My Exercise Guru…

I just did something that I haven’t done in two months. I exercised. I was really getting disgusted with myself so I got up and went looking for my old friend, Denise Austin. You know, she’s the perky little blonde gal with the raspy voice. I like her ’cause she’s not a hard body. She actually looks like a healthy female. On top of that, she’s happy and encouraging, I always feel emotionally safe with her. Some might think her over the top enthusiasm is a little patronizing, but I don’t mind it. She’s someone I can always return to, knowing that she won’t judge me or ask me where I’ve been for 2 months. Plus, and this is a big plus, she likes Idaho potatoes!!! You gotta love that about her, right?

I’m pretty sure I have the complete collection of Denise Austin on VHS. Nothing beats having to forward and rewind the tape, and the tape quality — one word — superb. My favorite is simply called, “SIZZLER.” (No, not the restaurant chain.) It’s 45 minutes of cardio interspersed with weight lifting routines. She has two other “friends” working out with her, Kelly and Jeff. I’m not exactly sure why Denise invited Jeff since his face turns tomato red halfway through the routine and you can tell he’s sweating like, well, like a man doing aerobics on the beach in Hawaii. It’s a little embarrassing, but not as embarrassing as when Denise makes mistakes and the camera man has to shoot her from the neck up. Other than those slight problems it’s a great work out.

Every time I rewind it I worry that it might be the last time I see Denise on that stretch of Hawaiian beach. At some point, I know the tape is gonna break, it’s inevitable considering everything I’ve put it through. Until that day, I plan to enjoy the routines that Denise has carefully choreographed to timeless classics like Donna Summer’s, “She Works Hard For The Money” and The Weather Girls, “It’s Raining Men.” (Yes, I’m kidding!)

I’m back, I’m motivated and one day, but probably never, I’m gonna look like Denise Austin on the cover of Sizzler from her “Hit the Spot” Gold Series. In the meantime, I’ll keep huffing and puffing and marching in place when I don’t know what’s going on.

Do any of you have exercise routines on VHS or DVD that you’d recommend?

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