂
But I had to laugh when everything he took the time to say didn’t happen anyway, that was just unreal. 😀
Yeah, we were a little annoyed because he just took so much of our time! He might as well have pulled up a chair and ordered a meal for himself. He was super jokey and familiar. Ugh! Then when he dropped the ball and forgot about us it was like, really? That’s when I knew I had a good blog post! Haha!
I had the best waitress at of all places a “Steak-n-Shake” (burger pace). That young girl was so damn pleasant, smiled and was at tentative without being a gnat.. I ended up tipping her $10 for a $15 lunch..lol
You guy , well, I give him props for being knowledgeable about the dishes ..He must have had a mild seizure after all of that describing..Ha!
Seriously, it was hard to have any eye contact with him because he took himself so seriously. He was overly jokey, too. He obviously memorized the menu, probably thinking it would impress more people. We continued to talk about him even as we walked back to our hotel! Haha!
When you get a great waiter you want to tip them well. It’s like you want to say keep up the good work! I appreciate you! It’s rare to get a waiter that actually gets it ALL right.
Great story! I was just at an event where the “host” kept creeping up on people and interrupting conversations to ask “how’s everything going?”every five minuets.Yes the uninvited guest
Isn’t that so bothersome! Some people have no awareness. Even if they interrupt a conversation ONCE it’s too much! Ha!
I would be a bit ticked at that type of delivery. Take my drink and appetizer order, come back with the drinks, take my dinner order and let us be. I genuinely love service that recognizes we are there for us. Banter is good, dominance, not so much. Wow, that turned into a bit of a rant didn’t it.
John, it was like a performance. He really took over our evening. At some point it became laughable. I wanted to say, why don’t you just pull up a chair? Sheesh. At least I got a blog post out of it! Ha!
You did indeed. I’d be spilling gazpacho on him for sure.
That’s bananas. I wonder if he would’ve steered y’all away from anything he didn’t like.
I don’t know what his game was? I have a hard time keeping a straight face when someone is reading the specials much less than giving a performance. Seriously, it was funny and uncomfortable all at the same time.
That is one helluva solicitous waiter. I think I would have gone berserk if he waited on me.
I like waitstaff to be like Special Ops: receive the orders, go in, carry out the mission, and move out.
Special Ops! Haha! That’s what I want, too. Instead we were held captive by this amateur waiter with a big ego.
Ahahaha! Awesome, it’s amazing how he knew what every dish was, but if he was my waiter I’d be like “Mate, the food could have been cooked by now.” I like them to come straight away, take my order, then piss off only to bring my drinks minute later. If I’m going out for dinner it’s because I’m hungry now, not in 30 minutes time so time is precious!
Food, bish bash bosh, done. Finished.
I also hate it when you’re paying by card, they bring you the bill and they disappear for ages. AGGH.
I know, right? He was so annoying and yet we felt like we couldn’t say anything because he appeared to be trying. It was a real weird situation. I guess if you’re paying for an expensive dinner it’s okay to be a little more demanding – I think I’m too nice! haha!
I would just like to know what Lily was thinking in the” …” part after What The.
Maybe the waiter was just practicing for his audition the next day in that new Canadia soap opera, As The Plates Spin..
She was trying to suppress laughter. We were all a little in disbelief, like is this guy for real? Lol!
We had a guy recently who was just bouncing off the freaking walls serving us. Way too much winking (even one wink is excessive), way too many irritating slaphappy “jokes,” and to top it off, he poured Pop Rocks into my wife’s margarita. Which then exploded all over the table, just as he predicted.
The actual service? Terrible.
OMG. He sounds like possibly the worst waiter ever. He gives my guy a run for his money. Seriously, pop rocks? I would have been majorly upset. I hate the jokey type most of all. It’s really manipulative and passive. They’re trying to appear nice but they know you’re not enjoying it. You’re at their mercy. Normally I give a good tip, like 20%, but in such cases I bring it way down. It’s the only re-course you have.