Hot Fun In The Summertime… Part Two

Welcome back readers! I hope you’re ready for some more of my gripping summer memories.

Bay Head, New Jersey, 1976

This was the summer of America’s 200th birthday, the Bicentennial. My parents had rented a house for the summer on the Jersey Shore, the nice part of Jersey — not the Snookie part. Anyway, My older sister invited her boyfriend, Greg, to stay for a couple of weeks. He was darn good-looking. To say I had a crush on him would be a major understatement. One afternoon, after swimming in the ocean, I returned to the house and went to the backyard to use the outdoor shower. As it happened, Greg was in the backyard, too. Suddenly, I had a bright idea – a way to get Greg’s attention and be funny at the same time. I would step out from the shower, holding just a towel in front of me, bathing suit straps down, so as to give the appearance that I was naked underneath. I’d call out to him and then drop the towel, only to reveal that I had a bathing suit on! haha! That would be funny, right? Well, maybe to a 14 year old?

My plan, though masterfully plotted, didn’t go down right — but it did go down. You see, when I dropped the towel the top of my bathing suit fell over with it, only I didn’t sense that it went down. I stood there with my arms up in the air, smiling and thinking that I had just pulled off a great prank. When I saw the look of horror on his face and watched him turn his head, I looked down, only to see my sad, little, flat chest. I was completely mortified, like, I want to get back in the ocean and get eaten by sharks, mortified. I don’t think I made eye contact with him again for the remainder of that vacation.

I’ll always remember that summer, celebrating the country’s Bicentennial with a clothing malfunction of epic proportion that would make our founding fathers sick blush.