When Opposites Attract…
The topic of my last post, Relationship theories, lends itself to a discussion, or at least a look, at famous married odd couples. I think if you know the background on any of the following couples you’ll agree that they are, or were, attracted by the pull of “Repetition Compulsion.” Let’s take a look, shall we? (I’ll just lightly skim the surface.)
Jane Fonda and Ted Turner- She has major father issues. Ted Turner is the ultimate overbearing father figure – Jane (we know her as a strong woman) reverted to her childhood wound, trying to win his (her dad’s) approval and love.
Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn- He has mother issues galore – he punished and rejected Mia Farrow (maybe his mom) and chose the quiet/passive, compliant Soon-Yi as a replacement – someone whose approval he didn’t have to win.
Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller –She always felt deficient intellectually. I’ll go out on a limb and guess that marrying Marilyn was a big boost to his male ego making him the ultimate virile Man. They both married what they believed were their deficiencies. Then there’s the issue of her need for a father… This was doomed.
Lisa Marie Presley and Michael Jackson – This one is very obvious. She married her father; a tragic, American superstar, icon. She probably needed/wanted to be loved by him and simultaneously wanted to save him from himself. Very sad.
Sandra Bullock and Jesse James – I think Sandy wanted to save or love a man back to being happy. This was a rescue. I think she may have felt that her mother abandoned her father on some emotional level and so sub-consciously she would be there for her husband. She’d make it right. Also at play, is that on a subconscious level maybe she knew he would emotionally abandon and reject her as she had experienced as a child with her mother. He never felt worthy of her (low self-esteem, a gift from his abusive father) so he would sabotage the relationship and hurt her before she hurt him. Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger – She married someone who appears slightly arrogant, strong and willful — someone interested in politics and acting. He obviously needs and enjoys being the center of attention and feeling important. He also happens to be a philanderer. He’s immature. I’m guessing that Arnold was emotionally unavailable to Maria. She was never the center of his world. She’s intelligent, strong, maybe disapproving? Somewhere between their pasts was fertile ground for working out childhood emotional issues.
Even though we’ll never know the full story on these couples, it’s clear that there are other subconscious forces at work in their relationships. Other odd couples might include:
- Keith Richards and Patti Hansen – She’s a beautiful super model. She’s a devout Christian, conservative Republican and he’s none of the above.
- Mary Matalin and James Carville – Republican and Democrat deluxe!
- Salman Rushdie and Padma Lakshmi – No need to state the obvious.
Lastly, I’d like to add that LOVE is not necessarily in question in these relationships. I think there was real love in all of them, but sometimes love is not enough to overcome the wounds of the past. (Unless you enjoy and can afford years of therapy!)
Ah, but what of Mickey and Minnie Mouse?
There’re probably a few skeletons in that closet!
Yes, undoubtedly there are many skeletons in that closet, not to mention a strange mousey wardrobe – the likes of which no mouse has ever seen. 🙂
Holy crap, this was great. Now that you’ve explained this, it’s very easy to see why people do what they do. Why some relationships work and some don’t. Why some have to have starter marriages and how we always choose someone that at least has some similarities to our parents. I read somewhere that are most important role model is our same sex parent. A girl learns how to treat herself by the way her mother treats herself. A boy learns how to do the same by his Dad. Do you think this is true.
Interesting, interesting stuff, Grippy. Enjoyed this very much!!
(And now Arnold has written a book about the whole mess — what a d*ck.)
B, I love the “starter marriage”, probably b/c I did that! 🙂 And Ahnold is a d**k.
Haha, Brigitte!!! I love the “starter marriage,” too!!! Agree, Ahnold is a major d**k-wad. I also agree with that point about the same sex parent. Little girls identify with their mothers, so how the father treats the mother is also of the UTMOST importance. The greatest gift a father can give his daughter is to love her mother.
Your parent’s marriage is the model for the way you’ll relate to the opposite sex. It could be good or bad but usually it’s a mixed bag.
This seems like a Thursday topic Lisa! You’ve got me all turned around. 😉 I can’t say that I agree on some of these, but interesting all the same. If you write too much more on marriage, I may end up… hmm.
haha! I should have put a disclaimer on this. I obviously don’t know the intimate details of these celebrity relationships, although I did read Mia Farrow’s book, so that one I think I do know. Most of them seem fairly obvious, psychology 101, but I could be off base. I know enough about each to write a fluff piece on celebrity marriage – how’s that? 🙂
I think I’ll take my therapist hat off for awhile. 🙂 It’s not my intention to rattle anyone’s cage. It’s all good.
I also read Jane Fonda’s book and her brother, Peter’s book, so I feel good about that one as well.
You are NOT rattling my cage at all! I love your writing and how you think… I know we all tend to tell each other how much we love blog posts, or agree, but I figured it was ok to say that I don’t agree with all of it, but I like that you think it through and put it out there. I didn’t think you were over-stepping or getting it all wrong, I just had some different ideas about some of them. That said, (again) I love that you think about things and then put it out there… that’s why I follow what you write! If we all agreed all the time, it would be very dull. It IS all good. 😉
Okay, phew. haha! I put it out there, all right. It does render us slightly vulnerable each time we publish. I always hope that my words come out right. I don’t know if you know, but I’m dyslexic and I struggle sometimes with finding the right words and with being coherent! ha! It’s true. I read everyone’s comments and posts sometimes 3 and 4 times to make sure I’m comprehending what they’re saying. I also re-read my own words, like 100 times, to make sure there are no errors– but I always find mistakes!
NO WORRIES! It is all good, and great that we can open lines of communication: agree or disagree. I appreciate the level of respect and thought. 🙂
This was a clever and strongly supported post! Nice work. I think most people don’t take the time to look deep into their relationships, not to mention the relationships of those who are in the media. Hey look! Stars, they’re just like us!
They certainly are. Some of this stuff seems obvious. Some of it, however, I took an educated guess on. tee hee. So let them sue me!
this is a wonderful compilation! I’m just mad I haven’t identified any on my own yet!!!
You will. Give it time.
Good one Lis, love it. I wish Marilyn had stuck with Joe DiMaggio she might be alive today. And Woody Allen…so icky, marrying your step-daughter is the uber icky mcickersons!
That one is especially gross. If you read Mia Farrow’s book, “What Falls Away,” you see what a sick and troubled man he really is – such a creeper. Eww.
Marilyn has such a sad story, doesn’t she? She was bounced around as a kid, no real roots or identity, no grounding. No wonder she was looking for love in all the wrong places – Joe DiMaggio loved her so completely, but I guess she didn’t love herself enough to think she deserved that love. Sooo Sad. 😦
Marilyn’s is a truly tragic story because she was as talented as she hoped she was and when everyone else figured it out, it was too late.
And, um, damn Kennedy’s. 🙂
haha! I know. I don’t think she ever loved herself or saw herself as having any worth. She was the poster girl for low self esteem and crappy childhoods. She could probably never imagine the icon status she achieved after she died.
Lisa this is fascinating. I think you pegged them all right on! I just watched a documentary about Woody the other day. In it his mother basically said she was always yelling at him and that she was hard on him. And he spent most of his time in his room with his door shut. I definitely got the feeling she wasn’t pleased with how he’d turned out.
I always got the feeling that Maria liked Arnie way more than he liked her. Why I don’t know. I always thought he was kind of creepy looking and not very attractive sounding. I think he was just using her for her name — like right after the wedding he made a check by: Marry a Kennedy. HA!
I would be interested in knowing what you thought about Charles and Diana . . . .
Woody Allen’s issues are so deep and disturbing, aren’t they? I read Mia Farrow’s book, “What Falls Away.” He seems to be a full blown narcissist and misogynist – not to mention all his other neurotic “stuff.” It’s my understanding, too, that his mother was pretty awful and demanding. Can you imagine being with someone like him and then finding naked pictures of your adopted daughter in his apartment. I think I would have gotten sick on the spot. Ewww. It’s so wrong and yet he has no sense of remorse or empathy.
Maria Shriver seems so smart and together and likable. She’s a girl’s girl. She looks like someone we could be friends with, right? I’m sure there was something about him that she sub-consciously felt drawn to, something there that she could re-create childhood feelings with. I don’t know much about Eunice Kennedy or her father, Sergeant Shriver, but I’ll bet she had unresolved issues with her dad. Just a hunch.
Charles and Diana! LOL! I think they deserve their very own post! (But I did like Diana and felt so sorry for her. Again, she had a crappy, lonely childhood and felt unlovable. It doesn’t surprise me that she would sub-consciously recreate it with Charles.)
Oh I really liked Diana too. After she died I never touched another tabloid again (I won’t even touch one now) and about a year later I had a dream where she came and thanked me for not reading tabloids. Then she said she had a lot of other people to thank and got back in her little red sports car and drove away! Poor Diana. I think her mother abandoned the family when she was 5 or 6. She had a tragic life.
Maria seems very down to earth. After she married Arnold I noticed she always looked too thin. When she was on one of the morning shows she was so pretty (before she met Arnold). I’ll bet her dad was unavailable physically and emotionally.
On that Woody Allen documentary which was recently made (he apparently has two kids with Soon-yi now) he seemed like a broken man to me. Just going through the motions. Very unhappy and sad. I guess it’s not easy to be a happy narcissist — somethings always getting in the way of your needs!
haha! The red sports car! That’s funny, Linda. I’ve had Diana dreams, too! I think a lot of women could relate to her and feel her pain. She seemed like someone we could be friends with, right? She did have a tragic life starting in early childhood. Only someone with her unhappy childhood (abandoned by her mom) could marry a man knowing he didn’t love her, but was in love with someone else. Ugh. It really mirrors what she felt as a child; unlovable, not important, diminished, lonely. I don’t know who said it but she really was, at that point, “a lamb to slaughter.” Of course I’ve read every book about her! ha! The person who I blame in many ways is the queen who didn’t have the sensitivity to see that by promoting this marriage she was destroying a young woman’s life. The old fashioned notion that the prince needed to marry a virgin with the right breeding is ultimately what did them in. If Charles had shown a little backbone and said I can’t marry someone I’m not in love with and the queen had the good sense to see the writing on the wall… then maybe she’d still be alive today. All that ridiculous protocol… So oppressive. I don’t think any of her children are happy or well adjusted and that speaks to her as a parent.
I agree completely with the Ah-nold and Maria debacle. I think you’re exactly right. Woody Allen… I have no words. He is very sick. Hard to believe he’s been in therapy his entire life. Time to change therapists!!! haha!
Wait a minute Lisa…and you know this is coming…isn’t love enough to overcome the wounds of the past?…I’m not talking the “Oh Honey, what great big breasts you have.” or the “Oh Sweetheart, what great big bank accounts you have.”type of “love”…but I’m talking about the real, willing to work at it, fight tooth and nail for it, compassionate, gracious, awesome, soulful LOVE.
I’m all ears…
Be encouraged!
I want to say yes, BUT, remember love is a two way street. You can be the most loving and adoring and patient person in the world, but if your partner/spouse doesn’t love themselves, then they will never be able to accept the love that you are offering. Then it just becomes one person filling another person’s well. That’s not a healthy relationship, in my book. So to sum it up, both partners have to love themselves before they can love and receive love from another. Some people are so wounded that they will NEVER love themselves even if you spend years trying to turn them around.
Look at Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe. He loved her deeply but because she didn’t love herself she couldn’t accept his love. Sort of along the lines of “I don’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member.” Marilyn felt unlovable, defective, broken, not whole – I don’t think she trusted anyone that loved her for these reasons. A Catch 22. There was no love that was going to fix that wound. She’d have to somehow learn to love herself but she couldn’t because she was too busy proving to herself that she was unlovable.
Does that make sense to you?
Crap Lisa…I forgot to mention love had to flow equally both ways…gosh darn it…and I was so eloquent too…
Be encouraged!
haha! I always want to believe that LOVE solves everything but sadly, it doesn’t when the other person won’t let it. You’re ALWAYS eloquent, Stephen. 🙂
Sometimes I wonder if I’m better for having escaped marriage or a long term binding committment. I planned to marry the man I was with for ten years but I dodged the bullet. In reflection, I think not everyone should be married and a lot of us do it because it’s an ideal. Now that I have a better handle on myself and my daddy/mommy issues — I’m too damn old! 😦
While I know woman in their 50s and 60s who got together with men who they married or had long term relationships with, I know it’s not the norm. But I can dream! I first had to stop acting so tough like I didn’t care. I do care — I do — yes — I’d love to meet my soul mate!
Aww… Sandee. I think you will. This is what I know about relationships even though they’re so overwhelming and tiresome, ready…? Drumroll……..
“It’s only in the context of a relationship that we can grow.” I don’t know who said it but somebody did and it wasn’t me! It’s way too profound. haha!
So I’m guessing during that 10 year relationship is when you did the most emotional growing, in your adult life? What do you think? Yes, no? It gets very philosophical when you consider that relationships are a pain in the butt and require a lot from us. If that’s how and when we “Grow” as humans, does that mean that our lives are supposed to be challenging and difficult, sprinkled with some happiness? I can see why some people prefer to fly solo. There are pros and cons to both. I guess you have to choose what makes you happy and make sure that you’re not making that choice in fear.
That’s it — gotta leave fear out of it and keep an open heart.
I think I did a lot of growing in that period — all the bad stuff about me came to the surface and was mirrored in my partner. Too bad so much time had to go by but oh well. Must forge ahead!
Just be your beautiful self and if it’s meant to happen it will.
(ok you guys had me laughing at d*ck and d*ckwad..) on a more serious note.. you’re really killing me with these reflective posts.. self analyzing and trying to see where I and we(husband) fit into all of this? Scratching my (arse) head. I’m screwed up enough!
A great follow up from last time– I enjoyed this very much
Audra
Don’t get too bogged down with it. It’s heavy. If it ain’t broke, then don’t fix it. And for heaven sake, Audra, yours is NOT broke. 🙂 tee hee
but it is fun to take the Grippy rules and see if they apply .. it is not broken, hell no :). I gots me a good one
You got that right. I think the rest of us would like a little of what you got going on. 🙂
The Woody-Soon Yi one still makes me shake my head and say “Why, How?”.. The lastest Demi/Ashton fiasco really was quite sad. She really loves that man and we all know a 20 something man is going to grow & change.. No winners there.. The ones we think will fail last and the one’s that seem so right, fail.. odd how that is…
I think Demi Moore is a sad person behind all the glamour and fame. From what I understand she had a rough childhood, moving around all the time and an alcoholic mother, to boot. She probably has abandonment issues compounded with a genetic predisposition for drugs and alcohol. I think she wants to be loved but doesn’t love herself – which we know is a prerequisite for any healthy relationship.
The Woody Allen stuff is so gross. Mia farrow actually found nude pictures of her adopted daughter in his apartment. That would have destroyed me on so many levels. I think he’s all intellect and zero emotional intelligence. He has no understanding and so no remorse for his actions. He’s a bit of a narcissist, I think.
This was great, Lisa! I’m sordidly fascinated with celebrity couples because they often seem so fabricated but oddly real at the same time. Whenever stars get together, I cross my fingers that they’ll stay together since the odds are not good. I think I would honestly feel sad if Will Smith and Jeda Pinkett Smith, or Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner split up.
Me too! I really like Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. They seem like such a cute and normal couple, at least by Hollywood standards. She seems very grounded. You can tell she’s a good mom just from looking at the pictures. Her kids are always laughing and having fun with her.
Celebrity couples are fun to examine psychologically, sure, we have to fill in some of the blanks, but in time you start to get an idea of who they really are and what makes them tick. I always root for them, as well. It feels like 9 out of 10 don’t last. I think living in that fake, vapid world must take a toll on those couples.
Homer and Marge?
I think it’s pretty obvious that Marge has some daddy damage she’s dealing with.
The one that made me scratch my head the most was Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn. I still cannot understand how that one has lasted so long. And I laughed out loud at your observation about Salman Rushdie and Padma Lakshmi. She has all the charm and personality of a popsicle stick, but when you look like that, I doubt it really matters to certain men. I just thought Salman had more sense than that. On the other hand, if your life can be snuffed out any minute by militant Iranians, you may as well live it up.
I think Woody Allen was looking for a female companion who would be passive and non-threatening, someone he could feel emotionally safe with. And…I think he found her in Soon-Yi Previn. haha! Also, after all the hoopla he probably felt like he had to prove that it was the real deal. The whole thing is sordid.
I think “Padma” actually translates to “beautiful popsicle stick” in her native Indian language. haha! Maybe Salman Rushdie should have gone for someone a little more intellectually stimulating rather than physically stimulating. …ya think?
theres more reaction in opposite attraction
Do you mean more reaction from the public? Or more reaction between the couple themselves?
the couple after over ten years of being together i know its a good thing though
I think you’re right. After ten years it should be pretty solid. But it doesn’t always last.
I’m amazed how many examples you found and how obvious they seem once you point them out. I still think most people end up dating people exactly or the complete opposite of their parent. I always end up with girls a lot like my mom (sometimes such random things in common it’s scary) and my younger sister always dates guys the complete opposite of my dad (black guys).
I thought I married the complete opposite of my dad but, my subconscious was way trickier than I thought, and my husband ended having the same issues that I had never resolved with my dad. Your sister may pick someone who looks and acts different than your dad but trust me… There will emerge an issue that has your dad or mom written all over it. We can’t over ride the subconscious which will always pull us into familiar territory. (I’m sure there’s an occasional exception but I’d say 9 out of 10 relationships end up being the result of Repetition Compulsion.) It’s freaky.
How has no one mentioned Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas?! Some deffo weirdness going off there!
Yeah, you may be right…? I happen to know they share the same birthday so they probably have similar personalities. I also know that they fell in love at their first meeting. I can see him falling for her but, hold the presses! He’s old and gross. haha! Only kidding, but not really. I don’t know what their “thing” is? I’ll have to do some digging. And they have kids, too! It seems to be working, though so I’ll give ’em some credit.
Also, I’ve been listening to Imagine Dragons. I love them. Thanks for that.
I hope when I’m his age I manage to get someone as hot as her pregnant, I’ll then be too old to have to look after the children so it’d all work out fine 😀
I listen to Radioactive by Imagine Dragons at least twice a day (to and from work), they’re awesome. You should check out Woodkid too! He’s French!
Lisa Marie and Michael Jackson marriage was so strange to me. I really thought at the first moment I heard about it that it wouldn’t work. And it didn’t. I was sad to see the Jennifer Anniston/Brad Pitt marriage break up. I think he and Angelina Jolie seem like opposites (that work, I guess)!
I think when two people like Lisa Marie and Michael Jackson get married there are so many more issues at play. It was pretty obvious that it wasn’t going to work. I think she had some sub-conscious stuff to work out. Two wounded people do not a happy healthy couple make! ha!
Jennifer Anniston and Brad Pitt, looked good together but that was probably all they had. I think she’s somebody who doesn’t speak to her mom. Maybe there was some reason she was drawn to him, like he would recreate the wound she had with her mother? He and Angelina do seem like an odd couple but obviously they’ve got major chemistry.
Gee, I’d hate to have my love life play out in public, wouldn’t that be awful?
Lisa you need a syndicated relationship column. The world needs you! 😀
Haha! Wouldn’t that be fun?! Thanks for that, Linda!