Crushes, Flirting, and Sexual Tension…

T I M E   T R A V E L   T U E S D A Y

Does anyone remember what it was like to have a crush on someone? Can you conjure up that feeling? When was the last time you engaged in flirtatious behavior? Or the last time you blushed? Why is sexual tension such a winning formula for romantic comedies and how long can that tension be sustained in a real relationship?

If only these lusty feelings could be bottled up…. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

I’ve decided to venture into risky territory on this Valentine’s Day. Here goes…

CRUSHES: A Crush is a word used to describe “special’ feelings you have for another person. It means that you like them a lot. The first crush I had was on Keith Dickey in the 5th grade. During recess a couple of my friends and I would chase him around the playground. When we caught him, we would kick his shins. He’d eventually become very bruised and we’d be forbidden to go near him. Why did I have a crush on him? Because he was cute, like David Cassidy cute.

“I think I love you”   

Later on, when I was around 14 years old, I became infatuated with Chris Webber. He would show up at church functions, dances, parties, etc. He had dark wavy hair and icy blue eyes, oh, and he played LaCrosse. I would later discover that both LaCrosse and Ice Hockey were sports that always attracted, “my type.”  Anyway, When I was around Chris Webber, I would get tongue tied, not hard for me to do, and I would shake uncontrollably. I almost couldn’t be around him. I was so attracted and yet my body and brain betrayed me!

So, it would seem that crushes have something to do with physical attraction and sexual chemistry. Although, in the case of Keith Dickey it was clearly one sided. Crushes don’t need to be mutual.

FLIRTING:  Flirting, by my definition, is playful behavior with a little something extra thrown in the mix. I have a confession… I’m an occasional flirt. Not necessarily in a sexual way but I like to engage in witty banter, I like to laugh and I’m always smiling. I like to be challenged and I like to align myself with unsuspecting people. I’ve even been known to wink from time to time. Now that I re-read this, I sound like a desperado? Well, in my defense, I don’t do these behaviors ALL at the same time. So far, no one has been noticeably repelled by my behavior.

Here’s my question, is it possible to flirt with someone you know well or that you’ve known for a long time? It seems the less you know of the person the easier it is to flirt. Do any of you “flirt” with your spouses, in the traditional sense of the word? Hmmm…. In my opinion, flirting requires a slight buffer zone to hide behind, you need the element of the unknown. I think it works best with strangers.

SEXUAL TENSION: The definition is; A social phenomenon that occurs when two people interact and one or both feel sexual desire but neither one acts on it. It’s an attraction that’s almost always denied by the pair, while it usually appears obvious to friends and co-workers.

I actually had the experience of having a guy slap me in the face once! (I was 17 years old) I think I was unaware of his feelings for me and I must have said something that really upset him, although, for the life of me, I’ve never been able to figure it out? I like to chalk it up to sexual tension.

Most cases of sexual tension occur at work. I think the person involved has to have some regularity and meaningful interaction with you in order for it to take place. I don’t think the handy man or shoe sales man is a likely candidate.

Some examples of sexual tension; “Gone With the Wind” – Rhett Butler and Scarlett O’Hara, “Pride and Prejudice” – Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet, “Friends” – Ross and Rachel, and my favorite, Bridget Jones and Mr. Darcy – “Bridget Jones Diary.” (Not to be confused with the other Mr. Darcy played by the very same actor, Colin Firth.)

Mr. Darcy
What are your experiences with crushes, flirting and sexual tension? Are these behaviors a thing of the past or do you still engage in any of them? Is mature love and, or, marriage compatible with these behaviors? Or do you eventually move on? Do Tell.