Rock of Ages

F I L M    R E V I E W   F R I D A Y

I don’t even know where to begin or how to describe this film. As I left the theater I felt completely unsure of my recommendation. I’ve come up with some questions. I believe the answers will be a good indication if you’ll enjoy this little 80’s romp or not. Here goes…

1. Did you enjoy Flashdance when it was released in the 80’s?

2. How do you feel about Fame, Footloose, and Mama Mia?

3. Was there ever a time when you thought Tom Cruise was cute and believed his cuteness might be magnified with some black eye liner, long hair and Rock ‘n Roll attire?

4. Do you like 80’s “rock” songs? (Bon Jovi, Poison, Journey, Pat Benetar, Joan Jett, Def Leppard, etc.)

5. Do you think Alec Baldwin is funny no matter what he’s in, even if he’s wearing a bad wig and has most of his scenes opposite Russell Brand?

6. Do you embrace cheesy movies?

If you answered yes to most of these questions, then I think you’ll have fun with Rock of Ages. It definitely won’t be for everyone, seriously. It hits a very strange note. It tries to be funny and it never really gets there. It tries to tell a little love story and that sort of falls flat, too. I could easily see why someone would think it’s a dud. It misses it’s mark completely.

HOWEVER, if you’re able to compartmentalize like moi, you will delight in the fact that Tom Cruise is super, crazy, sexy in this. No, seriously, he is. He and I are exactly the same age and let me tell you, he puts all 50 year olds to shame. He’s burning up the screen in this. He was totally riveting. Go see it and tell me I’m wrong. (He sings!) There are enough attractive women in this to satisfy the male audience — they’re scantily clad, gyrating and apparently, all professional dancers. (Julianne Hough, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Malin Ackerman) Catherine Zeta-Jones is always good in my opinion. So if you combine the dancing, music and Tom Cruise element you’ll be entertained. It moves fast and goes from one song/ dance sequence to another in rapid succession.

*** In defense of Tom Cruise. I know a lot of you dislike him but here are some reasons why you shouldn’t… Jerry Maguire, Valkyrie, The Last Samurai, A Few Good Men, Far and Away, Born on the Fourth of July, Rain Man, The Color of Money, Risky Business, The Outsiders, Taps. All very good movies in my opinion. And if you’re reading this Mr. Cruise, you’re welcome. ***

I don’t want to be responsible for anyone hating or walking out of this one. Hopefully this review will either make you want to see it or you’ll know to steer clear. It’s definitely not for children as it’s pretty raunchy.

I give this a grade S, for Stacee Jaxx.