Food Names I Refuse to Recognize
WEEKEND POTPOURRI
I was just at a sandwich shop called, Panera Bread, when I witnessed something sort of uncomfortable. A rather large and masculine looking man decided to order some corn bread from the bakery section. They were corn ‘muffin tops,’ so basically a thinner muffin. When he got to the register the cashier asked, “So, how many muffies?” To which this man, whose face was now red, said, “Excuse me?” The girl cheerfully explained, that what he was about to take home, were indeed called, “Muffies.” He was quite embarrassed. All I can say is I wouldn’t be caught dead ordering, “Muffies.”
Now I ask you, why should anyone have to suffer the embarrassment of having to order something with an undignified name? Maybe restaurants feel that they’ll make more money if they create ‘cute’ names for their food items? But why? I for one, would never order “Chocolate Chippies.” Those are pancakes with chocolate chips. Can’t we just call them by their proper name?
Chocolate Chippies... or chocolate chip pancakes. You choose.
Let’s face it, Taco Bell has some doozies, as does McDonald’s and Burger King. (Does Burger King still sell the “Whaler?”) If you go down to Mexico, do you really think you’re gonna find a “mexi-melt” anywhere or a “double decker taco supreme?” Now I see they’ve just added a “Volcano menu” which offers a taco with “lava sauce.” The good people of Mexico would cringe, they might even get angry if they saw how their native food is being abused and labeled. Well, maybe not the Mexicans that work at Taco Bell, they’ve accepted it, but those who live south of the Border probably think it’s an atrocity. The same thing goes for Pizza Hut. Do you think anyone in Italy is selling, “The ultimate cheese lovers pizza with stuffed crust?” I seriously doubt it. It’s just not authentic sounding, right?
Crunchwrap Supreme. No food should end in the word "supreme"
Even Starbucks has names that I refuse to use. There are 3, maybe 4 sizes in terms of food portions; small, medium, large, and extra large. I refuse to recognize “grande,” “tall” or “short” or my least favorite, “venti.” Who are they kidding with that? Do YOU feel smarter, richer and superior if you order a “venti?”
Would you be caught dead ordering a “Dilly Bar” from Dairy queen? Or “Moons over my Hammy” from Denny’s? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I won’t eat it, I’m just not gonna say it.
I always order chocolate chippies, or the even more embarrassing, Dutch baby. Hah it’s almost more embarrassing to try to describe your food instead of calling it by its stupid name, ya know? Then it’s obvious that you’re avoiding the name when you say ” umm I’ll take the crunchy taco that’s in a pentagonal shape”.
haha! That’s sort of true. I don’t mind ordering menu items if they’re numbered, like, I’ll take the # 5, no cheese. Then it’s sort of cryptic. No one has to be the wiser.
I forgot about the Dutch Baby!
hahah, great post. definitely agree with all of this. i would lose a portion of my soul if i was ever to willingly refer to muffin tops as ‘muffies’. that’s horrifying. i don’t even like typing it.
i don’t remember the ‘whaler’ from burger king? seems like a whale of tale…
‘dilly bar’ is actually the nickname we gave to my friend, dylan. he loves it. i’d have to say my least favorite food names are griddlecakes and hotcakes in reference to pancakes. barf.
Haha! Yeah, griddlecakes sound like you come from Appalachia. They’re a little too home spun!! Haha
Burger King definitely had “the whaler” when I was growing up. It still makes me laugh to this day.
I thought that guy was going to have a heart attack from saying the word “muffies”. He became really self conscious and I could only look at him with sympathy. I imagine the person that came up with that name also plays with Barbies and Hello Kitty?
I have to agree with this actually. When I think of Mexico I imagine a desert, cactuses, drug gangs and beheadings. Selling me the idea that a Texi Mexi Pudding and Pie is genuine Mexican is a bit daft.
Exactly!! It makes me feel like I live inside of a cartoon. These are not real foods, right? Maybe that’s what they want you to believe so you order more? Thanks for bringing up cactuses, drug gangs and beheadings, it makes it that much more ridiculous to think of one of these guys ordering something from the “volcano menu!”
OMG Yes!!!!
I used to love Red Lobster. I’d go there every year for my birthday and get the same thing. The problem was it was called the Boardwalk Popcorn Shrimp. Okay, what’s with the Boardwalk? Most Boardwalks I’ve been to were at least a few dozen yards from the actual ocean. And I don’t think shrimp are too close to the beach ever. Call it what it is, fried popcorn shrimp. Artery clogging, not really all that healthy for you, obesifying (that’s gotta be a word in some circles) shrimp.
Haha! “Boardwalk Popcorn Shrimp!!” I would never be able to go full boardwalk without convulsing. When I conjure up the boardwalk I think of amusement park crap, hot dogs, italian ices, etc. Not so much popcorn shrimp. Even describing shrimp as “popcorn” makes me uneasy. When you combine ‘boardwalk’ and ‘popcorn’ your basically a carnival barker. Lol!
Okay, so you’ll be relieved to know I just looked up the Red Lobster menu and I didn’t see any of the shrimp we just spoke of, but I did see “coastal soup” !!!! haha!
Hah I’d just point at the menu and do what I do when I’m ordering Chinese food. “I’ll have this one.”
Muffies lmao.
haha! I like that technique quite a bit. Even though it makes me feel a bit dim, I’d rather do that than utter some of these goofy names.
Great post. I don’t consider myself too manly, not to eat certain foods, but I will avoid things with names where the restaurants are trying hard to be cool or avant garde. That’s why fancy French restaurants drive me nuts. I would starve rather than eat a “muffie.” I was at Popeye’s chicken, and they had what’s called a “Po Boys Sandwich.” Why not call it a “Poor Persons meal.” The problem with it is that’s it’s not cheap. I didn’t see a line of homeless people with shopping carts lined up at the drive through to get some of those Po Boys.
LOL! I can’t even combine those words or sounds together without laughing. They’ve given the sandwich a name that’s meant to transport the customer to the deep south. “After I eat this Po Boy I’m gonna head over to the Piggly Wiggly.” Is Popeye’s trying to tell us something about their demographic? “Poor person’s meal!” LOL!
And can I just ask, what’s with the reference to “Popeye?” I thought he was a spinach eater? Or are they referring to another unfortunate Popeye, who perhaps actually does have pop eyes?