All Quiet on the Blogging Front…
Is it just me or has everyone slowed their blogging to a trickle? If it’s true I say, Good for all of us! We need to enjoy these summer months – here in Chicago it won’t be long before it starts snowing again. (Only Chicagoans know the sad truth of that statement.) I must start by apologizing to my readers and all of my blogging peeps. I’ve been keeping a very low profile for the past few months, and by “low profile” I mean, I’ve been low and hiding my profile . Yes, I’ve been living on the fringe of wordpress. There are certain writers who I’ve shelved, thinking I’ll get back to that post when I have more time to enjoy it, but, “more time” seems impossible lately. These brilliant writers know who they are. (Basically everyone’s blog that I frequent and even one incredible man who does guest blogging.) The more time that I allow to pass the more pathetic I feel — thus, the apology. Please forgive me.
My life has finally caught up with me and so I’ll take this time to explain my absence. I wish it was something earth shattering and exciting but I assure you, it is not. It’s not even “Gripping.”
I put my house back on the market. Those of you who might recall the last time I did this, it took a year and a half to go under contract. At approximately the same time (Thanksgiving Day) my husband decided to request a divorce. Luckily, I was able to get out of the contract and stay in my house during this very turbulent time.
Here I am, endlessly running from my problems.
Fast forward to May of 2013… I put the house back on the market imagining that it would take another year or so to sell. Mind you, I still have no idea where I would move, but I know I desperately need and want a fresh start. Well, can you believe I got an offer the first week it was listed? Not only an offer, but a really good offer. This caused my anxiety to reach an all time high. What was I thinking? I still don’t have a divorce and now I’ve got a really good offer and no place to move. So I’ve been racing around Illinois, as well as a few other states, looking for a good place to call home. (Future post alert – Rest Stops off the interstate – Love ‘em or hate ‘em?) I’ve been told that this is an unusual problem and that it’s fun and exciting… well, all I can say is, nothing could be further from the truth. The phrase, “A chicken with it’s head cut off” comes to mind.
I’ve not signed the contract even though this family desperately wants my house and has increased the offer. I go back and forth thinking that I should just stay put in my house for another couple of years and finalize my divorce, then I could tackle a new location. I don’t know if that’s a smart thing to do? It’s just too stressful to deal with both issues, right? (This is where my readers could weigh in.)
I’ve also been on a major health kick and I’ve lost 20 pounds, maybe more?! Yay!! I don’t go on the scale, I just know that every size I go down is ten pounds. I feel good but get depressed about my aging body. What happened to all the elasticity and perkiness? I’d like for all my hard work to pay off, but unfortunately, when I look in the mirror I see… oh, never mind what I see! It’s not good. I’ll leave it at that. (Future post alert – Why is EVERYTHING so temporary, damn it!?)
There have been a few other things that have changed for me but I won’t go into detail. I’ll just say I’m happier, busier and I’m smiling a lot. ;)
The sky is blue, the weather is warm, and so maybe we should all consider taking a step away from the computer to enjoy this time of year. Let’s take some collective deep breaths and give each other some space to go about our lives. Some have taken the summer off, some are on an extended leave of absence, others have just slowed their reading and writing, or both, and some have left for good. (I’ll miss Brian Westbye). Then there are those who keep going, as they should. I admire and respect their prolific talent.
I’ll check back soon!!
My happy summer love to all of you! xoxo
Lisa
Ditch the house while you can and perhaps find a nice, seasonal rental somewhere quiet and lovely while you continue your search. ;-)
Hey lady. Good advice and I can see that it comes from the heart. :) Of course I couldn’t write everything but my mother moved from our house when she got a divorce and it was the worst financial decision of her life. This haunts me. She’s a cautionary tale. I’m afraid if I move without anything about my future in writing I just might get left with nothing… What you suggest speaks to my soul. If only fear didn’t get in the way. :(
I always love your comments.
I kept the house after my first marriage. That was a giant mistake for me financially, but it’s worked out nicely for my ex. He lived there with his second wife, and now his third, and the adult six kids still have their home. ;-) There was no home after I fled my second marriage, and my little guy have been more nomadic than I would like, but I think we have a place now where we can happily be for a while. I hope so anyway. My recurring dreams of having no home have stopped now. I am a nester by nature, so in many ways this has been good for me. My attachments now are to people, and not so much to things. Back with divorce #1, I thought of that house as a part of me. Nope, it’s not…I am tired. I hope I make some sense. ;-)
I’m a nester by nature, too. I can relate to the recurring dream of having no home. sometimes I wake up in a panic believing I’m without my home and am relieved when I realize it was just a dream. I don’t thing I’m attached to “things” per se, but this house is one that I feel like I transformed from the boards up. I think I’m attached to the dream of what I imagined it would be for my family, a refuge and sanctuary. I know that where ever I go, wherever I land, I’ll do the same thing– make a comfortable loving home for those I care about. :)
I’m sorry for all of your travails but obviously you made it work for you and came out the other side, stronger and more invested in living and loving. :)
Once I get my divorce I’ll know what I’m dealing with and move forward from there.
thanks for the great comment- you always make sense, no worries! ;)
Wow, you are lucky. What if you don’t take this offer and then when you want to sell it you can’t? Of course, there is always this one: sell it and then you can’t find anywhere you like as well. What does your accountant say about selling it before the divorce goes through? This is why it’s hard for me to make decisions . . . .
About the blogging. I have been continuing to post at least twice a week, but I noticed a month or two ago I thought things got a lot slower. A lot of blogs I read suddenly stopped posting or only posted very rarely.
Yes, these are some of the questions and fears I have. I don’t know what the economy will look like two or three years from now – I feel like things can’t get worse but who knows? What if things got markedly better – would I regret selling my home then? Until I have something in writing how do I know I won’t end up in a depressing less desirable situation? Isn’t it wise to have that issue wrapped up first so I can plan my future accordingly? Also, my mom’s ruination came from moving after she was divorced. Her decision haunts me. She never recovered financially or emotionally.
Of course there’s the issue of my heart and soul that wants to get the heck out of Dodge and start a new life. :)
It is quiet on the blogging front, is it not? It’s like we all took a little break at the same time :) Those who continue to blog on schedule, like yourself, inspire me.
Have a great day, Luanne!
Lisa
I think when one has a parent with a strong story ahead of us (regarding an issue) it makes things very difficult. Like my FIL died on a plane, so my husband hates to fly . . . Yeah, it’s a little quiet, but there are still a lot of people posting–it’s just that they are new people or new to me.
You too, Lisa. Good look with our decision!
Lisa, that’s a pretty good post for someone who is not posting. The planner in me hesitates to give recommendations without knowing more but OneHotMess might be right. You can’t go too far wrong by renting for a while. Enjoy the rest of the summer.
Hey Malcolm. There was a lot I couldn’t put in the post but suffice it to say that until I have an understanding of my financial future I’ll continue to be anxious about selling. I’m not sure what the economic future holds… will things get better, stay the same or get worse? (Maybe you have an idea?) When my mother divorced my father she moved from our home (New York to Texas) and she never recovered financially or emotionally. She serves as a cautionary tale. The idea of ending up in that situation makes me anxious. I also think when you’ve been married for 27 years and experience a betrayal on the level that I have, you lose confidence in your own decision making process. Everything seems magnified and scary — it puts me into a a sort of emotional paralysis.
The idea of picking up and moving to a rental, say, by the beach, sounds romantic and wonderful – it speaks to my heart, but is it the right thing to do?
Your words make me so happy. I’m glad you’re taking this time for yourself, Lisa. And like you said, even though your housing worries may be “good” problems to have, that does not make them any less stressful, especially with all the other things going on in your gripping life (which, BTW, is still gripping even if you don’t think it is.) I’m slowing it down for the summer too, and recalibrating my life which now includes a little girl who is trying desperately to talk to me ;) Again, a great “problem” to have, but one that requires a complete diversion of my attention. Love you, lady.
I like the idea of recalibrating our lives over the summer. Emily, you have a built in distraction in the form of a wee angel girl — what I wouldn’t give to wind the clock back to those precious days… The idea that she is forming words and sentences is so wonderful!! How sweet! Maybe in the future you can put a recording of her voice on the blog? That sounds way technical but I’m sure you could figure it out. Isn’t it amazing how fast time flies when they’re this age? All I know is that she’s going to love all the beautiful posts you’ve created for and about her. She’ll treasure them always. :)
My life is really crazy and strangely tense. I don’t respond well to ticking clocks and lately that’s all I seem to have around me. When somebody tells me I have 24 hours to make up my mind I tend to put on the brakes and go into total paralysis. Nothing like making decisions under duress, right? I just want to run and hide. :/ (That woman running is a gif – is she moving on your post? Otherwise my caption makes no sense. I tried to fix it this morning.)
Anyway… Happy Wee Cee times. Take a little breather and know that I’m thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way.
Love you lots!! xoxox
PS – the little guest cottage is open should you need to visit Chi-town this sumer… just sayin’.
I’m glad there’s some goodness going on in your life. I’m impulsive, impatient, and spiteful so this isn’t something you should really take my opinion into account for. All I can simply do is quote Metallica and say “Where I lay my head is home.” It doesn’t really matter where you live, although that does realistically factoring into a lot of the things. A fresh start begins within.
“A fresh start begins within.” – Is this a Confucius quote or a Mooselicker quote? :D I love it!! It’s true and speaks to my heart at this point in time so perfectly. How’d you get so wise? By the way, I can be very impulsive and impatient, too. It’s very difficult for me to just sit still and let the world take a few spins without me. Very difficult.
Confucius and I are one in the same. We practically have the same facial hair. His is just longer, but he got a head start on it.
Dearest Gripping
The Dandy never dares to offer advice, but sometimes when serendipity intrudes it would seem rude to ignore her not so gentle nudge.
Perhaps the time is ripe for a change… and a summer move is better than carrying ones possessions through December snows!
If it’s any crumb of comfort The Dandy too will move before the autumn, though he suspects within a radius of less than a mile if he can possibly help it.
As for the weight loss…. bravo you, and I’m sure your feeling better and that will be shining out of you to others…
Onwards and upwards says I!
Yours ever
The Perfumed Dandy
Thank you, kind sir. I do feel better about myself. I think I recognized this as one area that I could control in my life. Since everything else has rendered me powerless I found some satisfaction in making these healthy changes.
I agree whole heartedly, Dandy, with your serendipity assessment. (By the way, it’s so good to have you back!) My problem is more psychological than I’ve let on. My mother moved after she and my father were divorced and her life was never the same financially or emotionally. She followed her heart and ended up in a bad situation that she would later regret. This has haunted me just enough, apparently, to cause hesitation and significant anxiety. Also, I feel that the kind of betrayal that I have just suffered makes me question all of my heart decisions. There’s a sort of paralysis that I’m experiencing with regard to making major life decisions.
I would love nothing more than to pick up and move myself to some romantic destination, but I fear it would be unwise until I know my future financial situation. I do hate all of this. I’d much rather be at the perfume counter contemplating my next purchase. ;)
Isn’t it interesting how many of my readers gave the same advice? That tells me that we share a similar trait – the “follow your heart trait.” Charismatic, independent thinking, creative, soulful people… That would easily describe this group. :)
Thanks for your very thoughtful comment, Dandy.
Gripping
I’m one who, by the time the summer solstice rolls around, finds herself automatically slowing down, wanting quiet/easy time on the front porch and a chance to enjoy summer things (even though the world around me remains demanding). So count me on board with that philosophy — it was nice to read it here and feel validated! Speaking of which, I was reading it on my dinosaur Blackberry after parking the car in the garage, having come from a slew of meetings. I follow your blog but don’t always get the chance to read it. This time, I stayed in park until I got to the end.
I’m so happy you commented!! Thank you for reading – I felt as though I needed to explain my sketchy blogging schedule. Summer just doesn’t seem like the right time to be tied to the computer.
It looks like everyone has an opinion about what my next move should be, or not be, as it were. :) I knew when I opened that up for discussion that my readers wouldn’t hesitate to weigh in. I’m still confused and in some sort of paralysis- it might have actually made things worse! LOL!
Back to slowing down and taking some deep breaths… I need to find my balance. First things first.
Of course you know, I will forever picture you parked in the garage with your “Dinosaur Blackberry” in hand. :D
Again, so glad you made your presence known.
Enjoy your summer and front porch!!
Lisa
Blimey.
It’s good to hear that things have improved for you, although I don’t if running around Illinois counts as a good thing. Illinois is one of those states that I occasionally hear being mentioned, yet I know nothing about. If it’s not Disney Land, casinos or windy cities then it could well be on the moon for all I know.
I think you should cross the pond and investigate some of these places, Michael. Illinois has lots of exciting places to investigate, like…. *crickets chirping* well, maybe not Illinois!! stick to the big cities and Disney World which is always crawling with Brits.
Hey, maybe I should move to the UK!?
I’m with the move now, even if it is a temporary move, since you’ve a firm offer on the table for the house. I’m sure you’ve checked with the professionals before you put the house back up for sale. God shut one door and gave you that rest time before He opened a window–spread your wings. Yes, you may groan at that sentence.
I am tickled you are happy, losing weight (Zumba?), and visiting rest stops along the highways of America. Take photos, and create a Tumblr account!
Hugs always,
Addie
…don’t be so sure that I’ve checked with professionals. That’s part of the problem. Everything seems loosey Goosey and nothing is in cement. It’s all just talk right now.
My fears of making a mistake are sky high and keeping me stuck.
Zumba has become the only time when my brain turns off. No wonder I’m working my fanny off.
And I do have a tumbler account!
Yay I’m glad the blogging world wants change for you and thinks you should leave lol! I was hoping that someone would agree with me. I know you’re attached to the house though. But just keep thinking of it as a wintry prison and you’ll probs want to move lol. But then you have to find a place ughhh
This was a beautifully written piece, by the way! I liked the pictures :)
Good stuff Grippy. The summer is often slow in the blogosphere and sometimes the blogosphere gets to be too much. However, my email still works! Moving and divorce are in the top 10 stressors but I think you know you want out of that house. I’m with Addie and OneHotMess and everyone else. Now is the time. Go! Go somewhere and rent and enjoy the summer, life will be waiting when you’re done.
And how did you lose 20 lbs…dammit!? Good on you, doll!
xoxox
I need to have things firmed up about my future finances, don’t I? If I don’t know what I’ll have, should I really move out of this house? Maybe if someone would start looking for me in the Greater Portland area I might be tempted to bust a move… ahem. I’m still stuck and these buyers are not gonna hold out forever. :)
I think you know how I lost that 20, right? ;) tee hee…
I will send you listings and I think Derwood would like me to go on your diet! hubba.
Haha!!!!
Sent from my iPhone
No advice from me. I remain in my house, two husbands later, three years since I separated from the second and one week away from the divorce being finalized. It is my rock. But I am older than you and have no interest in another relationship. My home has been my rock and my refuge.
I wanted only to wish you the best. While you spend time away from your blog, good thoughts are sent your way from Canada.
Finally, the voice of reason! It feels good to hear an opposing opinion. My house is my refuge, as well, and has been my rock. Leaving seems like another major loss… Though I don’t want to live here near my family any longer (That’s a story for another day).
I thank you for weighing in and providing another opinion. It’s a good one. :)
Make sure you come back again, Susan.
Lisa
Fortunately, I have a 9 hour work day which (usually) gives me plenty of time to blog.
I have no idea what to say to your situation of trying to sell while going through a divorce. But I’d imagine getting one of those out of the way (the house) would be a massive stress relief – especially since it took so long the first time around.
As for the rest, I’m glad you’re out and about (though not so much in rest stops – which I love. They’re where I can indulge my culinary shames without too much regret, and only forty miles from the next bathroom. (I’m lookin at you KFC.))
And I’m happy to see you when/where ever you turn up! If it’s that much rarer, that just makes it so much sweeter when you do! (Though more frequent sweeter is nice too. :D )
haha! I’m glad you find rest stops to be a place of culinary delights, I mean, shame. As do I! Those calories and that questionable nutrition doesn’t count when you’re traveling, right? That’s what I was always told. :D
Selling the house has obvious psychological implications judging from the anxiety it produces in me. My mother sold our family house when she and my dad divorced — she moved from New York to Texas. She never recovered financially or emotionally and I think this still haunts me. I want to be wise in my decision and not just go on what my heart tells me. The last time I did that I was married for 27 years to the wrong person. :/ So yeah, making life decisions for now, is a little scary.
If I visit NY this summer you can be sure that we’ll meet somewhere – that’s a promise. :)
Happy is much better than sad and depressed. I’m glad to be on the other side.
Grippy
I too have been keeping my WP on the DL lately. I want to post. Really I do. I want to comment. Really I do. I have a ton of pics to share, but now, halfway through this 2013 – The Year of Something Better™ – I have many irons in the fire. Maybe too many. Sizzle Girl, Sizzle!
That’s it exactly. Too many irons in the fire… My endless unanswered email being the biggest iron in the bonfire of shame. Sometimes I just want to delete the entire thing. Wouldn’t that be bold? LOL! I don’t think I could do it but lord knows I want to. Yeah, keeping it on the DL is a good thing, sister. I’m sizzling right beside you. ;)
I went through my divorce at the same time as selling my home and moving across the country. I was sad to leave my home behind, but I think it would have been harder if I’d stayed. And there was lots of good stuff waiting for me at the other end. :) Good luck to you!
Thanks, Sweetsound. It’s always good to hear someone else’s story and know they survived. I’m not a person who handles stress very well and I think tackling both things is too much for me. You’re young, though, so you’re probably made of tougher stuff. :)
Thanks for the great comment!
Lisa
Don’t leave me alone this summer…!
If that’s you running, at least you’re doing it with style. It sounds all too stressy, unfortunately, and I’m far away from buying let alone selling a house, but if you wanted to sell it, I’d say, do it. I understand you’re sort panicking (of course – it’s like a big decision and those are scary), but you’ve tried to sell it twice, so I think you actually really want it…?
Believe me, Astrid, the whole thing is a nightmare. I do keep running and have become fond of sticking my head in the sand. :) I just want everything to slow down but most of all I want to be happy. I’ll keep blogging and checking in — I’ve probably not read the last 3 or 4 that you’ve posted, right? It makes me feel terrible and then my response is to avoid even more! I know, it’s crazy.
Hope you’re having a great summer!!
Lisa
I was so glad you posted. I almost emailed you to check in. SELL….sell, sell. Get a climate controlled storage unit for all your mementos and special furniture and then move into an apartment temporarily (or an RV like me…..lol) and then figure it out. Give yourself time to explore all your options…..options are wonderful. Baby steps because it can be overwhelming; speaking from experience. I broke down in tears at one of my garage sales. That’s a story in itself.
It’s time to start a new chapter – nope a new book. Time to remember all the great chapters in that last book (kids, etc.) but time to start fresh. So what if we don’t look like we did when we were 25 – we’re sure a hell of a lot smarter. It’s time to leap and LIVE. Do what YOU want to do without a thought to anyone else…..oh, except for that cute little dog. He needs a nice place to poop ya know. Other than that, skies the limit. Keep us posted :-)
Yes, I’ve been MIA and it feels strange — mostly because I miss my blogging friends. How odd that we have people all over the globe that we’ve been intimate with to the point that we think about them when we haven’t seen them in awhile. It makes me feel like I have an army of friends.
After having read all of these comments and trying to digest them I have come to the conclusion that it would be best for me to stay in my house for another two years until my divorce is final. That way I can plan my future appropriately and be surrounded by familiar things and people and begin my search for my next place. Two years oughta do it. Hopefully it won’t be a mistake that I’ll reget.. I don’t think I will. It seems conservative and practical and emotionally balanced.
Thanks for the great comment, Ingrid. Baby steps it is!!! That’s very wise, indeed.
Lisa :)
I’m so glad to hear you’ve made a decision. Two years should give you the time to research, explore, and plan your future. It did for us. I look forward to following the journey.
Oh, and you are so right about this blogging community and the friendships forged. It’s fun, isn’t it?
It’s wonderful. You’ve become a great friend that I look forward to corresponding with. :)
Ah…thanks :-)
Do what is good for you!
The way I look at (from being divorced myself) is that you need to take care of you and get a new start. Divorces can last forever. It took me 18 months and we did not have anything. A friend of mine it took 30 months and she is a little nuts at this point.
If you are happier that is a good thing, keep it that way.
Love your comment, Patrick. Putting myself first is an uncomfortable thing and yet the lesson I’ve learned here, at least one of many, is that I need to take care of myself, it’s okay to make this Lisa time. :) Thanks for the guidance and validating me. I love hearing from everyone who has gone down this road. I think I’m going to use the next two years to finalize my divorce, hunt for a new location that I love and find some balance. I’m going to stay in this house as I set about trying to accomplish these things. When I leave, I’ll be good and ready.
Yes, happy is a good thing. It beats miserable any day of the week. I hope you’re happy, too, Patrick. :)
Lisa
As someone once told me: “Don’t mess with happy.”
I am pretty happy even though it makes her mad on a daily basis. It took me awhile but life is so much better. It has been 12 years this month since the process started. I see where I am at and where she is at and I wouldn’t trade it.
You have no idea how much I appreciate your saying this. Thank you. I hope I can claim the same thing 12 years from now.
Ahhh Gripster sister. You’re wonderful and I’m giving you a high fiver on being healthier, slimmer and above all, happier. No advice from me… Go with your gut lady. I’ll be cheering for you either way. ( although I’m with Lily)
haha! Lily can’t keep her opinions to herself. I think I’m going to stay in the house for two more years, get my divorce and use the time to find my spot. I think that’s financially the best plan. :)
And… I want all my gals to come and visit me!! Maybe I can have a birthday party and invite everyone? Wouldn’t that be fun slash weird. LOL!!
You are my dear friend, I just love all of your thoughtful ways. Such a sistah!
I know what you’re saying, Lisa. Sometimes it’s best to just leave a place and start anew. Sounds as if you’ve got a lot of new and wonderful things in your life and I remember saying that to you a few months ago. I’m going through a lot right now too — those big stressors — well, YOU KNOW, you just gotta slow down. Do what’s right for you. I’ll catch you and “talk” to you soon. Take care of you and I’m so happy that life is offering up all these big wonderful things. You so deserve it, Lisa. So much. This was such a beautifully written post btw.
BTW, how you lose that 20 pounds? Some “new” things in your life will do that, huh? ;)
I know that you are going through some “stuff” right now. The big stressors at the top of the list. I feel like once things are in place for you that you’ll feel balanced and happy and home. :)
I will make it a point to come and see you. It’s been two days since I posted this, read the comments and sorted through my head and heart… I think I’m going to stay in my house for another two years, chip away at the principal, get my divorce and find my new location – it might be in your neck of the woods!? Wouldn’t that be great?
Haha! The new things in my life were definitely part of my weight loss plan. :D
Tee hee… I’ll talk to you soon. In the mean time I’ll be thinking about you and hoping all is going well. Love you! xoxo
Been away a bit myself, so not noticing the missing, so to speak. Glad and sad at the same time I am you for(some Yoda slipping in). Nice to see you pop up in my email, saved it so I could pop in (guilty admission, been deleting a lot of post emails lately, no flippin’ time). And I’d sell and rent as the opportunity may not come again so easily next time.
Thanks, John. I know about deleting emails. There’s no time lately and it’s always an avalanche. It makes me feel guilty. I guess that’s just the way it goes for now. Look how long it’s taking me to answer back the comments on this post. A year ago I would have been responding when they came in! LOL! That was back when I had a schedule. :D haha!
I’ve decided to stay, contrary to everyone’s opinion. I feel like I need to get this divorce over and done with, assess my situation, use the next two years to look for a place that I really want to live, and hopefully walk away with more equity. I think two years ought to do the trick. If it turns out badly I’ll have the lot of you saying, “We told you so.” Time will tell. :)
Wow, Lisa, you have a lot going on. Apology is not necessary. I, too, have been backing off because of summer schedules, and I don’t have nearly what you have going on. You have a big decision to make. I’d say you go with your gut! You got to. If you say you need a fresh start, then do it sister. That’s my instinct…perhaps you got an offer so quickly for a reason. Best of luck! You have a whole new adventure that awaits you!
Thanks Amy! Your support means a lot to me. In the time that it’s taken me to answer all of these I have decided to stay for two more years. I feel like my anxiety was telling me something. I think it will be best to stay in familiar surroundings while I get my divorce. Then I’ll take this time to look around the country and really find my place – the one that speaks to my soul instead of choosing a place under duress. Hopefully I’ll walk away with a little more equity and be really ready to leave this all behind. :) In the meantime, I hope my blogging buds will give me their lists of cool places to consider moving.
I think slowing down for the summer is a wise thing – a time to recalibrate and find some needed balance. :)
Have a beautiful day, Amy!
It’s unnerving for you I guess because you ‘sold’ (if you want) so quickly and don’t have in mind where to move. If these people want your house definitely then they would likely agree to give you a reasonable amount of time before possession of the house. So if they do…I think a new place… a new start would be a good thing…. just my opinion
I’ve been sadly lacking in the blogging world because of personal issues but culminating 3 weeks ago in the hospital on life support… now home as it seems God wasn’t ready for me yet. But I’m easing my way back in as energy and concentration allows… Diane
Good luck with everything – it’ll turn out alright – trust your judgement.
Thanks, Ginger. That’s a very kind and positive comment. :)
Such a tough decision! If you move, what are you leaving behind (besides bad memories)? What are you hoping to find in your new home (if you move)? I’m not talking about fresh scenery or new furniture. It’s easy to get excited about those things, but sometimes the desire for something new conceals a desire to make fundamental changes at a personal level, and those personal changes can take place anywhere.
If you’re leaving behind a support system of work and friends, how will that change your life if you move to a new location? If you’re leaving behind damaged or destructive relationships, are you excited about creating fresh, healthy new relationships in a new place? How will you do that?
From a financial standpoint, if you move, are you generally looking at areas that have similar or cheaper house prices? If so, selling at a good price and renting until you decide where you want to live is probably a good (financial) decision. If not, how will it change your life if you have to take on debt in order to own the home you want? Or is owning a home even the best choice at this point in your life?
My sympathies are with you – I’ve been through the betrayal/divorce cycle as well. It’s probably a positive thing for you to be free of that relationship, but no matter how bad it was, you need time to mourn the loss of your old worldview and adjust to your new one. Making major decisions during that time can be tricky, but I’m sure you’ll do what’s right for you – and don’t forget you’re allowed to change your mind! We long-married folks tend to have a “stick-to-it” mentality that’s hard to shake, but you don’t have to commit to a course of action now and stick with it for the rest of your life. You’re free, and your decisions are your own now.
Wishing you the best of luck and happiness no matter what you decide! (And enjoy your summer.) :-)
Okay, Diane, how much do I owe you? LOL! This was very therapeutic if I do say so my self. You raise lots of good questions while giving me room to feel my own feelings. Thanks for this. You’re a wise woman, indeed. :)
I think my anxiety, perhaps, is there for a reason and I should pay attention to it. Divorce and moving are too much stress for any one person – or at least for me. I think I’ll use the next two years to heal my heart, body and soul, get the divorce, and look carefully for my next move. Right now everything has been a ticking clock — I was going to have to move and make choices under duress. That can’t be good. Also, this way I’ll have built up more equity in the house so when I leave I’ll have a better nest egg.
All I can say is if it doesn’t turn out well, I’ll have the whole dang blogging community saying, “WE TOLD YOU SO!!” haha!
I so appreciate your sharing your painful experience with me. It helps me to feel less alone. Your advice is priceless — I know you arrived at it, at a cost. But look, what a blessing for me that you can speak from this experience and steer me into calmer waters. For that, I thank you, Diane. When something rings true, as does your comment, I want to acknowledge that gift. :)
Have a beautiful day, my friend!!
Lisa
Lisa,
WOW.
That’s some big choices you’re about to make and sometimes, when it gets too overwhelming, remember that it’s the tiniest decisions we make that gets us through these stuff times. Listen to your heart, my friend. Time is short and in this very temporary world we live in, would it really be wise if we do not choose to be happy? Whatever you decide on though, I hope you can still find a reason, no matter how small, to smile each day.
Hoping peace and love and laughter for you,
Jenny ;)
Great comment, Jenny. Again, very therapeutic. I do need breathing room to make the right decision. I’ve had these ticking clocks and all they’ve managed to do is cause me to freeze up and panic. This level of anxiety must be an indication that something is wrong. I’ve been swimming out into deep water and I can feel my heart racing. Time to turn around and go back to shore. I’m a naturally happy person but this whole thing has thrown me so off my game. I need to find my balance and take care of myself – maybe for the first time in my life. It’s a huge uncomfortable lesson – Happiness is not a Disease. YES, a thousand times to that. :)
Thanks Jenny!!
Love, peace and laughter back to you my friend. ;)
Lisa
My darling, for what it’s worth… While you are still married the division of assets will be quite different. If you have a lot of equity in the house I would suggest hanging tight and making it, in its entirety – part of your settlement. PLEASE consult with the most cut throat attorney you can find, finalize the dissolution of your marriage, sell the house afterwards. The market is recovering. While money isn’t happiness, security is — and that’s enough from your devoted friend. I love you. V
Very sound advice from my wise friend. Yes. You’re right. I’ll be emailing you for further discussion. Thank you for this comment – it gives balance to the entire post.
You are a love.
L. xoxo
you can move to India…come to Haridwar…and seek the spiritual path where the Beatles did :)
This comment put a smile on my face, Raunak. You have no idea how much I would LOVE to do exactly this. One of these days I will do it. I know I will. :)
Have a beautiful day, my friend!
Hi Lisa!! It’s so good to see you! Congratulations on losing 20 pounds! How did you do it? (Future post alert!) I’ve been wondering and wondering what was going on with you. I’m so glad that good things are starting to happen. You were at the lowest point ever and I really think that what goes down must come up!
I hate to sound like a stick in the mud, but I think you should wait to sell. It’s too soon. You’ve got all the time in the world. There’s no hurry!! A dream location on the beach is beautiful on the surface — before you sink into the community. Then you find out it’s just like where you came from — only with the ocean in the background! (Wherever you go, there you are!)
I think Mooselicker had the best advice. A fresh start begins within. And it’s already begun!! Give it a little more time, is how I vote. Stay put and give your dreams a chance to solidify. And who knows, you may find that there’s no place like home! Just like Dorothy did . . . Love you Lisa!! xoxo
Linda, I’m following that advice. How funny that I should arrive at exactly the same conclusion, using the same ideas and feelings. (It’s because we read the same books and think the same way!) I think my anxiety was a red flag telling me to stop. My new plan is to stay in my surroundings until I finalize a divorce and find a place that really speaks to my heart and soul. I’ve been under so much duress lately with everyone telling me I have 48 hours for this, 24 hours for that, etc. No wonder I felt like a chicken with her head cut off. I just want silence. I want to unplug from those things that have been a drain to me and plug back into those things that bring me joy, namely, your blog! I miss it when I’m away. The laughter you bring to my life does my heart good. :)
The ocean is not going anywhere, at least not that I know of? Although maybe Al Gore would say something very different. LOL!!
I love you, too!! xoxox
Hello Lisa! Pathetic? You? I don’t think so! You’re a very strong, savvy woman who is dealing with these vicissitudes in an astonishing way. I’m glad you’ve come to the decision you have, it’s sensible and perspicacious of you. And, for what it’s worth I wholly agree with Ms Vickie (Big Surprise!), give it time and get an attorney with a finely-honed legal blade! As to things being temporary, that includes pain and misfortune as well, those too shall pass.
Delighted to hear that there are things you “can’t go into” that are bringing you happiness… ;)
As to your feelings about the bod, without wishing to come across as smarmy, I would say that your body has merely *changed* not gotten worse, learn to see with the eyes of those who appreciate you no matter what changes, my lovely friend.
Enjoy the soporific heat in Old Chicago, wishing you much luck,
Hugs, George K
PS I shot you an email yesterday as a “how d’you do”! :)
I don’t think I got the email? I’ll check after this. Did you see I made mention of my brilliant guest blogging friend? That’s you, Mr. K. :) I WILL read parts one and two of your story as soon as I have the proper time and attention to give it.
I agree with Vickie, as well. She’s very wise, isn’t she? I need to just stay put until my life becomes more manageable. As soon as I have my divorce I will be free to decide my future. I think I’ll use the next two years to look for possible places to live. I should be able to walk away with a better nest egg at that point. money isn’t happiness but security is. I love her for saying that because at my age it’s so true.
You are so kind, George. How many great compliment can you fit into one response!? Thank you for believing in me and giving me so much love and encouragement. :)
Love and hugs to you my thoughtful friend,
Lisa xoxo
Good luck Lisa! I’m glad you’re on the upswing and here to share your experience with us all.
Aww, Sandee I miss you! I hope you’re back in full swing in the fall. Thanks for the friendship.
I always find myself slowing down – been doing it for decades – but I have also slowed the pace of my blog postings. My creativity extends only so far; even my plagiarism needs a break.
Your “endlessly running” video reminds me of those Escher drawings of endlessly ascending (or descending) staircases.
Slowing down seems to be the only way to manage the summer months, not that I intend to pick up so much in the fall! Shh – that’s just between the two of us. :)
My plagiarism needs a break, as well.
Yeah, I could see an Escher quality to that endless video. And like the dim bulb I am, I find myself staring at it as though it will change course.
You got an offer that quickly?! The market is crazy right now in Austin. If you looked here (you should!) it would be hard to find a house. But people are and everyone I know is moving a few blocks over. Miss you!
Thanks Jells. I’ve been so neglectful with the people I love here on wordpress – you being one of them. :)
How are those two sweet girls? They’re just precious, I know. I miss you guys! I’ll get back in the swing of things soon and life will get back to normal, that is if you can call sitting at the computer all day, normal? lol!
Have a great Fourth of July!! I bet it’s awesome in Austin.
Can I blame the summer on my blogging laziness? It’s been mostly spent working and drinking haha, I have missed you Lisa, loads! Glad everything is going okay for you :)
Just came across your blog and I like it because it talks about real life, and I really do enjoy that. I have been blogging since the beginning of August, so relatively knew. But boy, I didn’t realise how theraputic this could be. I no longer go do the doctors, I just drag out the laptop and write down my thoughts. This is great fun. If I can find the right button I shall follow you. If ever you need a guest blogger you may wish to consider a humorous one from across the water . Take care and good luck
If you have appreciation on your house and a buyer, sell it, be happy and start a new chapter in your life.
Doesn’t working our and losing weight feel good? So many people in mid-life can’t even make the start. Give your self a high five and be grateful.
If you’re in the 50 plus crowd, consider getting a trainer for a bit. They’ll adjust your workout for toning the 50 plus body. And, they’ll probably suggest some nutritional changes. Both helped me immensely. Adding muscle gets rid of what you don’t like now when looking in the mirror.