A letter to a girl I used to know…
Dear Lisa,
This letter is to impart some valuable life lessons that, by all accounts, you should receive, but sadly, you won’t. Unfortunately we’re not born with a crystal ball, a road map, or the wisdom that would benefit us during our formative years. If I could turn back the clock, I would want you to carry this letter with you. The most important thing you should remember as your life unfolds is that you’re worth loving. Don’t try to be anything you’re not. If someone doesn’t love you for who you are, then you don’t need that person in your life. Love should not be work. You can’t love people back to wellness if they don’t love themselves. You don’t need to be strong for everyone, you don’t even need to be strong for yourself. It’s okay to fall apart when life gets hard, and it definitely will. Try to surround yourself with light and happy friends and family – those are the people who are most like you – they’ll edify and nourish you. Those in your life who are negative, heavy and broken, will drain you until you become physically ill. Don’t let that happen. Some of the messages you received as a child were unhealthy. Just because you have a different learning style, doesn’t mean your dumb. I know, it’s hard to erase that message. There are all kinds of intelligences. You have emotional intelligence and you love people – if you go forward with confidence, understanding that, you’ll find joy in those pursuits. Also, the family you were given is the hand you were dealt. It’s okay to fold that hand. The idea that you have to sacrifice your own happiness and well-being to be a member of a family, is false. No one should tolerate neglect and abuse for a family’s sake. We all make choices. You’re not responsible for the way other people navigate through life. You can love your family but give yourself distance and strong boundaries that will protect you in the years to come. Your greatest joy will come from your two children. Don’t rush through any part of those early years even though you’ll be flying solo for much of it, and you’ll be tired. Treasure every moment with them. You’ll be a loving and kind mother – always there to guide, nurture and protect them. Parenting will fall heavy on your shoulders. Through it all I know that you’ll maintain your eternal perspective, staying faithful and close to Heavenly Father. That’s where you’ll be strong. Remember that you are loved beyond your comprehension. Let THAT be the message that guides your life and you’ll have a bright and beautiful future.
Love,
Someone who knows you, well.
Beautifully written–if only we had known then what we know now. Hugs to Lisa then and Hugs to Lisa now.
Thanks, LouAnn. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was doing with this but it felt a little therapeutic, maybe cathartic? It made me sad.
Both Lisa’s thank you for that sweet hug!
xoxo
This is so kind and sad. But I think it’s important that we all take a step back and look at our lives from this perspective instead of only being in-the-moment. Life is hard, but trudging through the hard times makes you a stronger, better person because you didn’t give up.
Thanks for being such a good mom. We love you! 😀
Thanks for being my sunshine!! I love you!! xoxo
While reading this I put my hand up and said ‘hallelujah!’ There so much of this I definitely needed to hear. I second your comment about loving some family members at a distance. I learned that a while ago. If a relationship is toxic, I’m responsible to myself for stepping back to make sure I’m not poisoned. What good am I then to anyone. But this isn’t the only thing I got from your post. I should print out the whole thing and carry it around in my pocket book 🙂 Press on regardless Lisa, keep you own advice at hand. God can be the ultimate nurturer. Thanks for this. And I do indeed love that photo!
Right, what good are we to anyone when we get ourselves emotionally worn down? Amen to that. It takes a while to figure out though, doesn’t it? Too long.
I’m glad you liked this, I wasn’t sure what I was doing but it felt therapeutic. I think it’s good to step back and change the perspective. It did make me sad – especially when I added the photo. I look at that young girl and sigh, I know how optimistic and sure of myself I was, and now I see how very little I understood.
Thanks for being my ever loving support and friend, Sandee! I can press on more easily knowing you’re out there 🙂
I relate to so much of what you write and I love your style of communicating. Of course I connect to it and can empathize with what you experience. So I’m here with my ears, eyes and heart wide open! See you later…
Where is the ‘Love’ button? Like doesn’t quite cover the feelings evoked by this letter.
This girl’s growing up formed the amazing woman we all know. I’ve no doubt that if her life had been different, this woman wouldn’t still be amazing, I also have no doubt that her experiences have allowed her to be empathetic to the nth degree. Her sadness created that bedrock upon which a wonderful lighthouse was built.
You rock.
Thanks, Miss Addie. That’s a sweet comment. I guess we all should remember that. –We wouldn’t be the people we are today without all the heartache from the past. True. I always tell my clients to do stuff like this and hey, it actually feels good and brings relief. What do you know!
Like Harper, I think I’m gonna take a break from posting for a bit but I’ll be around to read stuff. I feel whipped.
Lisa
xox
Do what you need to do in order to make it though each day. Unpack just one box, or even a part of a box. Lie in bed all day if you want to, watching movies or sticking pins in a voodoo doll. Write for yourself, write for us, Skype with your wonderful daughter, enjoy Bud. Have him unpack a box while you sip tea. Dance the hokey pokey. Run around without your clothes on (I’d do this one when you are alone at home, experience speaking). Cry. Laugh. Curse. Praise. Pray. Sing. Find peace.
In all of this, know your little ‘hood of folk think about you and worry about you and wish you the very best, and, as we wait for Harper to check for his shadow, we’ll wait for you, too.
You take care of Lisa for as long as Lisa needs you. We are willing to wait.
x
If I run around without my clothes I might become despondent! haha!
Thanks, my love!
On an unrelated note, I had a FedEx box arrive earlier today (that the FedEx man risked his life to stop from falling on the wet road) and I actually love you. More showers of love to come later 😀 xxx
YAY!! I just mailed it yesterday! That was great, huh? The present was a last minute rush – just something very little so you know you’re loved 🙂
FedEx are nothing if not swift! It always amazes me how something that leaves your house in the middle of the US will reach mine in the middle of the UK in less time than it’d actually take me to leave my house to get to yours haha. I feel very loved, especially after the day I’ve had! 🙂
PS Wow, what strong DNA!! Lily looks just like you!! Isn’t she the lucky one?
Awww… that’s kind!
Even though younger Lisa didn’t have this letter, just from reading her online interactions with Lily (and the rest of us), she learned all sorts of lessons about love and how to wield it to the best possible ends.
And even with (because?) of the hardships younger Lisa overcame, it’s a privilege and an honor to know her now.
On an unrelated note, wow, you look just like Lily in that pic.
Thanks, kind Guapo. The feeling is very mutual – it is a privilege and honor to know you, too. Thanks for always saying the best and most heart felt things. 🙂
Indeed, Lily and I do look a lot alike.
Okay, now burn it! You’ve learned enough from the past. Keep doing the right things and stop doing the wrong things. You will someday move forward. Everyone will tell you it will take time. I say, excelerate the process. Use that “smarts” you have and say, how will I feel in a year–start feeling that now! Times a wastin’, girl. Get greedy. Get grabby. HF
Thank you for stopping by before you took your “long winter’s nap.”
Gee, it’s been a hot minute since my life crumbled, HF. Sheesh! Give me a few weeks to process this and then I’ll kick it into gear. Thanks for the free therapy. LOL!
Seriously, I know exactly what you’re saying and I’m going to do my best to accelerate the process. Greedy and grabby, huh?
Have a beautiful, warm and cozy, family Christmas, Harper!!
Much love,
Lisa
Okay, I get it, but I think you just threw a way a crutch. The crumbling you feel is fear. You are suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. Your clinging to your captor. You can envision your new life. But I can! And it’s a doozy! Wowzer! Anyway, you’d the “paid” psychologist and I’m just another writer. However, we both have a common goal and that is whatever is best for LISA! Get it! HF
Stockholm Syndrome! haha!
A doozy… I hope you’re right, I really do!
PS: Lily does look a lot like you but Lily’s cheeks are fatter. HF
PSS: Don’t tell Lily I said that. She’s kind of sensitive. You look about 15 in that picture. I would have so dated you. But you probably wouldn’t have gone out with me. You would probably be all “no way, jose” on me. And then I would hate you. So, I guess it’s best we never met. Where was I? Oh, yeah, Lily. Don’t say anything about her fat cheeks. HF
Oooo! Now you’re gonna be in trouble!!
Okay, I won’t. She’s sensitive. You’re right.
Hey, I would’ve dated you in a heart beat. Puh-leaze! The question is, once you saw that I was adorned with Puka shells around my neck, would you have wanted to date me? LOL! That picture was taken in 1977. So according to my calculation we were both 15! You nailed it.
Lisa, I would have gently kissed your neck around them. Nah, that’s what the current Harper would do. The 15 year old Harper would have said, “these dang things are in my way” all the while trying to distract you so I could get to second base!
Please post a picture of 15 year old Harper so I can see who’s kissing my neck and attempting to get to second base.
Sorry, nap time.You’ll just have to wait until sometime in the New Year! God bless you, you tall Mormon lady! HF
There goes the pot calling the kettle black. Harper’s on my hit list.
Wait, wait. It was just that picture. This one shows you have really thin cheeks! It most have been poor lighting. But gosh darn you do look like your mother but only with, you know, longer hair. HF
You can’t go back and say I have thin cheeks now! But it’s actually true, I think I do have chunkier cheeks anyway.
For some reason I can’t get back into your blog?? I think the idea of you resolving not to BE a Mayan is even funnier – if we’re talkin’ pure comedy. (I’m sticking with that.) Lily, God bless her, has an awesome sense of humor and thought your comment was actually funny. Will she retaliate – yes, of course. Does the sun rise in the east and set in the west?
Yeah, I took the blog down. After you and Addie commented, there really wasn’t anything else that could be said. In addition, I decided to go back in hibernation. Have a great New Year. HF
Lily, you’re beautiful. Just like your mother. Now, go dig some snow! HF
😉
Ah Lisa! That sweet smiling face of that sweet little Lisa. Aw! She did a really good job in spite of all the difficulties life handed her. What a beautiful letter you’ve written. It’s too bad we have to make the most important decisions of our lives when we are just kids and the least able to judge what the best decisions for us are! Life is a very tricky thing. I love when you said, “You’re not responsible for the way other people navigate through life” oh if I would have known that when I was younger!! and “the family you were given is the hand you were dealt. It’s okay to fold that hand.” What a revelation that idea would have been to me back then! It took me 50 years to realize that. And when I finally did and cut that person out of my life for good, everything changed for me. I finally started to love myself! It was like I finally took off a 5,000 pound backpack that I had gotten so used to I didn’t even know it was there! And then one day as I was going about my daily routine I suddenly realized I was happy and for no other reason than just because I was alive. Oh this life of ours! What a precious beautiful thing it is to be alive!!!
Oh Linda! Your comment fills me with real joy. I think I’ve just arrived at the point where you came to this very same conclusion. It’s so encouraging and gives me so much hope to know that you’ve blazed this very trail and come out happier on the other side. I remember telling my mother a few years ago that some family members were “heavy” and that I was getting worn down. (this is around the same time that my back issues showed up…hmm….) So when you mention the 5,000 pound backpack, I can totally relate.
Yeah, too bad we can’t figure this stuff out much sooner. I always think of, “The Wizard of Oz,” that scene when Glinda tells Dorothy she wouldn’t have believed it – she had to find out for herself – “Now those magic slippers will take you home in 2 seconds!” I guess that’s how we learn here, in mortality…
I was also reminded, by the last line you wrote, of the play, “Our Town.” When all is said and done, it really is a precious, beautiful thing to be alive!
Thanks, Linda, for always adding the right and sweet perspective. 🙂
Well I’m glad you can finally take off that weight. (I bet your back will get better and better- and before you know it, you’re wings are going to unfurl and you’re going to fly!! You just wait!)
And you’re right she had to find it out for herself! I’ve always loved the Wizard of Oz. And this conversation makes me want to go back and watch it again. Maybe I’ll put it on for Christmas eve.
And I always loved the play “Our Town” too. We read it in my sophomore English class. And we also read the Glass Menagerie in that class. I can honestly say those are the only two things I really remember about high school! LOL! But they are the kind of stories that stay with you for the rest of your life.
I’m excited for you Lisa! I can’t wait to see all the wonderful things that are coming your way. I can just feel it!! 😀
That’s all I remember, too!
Thanks, Linda.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your family. Let’s hope and pray that the New Year brings peace, love, and blessings to each of us.
Much Love!!
Lisa
xoxoxo
Thank you Lisa. I know this last year of being your friend has already brought me joy and happiness. And yes yes yes!! New Year’s Peace, Love and Blessings to each of us!! Much love back ❤ !!
Dear Lisa,
What a beautiful young woman you are (and were) and what a beautiful wise woman you’ve become.
This: “The most important thing you should remember as your life unfolds is that you’re worth loving. Don’t try to be anything you’re not. If someone doesn’t love you for who you are, then you don’t need that person in your life. Love should not be work.”
My dear friend, you’ve got it figured out. Love, love, love your way because you so deserve it. That and every good thing your beautiful life has to offer and has in store for you. Just wait, the best is yet to come.
Brigitte
xxoo
You and I must be on the same wave length. I was gonna email you today and see how you’re doing 🙂
“Just wait, the best is yet to come.” You have no idea how wonderful those words are, Brig. No idea. Thank you, my sweet friend. xoxox
Some very wise advice there, Lisa.
And you were quite the hottie wottie!
Thanks, Michael. “Hottie wottie” – you just made my day! 🙂
Hope you’re doing well – I haven’t seen you posting lately. Does that mean you’re busy or working on another project?
Yeah, I don’t blog so much these days. I think it’s a mixture of being slightly bored with it, and also not having the time to write silly posts AND stories at the same time.
I’ve actually just finished the book I was working on. I’m going to take a short break from it, and then crack on with the editing (which makes me feel suicidal).
Editing is very tedious, isn’t it? At least you’ve completed something worthwhile. It’s a great accomplishment.
Beautiful and wise just like you. I’m going to send this to a girl I used to know. Your girl was cuter than my girl.
You are exactly where you need to be dear Lisa.
Merry Christmas to you and YOUR loved ones.
xo maggie
Very kind, Maggie. Thanks for that. Don’t you wish we not only got these letters when we were young, but that we were smart enough to follow the advice? My girl would’ve been friends with your girl. No doubt about it. 🙂
Have a Beautiful, Warm and Wonderful Christmas, Maggie!
I hope this New Year is full of Good things for everyone!
Lisa
xoxox
Every one should get a letter like this one—every one. Xoxo
It was therapeutic to write. I even cried. I agree, we should all have a letter like this one. It might have made all the difference.
Have a wonderful Christmas!!!
Lisa
xoxo
Beautifully written and a great message for everyone!
Thanks, Sandy! It felt good to get it out.
Lisa
There you go again, making me tear up. 😉 Lisa, you are so wonderful. Hugs and kisses to you, my dear friend. Thank you for setting an example for your kids AND for me.
aww.. Thanks, Em. I teared up, too! I wasn’t sure what I was doing, I just wanted it to be therapeutic. I think it was a bit of a release for me. I think the world of you, Emily. The fact that our paths crossed at this juncture in my life makes me one lucky girl!
Hi,
Very wise words indeed, very deep and straight from the heart. Very well written.
Thanks, Mags!! It made me feel a bit sad but at the same time, was a good release.
If only we could all send letters to ourselves in the past. Not even half our lifetimes ago, sometimes as soon as just a few months.
Knowing is important and you seem to know what is important to you and that you should be proud of. Most people don’t get that far.
There’s not much else to say that your letter doesn’t already say. Stay strong and remember how loved you are by even those who don’t always say or express it.
P.S. I never thought you and Lily looked alike before but wow! You could have claimed that was her and I would have believed it.
Lily and I look alike, yes indeed. You can see it in this picture.
I always tell my clients to write these kinds of letters. I give them different angles to write one from. It actually is very therapeutic. I got teary while I wrote this. Sometimes it’s good to see your life from a different perspective.
I wish I knew then what I know now – how many times have you heard people say that?
I am not going to fumble through my words to try to express myself. I am just going to quietly say wow. I hope that you do truly look in the mirror and see the beautiful, loved woman that you are– deeply so.
Audra
ps– most people look like total dorks when they are 15… you must be stunning woman Lisa if you look this good at 15
and I am sorry I bothered you today.. geeze woman.This is heavy stuff
Sorry you bothered me? What the…? I’m happy when YOU “bother” me – truly happy. Too bad I don’t think I offered much help.
I was dorky! If this was a video of me you would laugh pretty hard. I was fine when I wasn’t speaking. haha!
mmmm You did help. Your words always help Lisa.
You were not dorky… I had glasses, braces and a perm haaa remember when everyone got perms?? haaa now that is a dork —
Trust me, I had a perm at some point and a Dorothy Hamil haircut. In this picture I’m wearing a Puka shell necklace. I think with that, I can rest my case. 🙂
(DH– yup me too haa– boy we were stylin.. )
hahah!
The first time I read this I had to run right after. Now I’m back. This was good. To be honest my first thoughts were “how come a 17 year old Jon didn’t meet a 17 year old Lisa?” Wow. I’m so happy you were able to do this. It takes real courage sometimes to face that part of yourself. You have gone above and beyond in being a good example for all of those around you.
Thanks, Jon – actually I think I was 15? The year was 1977. I was just your average groovy chick. LOL! Had I met you, who knows…? 🙂
They say that youth is wasted on the young. Sometimes that is true, but I feel that we always stay young in our thoughts and actions.
I look at myself a month away from 44 and I would not trade it for anytime in my life. Even though parts of my life have not been great at times, I see that I have treaded up the hill, have the storms at my back and at the summit now. Looking out at many good things ahead.
As someone once said “Where Else Would You Rather Be Than Right Here, Right Now.”
I agree. In my head I’m probably somewhere between 15 and 18. That’s why I/we still respond with a hair trigger to our family of origin. We rarely resolve all that stuff we carry around with us. We can all use a bit of work on our inner child. 🙂
I wouldn’t trade my life for some else’s – well, actually, maybe I would tweak it a bit! lol!
Thanks for another deep and thoughtful comment, Patrick. I love the way you think and feel.
Lisa
This is a wonderful, insightful post. I think part of growing is to recognize the things we know we are worthy of unfortunately is usually happens after we have gone through the brier patch. Now it’s time to pull the thorn from your shoes, lift your eyes to the sun and know you are a worthy, beautiful, lovely woman.
I wish I had of gotten a letter like this when I was younger….
I wish we all had received a letter like this. But who knows… we probably wouldn’t have paid much attention to it. I think we all still carry around some baggage from our childhood, some of us more, some of us less – it’s hard to get rid of. Mine is like Samsonite – the suitcases that even the Gorilla couldn’t get rid of! haha! Anyway, if I had been able to start my adult life without the baggage I would’ve made such different choices. That part makes me sad. It’s like we don’t know our potential until it’s a little late in the game.
Fortunately I stumbled across you, Lynne. Somehow you make me feel less alone, and inspire me to shoot for the stars. I want this to be our year. New bright horizons and lots of love to go around.
Thank you, my beautiful, soulful friend, for encouraging me to pull the thorn out.
All my love,
Lisa
xox
Outstanding. I love it!
Aww… Thanks, Millie. It felt sort of therapeutic. 🙂
That was beautiful – if we only we had those words when we were growing up – and listened to them as well.
Thanks, Denise.
I agree. I was thinking the same thing. Would I have paid any attention to those words if I had received this letter? Probably not! That’s the shame of the whole thing. We need to live life in order to learn these lessons. I think about my own kids – I’ve said these things to them but still, I get the impression that life will be a far better teacher than I’ve been. Too bad life is so painful.
Hope you have a Beautiful Christmas!!
Lisa
xoxo
You as well. Painful and beautiful. You are a beautiful person – don’t ever forget that.
Denise
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could actually offer our teen selves such good advice? And it would be even more wonderful if our teen selves would actually listen. It’s too bad this kind of advice can really only be understood in retrospect, but at least we gain understanding eventually – better late than never, right?
I think you’re exactly right, Diane, our teen selves wouldn’t have listened. I know mine wouldn’t have. LOL! Life seems to only be understood as we age and by that point, it feels pretty pointless. What’s the use of having all this wisdom if we can’t use it and we can’t impart it to our children? It just serves to frustrate us. haha!
I guess the fact that we get it later is better than never? Oh well.
Thanks for finding the humor in this with me. 🙂
Lisa
Wonderfully written! Excellent, thoughtful, brilliant advice. I pray 2013 will be a wonderfully rewarding year of growth, confidence, celebration and satisfaction. I bless you with hope, courage, strength and comfort! XxX Charlene
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device
Thanks, my love! Hope, courage, strength and comfort — that’s a page out of your book, Charlene. 🙂 You are a sweet friend, indeed. I hope you have a beautiful Christmas. I pray this coming year will be filled with peace, love and joy.
xoxo
Lisa
If only we could talk to our younger selves! Would change a lot, for the better, that is. Beautiful letter, I think you are very right on everything you say. Hope you’re doing well! x
It seems true in theory but I’ve come to the conclusion that our younger selves probably wouldn’t pay attention.
Have a Merry Christmas!!!
Hope the New Year brings great things. 🙂
Time is the cruelest teacher; first she gives the test, then teaches the lesson
That’s exactly right. I became sad while writing that letter because I thought about my youthful sense of optimism and put it up against what really ended up happening. Our lives don’t usually turn out the way we think or hope they will. Still, a very therapeutic exercise and the lessons learned are all mine. I own them.
What a fabulous letter! I felt like you were writing to me at some points…..just proving that some things are both timeless and universal. Awesome. Keep on going.
Thank you and it doesn’t surprise me that it could easily apply to you and others. It just goes to show you how much we all have in common. The encouragement means a lot to me. 🙂
Lisa
We could all benefit from this exercise. Sometimes seeing the past in words can give us a clear route to future solutions. Anyway, really nice post Lisa. Thanks for sharing!
It’s funny, because as a therapist I’ve often assigned this little exercise to my clients. You’re right, it’s a good head clearing activity. It was actually more therapeutic than I thought it would be.
Thanks, Eric!
You have really gotten it so right here… it moved me to misty. I have started letters like this to myself, but then can’t put them out there. I find it particularly moving in light of the lessons you are facing now. Hindsight is so 20/20, isn’t it?
I’m catching up on the posts that I’ve somehow missed. Can’t figure out why they’re not coming to my mail box. :-p