My Dental Odyssey…

Dear Readers, I have officially entered the gates of hell. I’d invite you to come in and sit by the fire, but I wouldn’t wish my current situation on my worst enemy. Please stay where you are. Instead, I’ll write a post and share with you a snippet of my last few nightmarish days…

TOOTH #28

I’ve always been fond of tooth 28, though I didn’t really know his name until recently. He sits on the lower right side of my mouth and sort of looks like a baby molar except he has a slightly jagged head on him. I’m sure, by that scientific description, you know exactly the one I’m speaking of. Anyway, he started causing trouble a few weeks ago, just very intermittently.  This past week the pain grew more intense, and by ‘pain’ I mean on a scale of 1 to 10, I’m talking ELEVEN (maybe twelve). Eleven means you entertain sawing your own head off with a rusty blade, for a moment of relief. 

LONG STORY SHORT-ISH

I went to consult an endodontist and he said, “You’ve been grinding the hell out of your teeth. This one is cracked and you’ll need a root canal.” Then he left for an extended vacation the next day. SUPER! I went back to my dentist, told her what he said and she was very surprised because she said it looked like a very healthy tooth. She said it was a “virgin” tooth. (Not really sure what that means… but my other teeth seemed kind of offended.)  She gave me a prescription for antibiotics and sent me on my way but as you may have guessed, the pain increased to a full 12 and I found myself at another endodontist’s office. He said, “You don’t need a root canal, Dr. D— was unethical and just wanted to take your money.” Really? He told me to get a mouth guard to wear at night and take 3 Advil.

Why don’t these people understand that I’m on the verge of a complete maniacal breakdown? Don’t they understand that tooth #28 has turned into Satan? Don’t they know this pain is driving me to the intersection of torture and  HELL!

The very next day I return to his office and attempt to make clear EXACTLY what my pain level is. I think he can kind of tell since my hair is not brushed, my clothes are wrinkled from being on the floor and I have dark rings of death under my eyes. He gets me in the chair and starts numbing me up. I get the root canal and go home with the right side of my head completely numb – I even think my right brain was partially numb. I’m not exactly sure how I drove home? At least there was some glorious relief!!!

TODAY

If any of my readers have any firearms, please feel free to come to my house and shoot me in the face. Or, if one of you has enough Morphine to put me into a coma… I’d welcome that, as well. The pain has returned!!! It’s as if the root canal was never done!!! HOLY HELL! Now, what do I do? All of the Endodontists in my area take friday off. Isn’t that convenient? Apparently no one gets tooth pain on friday except me.

If you don’t hear from me in the next few days, please know that it was a pleasure meeting and getting to know all of you, I think the world of my blogging friends…. I’m only kidding! I won’t kill myself, I’d miss everyone too much! I’m nothing if not a survivor, sure, I’m a complainer, but I think under the circumstances it’s allowed. Suffice it to say, I won’t be eating any Popcorn today.

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