My Thanksgiving…
My husband, Neil, was supposed to arrive home yesterday morning on the red-eye. His plane usually gets in around 6:00 am and he’s home by 7:00 am. That hour had come and gone so I called his cell phone to see if there had been a delay. He answered and said he wasn’t coming home, he was still in California. Then he added, “I think we need to go our separate ways.” Mind you, he’s done stuff like this before and my stomach usually turns somersaults. But this time was different because he added the bit about, “separate ways.” After that I just heard bits and pieces — something about wanting to live an honest life. I remember feeling like I was gonna be sick, my breathing became heavy, and I started feeling dizzy. Oh God, I thought, is it possible I’m bleeding?
Maybe my mentioning “The Perfect Storm” the other day was fortuitous. I had no idea my own perfect storm was brewing. It’s the holiday season and everyone knows there’s nothing like, when somebody you love and have been married to for 27 years, pulls the rug out from under you on Thanksgiving. I have to be out of my house, the one I’ve lived in for 15 years, in 3 weeks. It finally sold after a year and a half. I was planning on moving to LA to live in our two bedroom apartment, but now I have no place to go. I’ll be homeless with my son for Christmas. While I’ve spent the past month frantically packing and doing the heavy lifting, that’s figuratively and literally, Neil’s been in L.A. doing God knows what – zippity-doo-dah and apparently he has a partner. Good times.
I do remember him saying, we’ll all be happy. Really? Is that what you say to people after a Tsunami hits and there’s devastation all around, everyone is afraid and clinging to the wreckage? That’s when you talk about feeling happy? Are those his talking points, is that a script? Such a sensitive soul.
It’s also nice for the kids to be texted multiple times throughout the day to be reminded that they are loved – this from the person who, with very little effort and regard for their feelings, has turned their world upside down. Yes, Neil, it’s important that we all work hard to make you feel better, smooth the way so you can get on with your wrinkle free life. Good plan.
I cried so much yesterday that I gave myself a migraine. I stayed in bed reeling from this casually dropped bomb. It’s a nightmare that won’t go away. I wake up and it’s still there. I’m sure many of you are familiar with this agony. It feels like a death.
I needed to vent this very personal information as I feel like it might help restore an ounce of my lost power. I’m sorry to my readers that this post is a real downer. I don’t think “real downer” covers it, actually.
I need prayers. I need them badly. I’m horribly wounded and I don’t know how to proceed from here. My beautiful friend, Audra, of UnfetteredBS, encouraged me to put this out there. She said this is a very supportive community, which I’ve found it to be, as well. So I’m putting my pain, anger, sadness, feelings of hopelessness and confusion out there. I lack cohesiveness at the present time – please forgive it as it appears in my writing.
A Gripping Life…
please send me your private email addy..mine is dallas528@hotmail.com
lynne
I am so sorry. I am at a loss of what else to say other than how your husband did this, well, it is the highest form of douche baggery. I will pray for you can your children. Xoxoxo
You know, actually, that’s just what I wanted to hear. 🙂 Thank you for your kind and sensitive comment. I so appreciate the prayers. xoxoxo
Lisa
Oh Lisa,
I’m glad Audra encouraged you to share. It’s too much to carry by yourself; I can’t begin to imagine your heartache. You have my prayers dear lady. For your whole family. Keep reaching out for support. I know usually you are the one offering a lifeline in the form of words…but now let everyone else help you.
Feel God’s love through your friends and family. Be good to yourself…and cling to your kids. You are loved*
Lisa
Lis said this beautifully– you are the one always out offering thoughtful and caring lifelines to all of us; now it is our turn to embrace you in the fold. Lean on us dear Lisa. As you know you have been in my thoughts and prayers and will continue to be.(as well as your family)
highest form Douche baggery.. I like that too. Neil is sorry excuse of a man who is throwing away a lifetime.. I am deeply sorry for your pain and for your loss. (Your tags read like a poem)
You do not deserve to be treated this way..
Stay strong my dear friend!
Audra
Oh my gosh, “Your tags read like a poem…” Audra, you’ve been such a wonderful support. At least I know that I have sensitive friends who are there for me. Such goodness and kindness… We are all lucky to have each other. Our combined experiences make for a beautiful sturdy safety net and now that I’ve fallen into it, I’m impressed and relieved. I’m so happy and blessed to call you my friend. 🙂
Lisa xoxox
Lisa,
Your words feel so good and comforting. How is it that everyone knows just what to say? I think we’re each a thread in this big beautiful tapestry and sometimes we forget that our contribution, our life experience, is significant. Your thread, Lisa, is pure gold 🙂
Thanks for all the love and support, friend. It means so much to me.
Lisa
xoxox
Audra was right – I was encouraged to write about my pain recently too and it did help. So much support here, and just the working through it all..
Right now you’re no doubt in shock and you have to be angry and grieve…find somewhere to move to and then be gentle on yourself. It doesn’t feel like it but you will come through it. sending you kind and healing thoughts, from oz
I guess it’s just going to take a lot of time. There’s so much to process on an emotional level. If I wasn’t already so depleted I’d probably be doing a bit better. This has come at such an awful time.
I’m feeling the love from Oz 🙂
Thank you for these kind and comforting words. I’m taking it in… I am.
PS – Audra is such a good soul.
Certainly can feel like it’s hard to get back up…and yep it can take a lot of time. I keep telling my daughter don’t be surprised by a bad day after a few good ones – there’s no timeframe that works for everyone or anyone
x
That’s very true, I think. I need to be kind to myself right now. No time frame. I’m going to follow that advice.
xo
Honey I am so sorry. but God is in control. Believe me, I have been there. You are a survivor just like me. I survived and you will too! Prayers all day going out to you
What a sweet comment. I hope that I’m like you, nothing would please me more. Thanks for the encouragement and kindness and eternal perspective. I do believe that God has a plan so maybe I needed a major over-haul or do-over or something to put me in a new direction? Maybe I was going the wrong way? If that’s what this is all about than I need to exercise my faith even more….
Thanks for the love.
Lisa xoxox
Lisa, I guess I figure….that the best defense to the stupid worm of a devil is a testimony and then playing it forward. I will never forget when my husband and I split up after 14 years of marriage. We had two kids, not yet teenagers, owned a house, and were basically comfortable. He kept getting promoted but was basically a functioning alcoholic and then got into more serious things… I won’t go into it here but when he chose that over his family it was devastating. I remember lying in bed at my mom’s house (I had driven there, in record time) I couldn’t sleep, I was shaking so bad, so overwhelmed by the hub of my life and where I was at that moment. I couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to wake my kids who were both in the King Sized bed with me… so I got up and turned on the TV which happened to be on a James Robinson program. At the very moment when I was about to turn the channel, he started reading a letter… it said something like this…. :”I am living in a 12×12 foot room, I have lost my marriage, my home and am going bankrupt and in a horrible custody battle, and yet I am happier than I ever have been because I have finally found Jesus. She went on to say how she had been born again for years and a member of their church, had gone along feeling very filled with the spirit etc… but didn’t know what was missing until she found herself sucker punched by life and then on her face, on her knees and the joy she found there in all the muck made her a new person, a person she really loved in a way, she never had before… And she wasn’t the least bit scared thought she didn’t know where the next answer was to her last question, she knew that God had never failed her and she hadn’t even tapped into what was in store…. They were the words I needed to hear. I kneeled before that silly TV at 2AM and gave it ALL to God and then went to bed thanking HIM for answers to the prayers I had yet to pray. I was calm and went fast to sleep and stayed that way all night long. I wish my story was different, and I could say that my husband saw the light and we got back together and began a marriage ministry or something like that 🙂 But we did remain friends, We even shared the same paralegal and hugged out in front of his office after signing the divorce papers, it was all very sad and he had been the love of my life… My John Wayne of love… I went on to marry a wonderful Christian man who raised my kids in a Christian home and loves me more than I could ever have dreamed. We will celebrate 19 years next week.
Lisa, God has a plan, it may be to prick your husband’s heart. and have him crawl back to you with apologies gushing from his sorry mouth or.. it may be that He has better things in store for you, things you don’t even know how to pray for yet… Blessings, beyond your wonderful imagination! This is not a tragedy… Squash the stupid devil and make it into a wonderful adventure with God at the helm of your ship! Give the course to HIM and I promise you will have the best testimony ever!~ I see you speaking in front of hundreds of women telling about that Thanksgiving Day that changed your life many years ago… At the very least a good book will come out of all this! Keep a lot of journals.
Praying for you my sweet friend. Can’t wait to watch what the Lord has planned
Love ya,
Di
For some reason I thought this was an email and I kept looking for it, and here it was the whole time! Sorry for the mix up. This was such a great comment. I know it came from your heart. I appreciate your sharing your experience – it makes it very real. I’m glad things worked out for you the way they did and that you found God in the process. There are some things that are too much for us, things that we need to give to the Lord. We need our faith to get through these difficult times.
Thanks for reminding me that there’s a plan specifically for me. Right now I can’t see it but I have faith it’s there.
You are so kind and thoughtful to write such heart felt words. Thank you my friend, it means so much to me.
Love ya,
Lisa
xoxo
I’m so sorry Lisa. I read that with my jaw dropped the entire time, this is so unbelievable. You know I’m here if you need anything. I have some experience with this sort of stuff, so feel free to get in touch with me at any time. Prayers and love are definitely going your way.
Jon
Thanks for the love, Jon. I know you ‘get it’ and I appreciate the prayers, so much.
Lisa xoxox
No problem. Just so you know, I plan on sending you a note. Take Care.
🙂
Lisa, I saw this, this morning and I will email you. I understand what you are going through, my dear friend. My thoughts and prayers are with you. much love. xxoo
As always, Brigitte – thank you for being such a good and sensitive soul. You are indeed my sister 🙂
xoxox
Oh wow I’m so sorry. I had trouble reading through this and had to stop midway and start putting my thoughts down without getting to the end. Pretty much the same exact thing happened to me family years ago so in a way I’m reliving it.
I know you never would and I’m sure you have a million other people on your list ahead of me, but if you or your son ever needed a place to stay there’s always room wherever I’ll be living. I’ve been in the process of moving myself closer to New York and seeing what you’re going through lets me know my stresses aren’t nearly as big as the ones going on in other people’s lives. As it is still around Thanksgiving I want you to know I am thankful for you. You really are a compassionate, sweet, caring, smart, and talented individual. Everyone thinks it, everyone knows it. My older sister told me she reads yours and Lily’s comments and is glad I have two women like you in my life even if from a distance who are so powerful and supportive. A little strange, but when you first commented on my blog and I realized you were a relative of Lily’s I was hoping you were a younger sister I thought you were so cool. I know weird, but for some reason it made sense to come clean and after all these nice things I have to remind you who’s saying them.
You really are a great motherly figure to have and I know I’m not alone in that sentiment. Pete, NBI, and all the other younger bloggers who read and comment here would say the same thing. I find myself watching what I say a little bit knowing you’re around which isn’t a bad thing either. It has helped me develop myself better in not only the way I think but in how I also express myself. You have made a difference in my life in the short time we have known each other. I would hate to ever disappoint you.
You’re a great woman and you don’t have to go through this alone. There is not much I can ever offer you, but know whatever I can give I will. I know you’re strong and will get through this and whatever else life throws your way. Lean on those who will be there to catch you because there are a lot of us out there, ready and willing.
Tim, all I can say is I wish I could bottle up your comment and drink it all day long. You’re so very kind. Lily and I just had this conversation, maybe your ears were ringing? We both recognize you as an incredibly sensitive soul – you are kindness personified 🙂
Someone asked me the other day if we were related and I said you were my cyber son, but really, you’re more than that. The fact that you could lift me with such sweet words on this ugly day means that you will always have a place in my heart. We are connected.
I’m just in survival mode right now, auto pilot if you will. I suspect there’ll be more stuff to post as I find my way. It’s nice to know I have people, not many, like you out there with so much love and support to share.
Thanks for being so great, for always seeing into my heart.
“Timisgoo” – no truer words have been spoken. 🙂
Lisa xoxo
Tim is the kindest. 😀
Sooo kind. And so little. 🙂
Pure anger here. Pure, unadulterated anger. Too many personal memories for my good, and, this just–grrrrrrrr.
I’ve emailed you.
I love you. I do. Now, circle the wagons, do not be afraid to lean on your friends (that is why God gives us friends, because some times it is just too much) and get mad.
Miss Addie
PS A PARTNER?? Even more growls coming from me
I love you too, Addie. I know you KNOW. I’m glad that you have that very specific thing to offer me – pure Addie and I do need it, right now. Thanks for all the love and support but mostly– you’re one who knows my heart and that means the world to me. Such comfort… xoxox
Lisa
Mi casa is su casa, and I’ll buy a blow up bed for Bud. I’m not sure he’ll fit in my little living room on the sofa.
No one effs with my friends. No one. End of story.
Massive hugs, and I’m sorry I’m not there to enfold you in arms and let you cry.
Haha! I do believe you. I do, indeed. The feeling is mutual.
xoxoxo
I read this a couple of times because it’s hard to believe. Rather, it’s something I don’t want to believe and I can only imagine what you must be experiencing right now. You don’t have to go through this in isolation. This all saddens me so. I’m praying for you Lisa.
Thanks, Sandee. I need those prayers in a big way. I feel like everything just folded up on me. There have been very few times in my life when I think about ending it all I guess most of us have those moments at some point…? This one has really knocked me for a loop, the wind in my sails has died and I feel like I’ve been set a drift in a very dead place. I’m scared and feeling hopeless. Things always seem more tragic when strong people get cut down…
Thanks for being there and caring so deeply.
I’m just trying to survive each day…
Lisa
xoxox
So sorry to hear this, I will be sending prayers and good thoughts your way…
Grippy, I am very sad that you are going through this. There is no “good” time to find out the person you love with all your heart and soul no longer wants to be in your life. It may not seem like it now, but there will come a day that you will realize that this is a good thing. You will not only survive but thrive. Major life changes are an opportunity to re-evaluate and grow in new directions. I am sure you will grow and thrive and do it with grace and good humor.
Thanks, Sandy. I know your words are true and wise and I hope to maintain a level of that perspective as long as I can. So much of my heart space right now, is being taken up with anger, sadness, confusion, etc. I’m in survival mode, a notch better than auto pilot, I suppose.
I hope that one day I thrive, again, and yes, I’d love to be able to do it with grace and good humor. Thanks for that!
Lisa
Lisa,
As you may know, I haven’t posted a blog in quite some time. Along with that, I haven’t been reading anyone else’s blog. Life has been crazy and I’ve been thrown a few nasty curve balls these last few months. But for some reason, I stopped to read your blog when it hit my inbox this morning. I’m so glad I did, my friend!
My heart aches for you! You are such a kind and honest person and you’ve been dealt a nasty blow. I’m speechless!
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children right now. I just wish there was some way to take away the pain and the feeling of betrayal that I know you must feel right now. The whole situation is awful, but the timing couldn’t possibly be worse!
If I can help in any way – if you just need someone not of your “real world” to talk to freely – please e-mail me! Use the Contact Me option through my blog – the e-mail goes straight into my inbox.
In the meantime, know that you’ll be in my constant thoughts and prayers. You are such an amazing woman and you deserve complete happiness in life!
Aww… thanks Cathie. Just seeing your face pop up on my screen makes me happy. You’ve said so many kind things here, my heart is full. Thank you for caring so deeply and so kindly.
Yeah, I think I could use those prayers and good thoughts – if you don’t mind, I’ll take them. 🙂
Thanks for the love.
Lisa
xoxox
They’re heading your way in abundance!!!!!!! (((HUGS))))
OOPS! That last comment was from me…forgot to sign off of my other wordpress account! 🙂
It’s a Wonderful Life… that what comes to mind when I see your comment.
Thanks so very much – all that love is much appreciated. 🙂
Lisa
hahaha! Laughter is always good and appreciated, too!! Thanks, Cathie!
Look how many places you have to live now! As much as this whole thing sucks, you have the biggest support group ever! It shows how loved you truly are. I’m glad you shared this.
Roughing this storm won’t be so bad with so many people in our life boat 🙂
Your Mom is loved. ( as you are too) I think she should travel the world and visit us all 🙂
Me too! I would come for sure!
just make sure you make it to CT 🙂
that might be the first stop… 😉
Amen!
We all have you in our thoughts and prayers, too, Lily. I’m proud to share a lifeboat with this group.
Lisa,
Deep down you know how much you are loved and valued. What you are experiencing now tests your self-worth, so what you say to yourself is influenced by darkness – it’s not the truth.
This period is the opportunity for you to dig deep and look hard at Lisa – who the heck wants to hear this now I know. But you’ll get closer to yourself this way. This makes you stronger because you are actually paying attention to what’s going on with you. But you can’t be afraid to look at the truth. It’s not easy.
I hope that you resist the temptation to focus too hard on your husband. You’re right, there were times when I thought I should check out. But then I remember things I learned when I reached out to the spiritual community, that if I keep my relationship with God and with myself on an intimate basis just between us, I’ll learn more about my special place in this life.
You can come out of this with some beautiful truths and with a renewed vision for yourself. Maybe you don’t want to hear this now but I’m hoping that you continue to pray for your husband. I’ve been told that I should pray for people that I feel intensely negative about. I pray that they find God’s will and the power to carry it out. I pray that God’s love and protection covers them. This way I’m not a victim and can relate to these people as other confused human beings in the struggle on this planet.
As we only have this day, each day I have to turn the reins over to the care of God. I’m a small-minded human being so I’m not perfect at it and don’t pray every day sometimes. But I find that small miracles of awareness and renewed vision occur when I’m open. I think you know all of this and that you instinctively reached out to hear back what you probably already know.
I prayed for you earlier and I’ll pray again.
Love,
Sandee
You are beautiful Sandee
Aw, Audra, thank you so much.
Sandee, your comment is beautiful just like you. It only confirms what I already knew about you, you’re full of love and light. What you wrote here really moves me because I know it came from a very deep vulnerable place inside of you. Look at you, picking me up from the floor, Sandee.
I’m humbled by your sweet words and friendship. It means so much to me and I’m gonna try and do as you say- find that place where I can concentrate on praying for love and understanding in my husband’s life, in all of our lives. Lord knows I’m a weak and confused and “small minded” person, too. I need all of God’s grace, so who am I to deny another. I’m glad you made this a point in your comment. I love you for it.
Lisa
Xoxo
~hugs~
Sandee…. I agree… perfect words!
I have only known you for a short time through your blog–you have always been so kind and compassionate–such a lovely person. What a jerk–what a jerk–what a jerk–what a fool – what a fool– I am so sorry–in the end you may be better off, but for now I am going to pray that you get through (and you will)
I have been reading the comments and you are so loved–and from our short “friendship” I understand why.
So glad you put it out there–you are getting such love and support back.
Again-I am so sorry (hugs)
Ha! Thanks LouAnn! It’s good to hear “What a jerk” along with everything else. Very satisfying, indeed.
I really do appreciate your prayers and your friendship, so much. Isn’t it funny how we find people on here and we just know when they’re a keeper? Well, you’re a keeper. Your words are comforting and make me wish that you were standing right here in front of me saying them. Then I could give you a hug. 🙂
Thanks for all the very kind things you’ve said. It’s nice to have such a great group of people, even though we’ve never met formally, provide a safety net of understanding.
Thanks again, LouAnn
xoxo
I will alsways be here for you – and once more for good measure–what a jerk! (I do not swear in writing, but if I did……)
Ouch. I really don’t know what to say about this, it’s awful.
Hope everything works out okay.
“Ouch” is exactly right. I’m hurting. Thanks Michael for the well wishes and being a constant friend.
Even This Shall Pass Away
Once in Persia reigned a King
Who upon his signet ring
Graved a maxim true and wise,
Which, if held before the eyes,
Gave him counsel at a glance,
Fit for every change and chance.
Solemn words, and these are they:
“Even this shall pass away.”
Trains of camels through the sand
Brought his gems from Samarcand;
Fleets of galleys through the seas
Brought him pearls to match with these.
But he counted not his gain
Treasures of the mine or main;
“What is wealth?” the king would say;
“Even this shall pass away.”
In the revels of his court
At the zenith of the sport,
When the palms of all his guests
Burned with clapping at his jests;
He amid his figs and wine,
Cried: “Oh loving friends of mine!”
“Pleasure comes but not to stay;”
“Even this shall pass away.”
Fighting on a furious field,
Once a javelin pierced his shield;
Soldiers with a loud lament
Bore him bleeding to his tent;
Groaning from his tortured side,
“Pain is hard to bear,” he cried,
“But with patience, day by day,
Even this shall pass away.”
Towering in the public square,
Twenty cubits in the air,
Rose his statue, carved in stone,
Then, the king, disguised, unknown,
Stood before his sculptured name
Musing meekly, “What is fame?
Fame is but a slow decay
Even this shall pass away.”
Struck with palsy, sere and old,
Waiting at the gates of gold,
Said he with his dying breath;
“Life is done, but what is death?”
Then, in answer to the King,
Fell a sunbeam on his ring,
Showing by a heavenly ray,
“Even this shall pass away.”
— Theodore Tilton
You’re a man with a good soul, Malcolm. Thank you for writing this and for shining a light on some much needed wisdom. I think having the proper perspective will be the key to getting through this time period – and according to the poem, all others, too. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It means a great deal to me that you shared this.
Lisa
xoxo
Wow, I feel so damn sorry for you. Sorry that you have to deal with this kind of people :(. You deserve better. You deserve a really good life as you’re a really good person. Nevermind telling your story here – after all, we’re sort of a virtual family as I said to Lily. It may sound a bit strange, but I do feel like that. I hope you feel better soon, and if not, nevermind letting go of what bothers you here – that is what family is for.
I know, NBI, it sucks. I told my son that I feel like I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole – everything feels surreal right now. I’m confused as to what my next steps should be. I feel vulnerable, sad and scared. That pretty much sums it up.
Thanks for being a part of my family and hoping good things for me.
Lisa
xoxo
God. I haven’t seen enough of the world to give you any meaningful advice, so I’ll be praying for you. I’m so sorry; keep strong.
Prayers are good and very needed. I appreciate your thoughtful comment more than you know. 🙂
Lisa
I am emailing you.
Dear Lisa, prayers for you and your family are winging their way to you right now. Isn’t it strange and awful and beautiful how sometimes, everything seems to end at once? There is a big new beginning for you around the corner. A beautiful doorway through to the life of your dreams. Please remember: God never gives us things that we cannot cope with. Your life is lighter now, by a house and a husband. There is a freedom in that somewhere, if you can only find it. Blessings and strength to you, Sara xxx
Oh, Sara – your words have just filled my cup. I love your comment and the strength I sense behind it. It feels good when people express themselves with a sense of surety – it translates as very solid, something to stand on. I need to step back, take a deep breath and somehow find more than just misery in this whole thing, I need to find possibility and freedom. Thanks for imparting some of your strength – it’s a very attractive quality.
Your thoughtfulness is much appreciated.
Thanks, Sara.
xoxo
You are in my prayers…. I have only recently begun to follow you but wouldn’t wish this kind of pain on anyone.
your “about me”
” My nest has recently become empty, well, at least part-time empty, and I’m feeling the need to re-define myself, get out of my rut, break unhealthy patterns and routines,…”
If ever there was an unhealthy pattern, this guy is it…..run as fast as you can away from this…there are wonderful people in the world who would never do this to another person.
I love that you took the words from my about page and applied them to this situation. There’s something poetic about that. I would have missed it, if not for you. 🙂
Now I see it. Maybe we know more about our future selves than we realize?
Thank you for being here in my life at the right time, and saying just the right thing. I’m wondering how I got so lucky to know so many thoughtful people.
I thank you kindly for this.
Lisa
xoxo
Ach! Devastating and rotten – words cannot express. You are a stranger to me except… I have found myself quoting your posts when I’m giving my teenager advice and I know through your words you have fortitude and sense. I can see this community has circled you with their prayers – you have the grace, dearest, and you will rise above. Hugs,V
Vickie, all I can say is thank you for this comment. I’ve been drawn to you, as well – starting with your cool picture. Your words feel good, enveloping and safe. That’s really all we have to go by and yet some how we end up knowing each other in a most profound way. It does feel like you see beyond, that you see what’s real and meaningful – I believe that’s your gift. “You have the grace, dearest, and you will rise above.” I’ll be keeping these words with me. I’m going to will them to be true.
Lisa
xoxo
Oh my dear Lisa. If only there was something I could say that could make you feel better. I am so sorry that this has happened. You must feel as if the the floor below you has suddenly dropped out from beneath your feet and that the sky is swirling. And you just sold your house and aren’t settled in anywhere yet. And knowing what a loving gentle and kind and sensitive person you are must make it so so very hard. Oh how I wish I could sit with you and listen and say something comforting to make you feel better, all I can say is that you are truly loved by all of us who have been lucky enough to connect with you, Lisa. And I really believe that your path in life has been especially designed for you — so that you will become the person you were destined to become. Life is tough love but in the end I sincerely believe that it is pure love and that everything is going to turn out okay. Oh but the quest of life is full of dangers and disasters and trials of unbelievable difficulty. And I am so sad that you are having to go through such a thing and at this time of year. I’m sending you a thought in the form of a teddy bear shining bright with god’s love to protect you and comfort you. I don’t know how to find your e-mail address but mine is lindavernon51@gmail.com. You are much loved and appreciated and you’ve made my life a little brighter every single day. So I hope you feel better soon dear friend. Sending you all my love . . . . . Linda
Just seeing your face makes me cry. I’ll email you. Thanks you for your sweet and comforting words, Linda. You, too, have made each of my days brighter and happier – I feel so very blessed to have you for my friend.
Lisa
xoxox
OMG….as I began reading, I had hoped this was some sort of joke….by the end tears were flowing. I’m so sorry. Ten years ago I thought my marriage was over, I could not function. I remained in bed for four days only getting up to be a mother. We worked it out for the kids……back to you. You have a wonderful group of followers and thus do not need to go this alone.
Hey, I’ll ditch the hubby and us babes can hit the road (with the pups, of course)
Sending warm wishes and prayers, Ingrid
Oh, Ingrid… I wish it was a big joke. Instead it’s just the most crappy time of my life.
I am thankful that this came after my children were grown and not when they were young. I can’t imagine how difficult that must be.
I’d love to hit the road with you and of course the pups! Good times.
Thanks for relating to this situation- your comment is both thoughtful and kind.
And the prayers are much appreciated. 😉
Lisa
Xoxo
Sending you lots of hugs and prayers and wishes for a brighter happier future. Keep on going.
That’s so kind, thank you. I’ll take all the hugs and prayers I can get. I hope the future will be brighter, I really do. 🙂
(Hey, it can’t get much worse!)
I am so truly sorry for you going through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you, dear one. Please keep moving forward. There aren’t words to express the pain and utter shocking disappointment you must be feeling. Much love and light.
Thanks, Millie. Now you see why your beautiful post was so soothing.
I appreciate your prayers right now. I’m just trying to get through each day with this heavy weight on me. I have a ticking clock and major life decisions to make. I’m just depleted right now.
I’m so thankful for your thoughtful well wishes.
Lisa
Lisa – I am so sorry. I don’t know how people live with themselves when they do something like that. That is the most pathetic excuse for human behavior going. No one deserves that – especially not you.
I am glad Audra encouraged you to write about it – I am here for you if you need anything – and I will keep you in my thoughts. I am so sorry you are having to go through this – and to do that on a holiday is just the most selfish thing someone can do – to their spouse and to their child. You deserve better. Please keep writing – even if you don’t post it all – it is therapeutic. When i get overwhelmed – I make lists – they seem to help put things in perspective. Hang on and keep moving forward –
Writing about it felt good but I censored myself, obvs. I’m pretty upset, as you can well imagine. I have the potential to be “meaner than cat shit” right now – but I’m pulling it back. I’ve got to find release without fanning the flames, hurting myself, or anyone else. I don’t want to make a bad situation worse and I’d rather come out of this feeling as though I got through it with my grace and dignity in tact. Writing is the perfect release. As my pathetic husband likes to say, “Rage on the page.” I think I’ll do just that.
Thanks for being my friend — for all your thoughtful words and support.
Lisa
xoxo
I know what you mean -once it’s written/posted – it’s there – but you can still write the ‘rage on the page’ for yourself and then burn it. If you need anything – please let me know. You will come out of this better than you imagined – you’re a good person and you have good people around you. Be well, my friend
Thanks, Denise. This is good advice. I really do appreciate your encouragement and your positive attitude with regard to my future.
As demonstrated here you have a lot of love and support. I know you will emerge from this difficult time stronger and, eventually, happier.
Thanks, John. Your thoughtful comment means a lot to me.
Lisa, you have a home in Haridwar, Delhi and Pune.
Raunak, you are so very kind. Thank-you for your sweet offer. I feel I have a home in our new friendship. 🙂
Grippy:
I just read this and am stunned and shell-shocked. To the small extent that I can give it, you have my support.
C-a-L
Thank you, CaL. I wasn’t sure about posting such personal information but I think the support from everyone has been very uplifting. I’m glad I did. I’m happy to have you as my friend.
Grippy
Lisa,
You have got me praying for you. I know God has great things in store for you!
Love you my friend!
You are so sweet. I’m feeling so much love. It’s humbling.
Thanks, Di!
xoxoxo
What a fucking prick, to put it ever so bluntly. Who does something like that on a holiday like Thanksgiving? Who does something like that to someone like you or to a family like yours? I’m not saying this to make you feel better but because it’s fact but you are quite possibly the coolest person I’ve ever met in my life. I’ve never met anyone whose given a damn about me quite the way you have, believe me when I say your words have gotten me through some tough times over this past year, I’ve been close to doing something stupid multiple times and your words have perhaps unknowingly to you always brought me back.
Though we haven’t met in person I consider you to be family; you’re one of the reasons I look forward to coming online. I can say I’ve felt heartbreak before but nothing on the levels as what you must be feeling right now. I’m so sorry this has happened to you, what a cowardly thing to do to just say it’s over down the telephone after everything, after all the years you’ve been together.
Trust me when I say it’s his loss and he will realize just what he’s lost eventually, I have no doubt in my mind that you’ll get through this because you are strong even if you don’t feel like it right now.
I love you so much and I feel honoured that you’ve shared something so personal with us. You know where to find me if you ever need to talk though I’m sure you have better options! Just remember you are loved and because one person has made a grave mistake it isn’t a reflection on you as a person, don’t ever change for anyone.
x
Pete. I’m so very moved by what you just wrote. You want to hear something funny? This is true… After this happened, like the next day, I was talking with Lily and I said, “Maybe I should go find Pete, he always makes me feel better.” I seriously said that. You and I have a little connection apparently that transcends words. Pulling you out of a low point has always been my pleasure. That’s what you do for the people you love. It’s my priviledge to call you my friend, Pete. I think the world of you. I love you too, and only wish good things for you. One of these days we’ll meet up, I know we will because I’m gonna make it happen. (Lillington will be there, too) And we’ll have the best time, you know I don’t drink but if WE go out… I plan on getting good and drunk. Lots of laughs, and of course, a crotch thrust for good measure.
Seriously, you may be ‘Ard Pete on paper but your the kindest, most dear guy I know. Let’s make this our year. Good things are coming our way… Hell, they can’t get much worse for me. LOL!
We have in writing that my mom will get drunk for you. Let’s meet up in London like, now.
It’s as good as a contract as far as I’m concerned, we’ll play monopoly pub crawl!
I’m always told I have a way with words! Like today at work some bloke sounded pretty depressed down the phone as he had computer problems and I said, “I’m just going to look at your back end and see if I can get myself connected”, he was balling with laughter before I even realized what I said! You’re damn Skippy we’re going to meet up even if I have to come to your side of the pond! There’s a definite plan to do so once I get out of debt haha. 🙂
hahaha! “I’m just going to have a look at your back end and see if I can get myself connected.” LOL! Oh, Mr. Howorth, you do crack me up. 🙂
Lily and I will absolutely be there – a pub crawl… I’m in. (It won’t be pretty since I don’t drink but, whatever…
Lisa, since you were bold enough to put it out there, I’ll be bold enough to speak my mind. I remembered some of your comments on my posts and in reply to comments on your posts. I went back and read many of them. First, I suspect you saw this coming. Second, I suspect that a part of you wanted it. I believe you do not feel you were ever loved and appreciated like you should have been and you wondered, what if? Well, you can stop wondering. The “what if” is now there for you. The possibilities are only limited to your imagination. Sure, this hurts. It’s sorta sudden and you have fear for the future. But I’m telling you, the future will offer you so much more than what you have now. Nothing has been taken away from you that was still of real value. You have been given that wonderful gift of a second chance. Not to get right, but to explore other paths and other possibilities. So cry and hurt for now. It’s okay. But guess what? It’s not lasting. One day, and I think very soon, you will stop looking back and start looking forward and you will realize that what is ahead of you is much better than what was behind you. All joy in this new adventure. Ah, dear one, the possibilities for you are like ripened apples on a tree. Time to get plucking! HF
Well, you’ve certainly seen into my soul, HF, as I knew you would. That must be why I have a lump in my throat and my eyes are wet… I can tell you that starting with my father and now with my husband, that I’ve never been loved, at least not in the sense of what I imagine love to look and feel like. Patterns do repeat. It’s very likely that I was attracted to what was familiar – someone who would never be emotionally present for me. And my role… to do everything humanly possible to love this person and have it reciprocated. It was not to be. I know now, that you can’t fix people by loving them. It’s not enough if they don’t love themselves. Lesson learned.
I’m going to hold onto your words of comfort, keeping them close by in case I start to crumble. Thank you for being my friend. Most importantly, thank you for seeing into my soul. It’s a rare and sweet gift that you’ve given me.
Lisa
HF- this is the most insightful and encouraging and yes, honest comment ..I too gleaned from this.. I know it’s meant for Lisa, but can I share your wisdom with my head..
simply wonderful…
Lisa,
right now, while all this is raw… and you just feel sucker punched… don’t waste your words… write! I promise you that someday you will read them… and it will be like opening up a prayer tin someday and finding all your prayers were answered. My ex died over five years ago… way too young…he was like a stoic John Wayne… only really ever shared his deepest feelings when he was wasted…
My daughter and I went to see him on his death bed. A life of living hard had caught up to him. I left him but it was up to him in the end. I loved the idiot, scars and all but it was like opening up a caged animal… he ran like the wind… but on his death bed he told me he was so sorry and he had made the biggest mistake. He had.
I promise someday Lisa you will look back on the journal of words… even this blog and be so smack in the middle of blessings that this time will seem like a whisper of a bad dream. But now I urge you to buy yourself a journal and a nice pen…and write your socks off… and carry it with you and pour out your heart… maybe it will be part of a book someday… or maybe just a message that God is sitting right next to you today with a plan BIGGER than ours… lean back on him and rest. HIS yolk is easy…
Wish I could take you out for coffee this morning…
Guess we have to just make a pot and drink in the friendship HE has given us at the perfect time. You are loved my friend… I don’t think I have ever seen a post that has received so much love.
You are our friend because of your heart. You are HIS because HE is in yours! Let that be enough for now.
Don’t worry about tomorrow.
I will pray that your husband has an awakening….hopefully not on his death bed… smirk… okay… had to throw that one in… (It was getting too serious!) 😉
Love ya,
Di
Thanks for the encouragement and good advice and of course for sharing so much. I know you speak the truth from experience. We are placed carefully in each other’s life for just this purpose – to love each other.
Thanks, Di!
xoxo
Yep, all Divine appointments…
Found this blog via my mother in law’s sis… thought you might find it inspiriing… I truly do see you as a speaker someday… you just have that look and strength and this is just another part of your testimony… getting you going on your own circuit of appointed places… Has anyone ever suggested you speaking? Anyway the blog below is a speaker and I just thought you might find encouragement… I’ll follow you around a book ya and coordinate your book tours! ;D
http://www.bostern.com/blog/beautiful-battlefields/
Just read this, very behind on my favourite blogs, and, needless to say, I am blown away. My first thought was a piece of fiction, then I kept reading and realized it was not. I can’t say or add much to what everyone else has already passed on to you. I know in my heart you will get through this, although getting past it will be the difficult thing.
When it rains it pours… just when I thought my life couldn’t get any more difficult, WHAM! Right between the eyes. Thanks for caring, John – I really do appreciate your well wishes.
Lisa – how are you doing — tried to send you an email but that eludes me–just checking in–I am on hiatus this week–but wanted to let you know I am thinking of you-LouAnn
LouAnn, you’re so sweet. Thanks for checkin in on me. I really feel blessed to have this kind of love and support. It makes me wonder if I didn’t start blogging a year ago for exactly this purpose…? Well, my feelings are ebbing and flowing, which I guess is to be expected. Good thing I have a sense of humor! It’s nice to punctuate the crying jags with a laugh or two – even if it does make me look a little insane. 🙂
I’m trying to figure out, quite frantically, where to move. I’ve narrowed it down to Nashville or Austin. I think I could be happy in either of those places. Any thoughts?
I hope you’re having a great day. My email is lisagorelabute@aol.com You’re my kind of gal, so feel free to drop me a line anytime.
Thanks for the care and comfort.
Lisa
I will email you Lisa–glad to hear you can laugh a bit (hugs)
I’m such a shithead! I just now read this, this very second. Don’t think for a minute that I read this and didn’t feel the bottom drop out of my stomach. I lurched, I really did. Oh Lisa, I am so VERY sorry. What a neat guy. Are you shitting me? I will email right now but just wanted you to know that I wasn’t taking this lightly. xoxox
You are anything but a shithead – although I do know someone who is… 🙂
I’ll get by with a little help from my friends…
Thanks, Mags!
There’s nothing worse than having your world turned upside down (and yes, I’ve been there). But you WILL survive.
Keeping you in my thoughts.
I remember you saying something about that… Yeah, it’s miserable. Even though I hate that my blogging friends have gone through this agony your experience gives me hope and I find your words comforting. Thanks for caring.
Thanks for stopping in — can’t compare my news to yours– so sorry to read this– so common sadly- I have a friend going through the same thing now and her 2 teenage sons are devastated. Take care of yourself.
Thanks for this. It is easier somehow, even though it shouldn’t be, when I know that other people are going through it, too. At least you don’t feel so alone.
Thanks for your thoughtfulness.
Lisa
Oh Lisa! What can I say to make this any easier to deal with! I am so sorry you are going through all this at this time of the year especially!
Even though time is short regarding your move, try to take a day to go off and be quiet, examine and express your feelings and rant, rave and rail at the heavens! It is important not to stuff down all your feelings into a box of belongings ready to move.
I wish I could be there to give you a big, comforting hug, as well as a hand with sorting through and packing up the old life, and planning a new one.
I wish you calm, peace, clarity, strength, comfort, patience, wisdom and humour in the coming weeks and months. Bless you, Charlene x@
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device
Charlene, you’re dear. Those well wishes coming from someone who’s known her fair share (actually not so fair) of hardship are all the more meaningful. I wish you could be here to give me a hug, too. Funny how much I do think about you and try and channel your perseverance and good attitude. You’ve been a loving inspiration. Thank you for the sweet friendship and always kind words.
much love,
Lisa
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I read Lily’s post and want to show you love. It is a tough spot to be in but I can see how much you’re loved. I want to give you a great big hug. There are no right words and there is nothing I can say to make it better, but know there is one stranger out there keeping you in her thoughts in prayers.
x,
Becca
It’s so kind that you came over to give me some love, Becca. Thank you. I need all the love and prayers I can get. It’s such a difficult time. 😦
I guess it’s just a process that I have to go through. Hopefully there will be a light at the end of this very dark tunnel, soon.
Thanks again for your sweet comment.
Lisa
xox
Lisa there is always a light just sometimes it is hard to see for the haze.
Anytime.
x,
Becca
Oh honey. You sweet, generous soul. What a dick move. Seriously. I want to strangle him for you. I love that you were so honest about your feelings and I hope it did what you needed it to do – vent, clear out some of the toxicity, put words to feelings. I am here for you like you were there for me recently. Ugh. I gasped out loud when I read this. I hear you and Lily are coming to Austin next week? I’d love to give you the biggest hug ever. I have two little girls you can squeeze, too, and that’s definitely something that will distract you, if just a little bit.
I can’t even imagine. I am thankful you have two awesome kids who are there for you on this dumbest of days. xoxo
Jells, I feel like I was sucker punched. I’m hurting. Your sweet response means a lot to me. I’m feeling the love and I thank you. A hug from you and a smile from Eebs would certainly brighten my day. If I end up moving to Austin, part of me would have to believe that our little blogging friendship was meant to be – like someone was paving a way for me, before I even knew what was coming… It makes me wonder.
I’m just surviving day to day right now. Just breathing and trying to process everything. Yeah, I don’t know what I would have done without my two great kids during this time. Seriously. I know they’re hurting too but at least we have each other. 🙂
I’m looking for that light at the end of the tunnel…
If I could wish for something right now, it would be for quiet in my turbulent head and peace in my heavy heart. (Oh, and to win the lottery! haha!)
Thanks for being such a love.
Lisa
xoxo
Darlin, anytime. Y’all be sure and let me know when/if you’re coming! Addie said she’s super jealous. I would be too 😉
We ‘re coming!! YAY!! We’ll be there on Tuesday. Lily said she has your # so we’ll be calling. xoxox
I’m so sorry that this awful part of life had to happen to you, and not only happen but happen on the holidays. You’ll be in my prayers. Keep your head up – I think you did a great thing by writing about it – hopefully it was a bit cathartic for you, and hopefully you can take comfort from knowing that although we don’t know you, we all hope the best for you!
What a kind and thoughtful comment. It’s amazing how much support I feel from this beautiful community of people. I’m trying to process things and take one day at a time. Having your prayers certainly feels good and comforting. The timing of this is beyond my comprehension – I don’t know how anyone could do this to someone they had a relationship for 27 years with…? It boggles my mind.
Anyway, thanks for dropping by and comforting me with your words. It means a lot to me, it really does. 🙂
Lisa
Lisa,
I’m so sorry. I was just reading Lily’s post, and was confused so I came over here. Words seem amazingly hollow right now. There is a small part of me that thinks your husband is just having a moment of temporary insanity, but please get MAD! And do whatever you have to do within legal limits to feel better. If that means having a bonfire and using his clothing as the kindling, then so be it. Expressing emotion is healthy, and I’m pretty sure you can’t arrest someone for burning your clothing. Okay, don’t take any of my advice, but I’m so sorry. After 27 years you must be in so much shock, plus the holidays and the move…
I love your comment! A bonfire sounds perfect.
It is a lot of shock, only because I put so much, maybe too much, faith in him. I thought ‘Love will keep us together.’ Apparently, the Captain and Tennille song is a big fat lie. haha! Seriously. I swing back and forth between feeling sad and broken and feeling angry. I guess that’s to be expected. I do want to move on with grace and my dignity in tact. I’ve done nothing wrong so I probably shouldn’t start doing crappy things now. I’d like to someday look back and feel proud of myself for handling things well. It’s not easy.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment. I always see you on Lil’s blog and love what you have to say. 🙂
Lisa
xoxo
Your daughter cracks me up! I suppose as long as you have your two kids, all is not lost.
I would require a bonfire, but clearly you are far wiser than me. Good luck to you.
Dear Lisa, You don’t know me; I am relatively new to this community. As I read your post, I held my breath. When I was in college about 1000 years ago, my boyfriend’s father walked out in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner, deciding to leave his family. That might have been the first time I witnessed such abject cruelty, and total self-delusion (but sadly, not the last). I am sorry that your husband followed the path of that despicable loser. It might not look this way now, but deep in my heart I believe you are much better off and you will thrive. You don’t know me; but I hold you in my heart. Hallie Swift
Oh Hallie… you’re so kind. What he did was thoughtless and cruel. I think when a person is riddled with emotional issues they are only able to think of themselves. His world is very self-centered. It’s sad. I feel as though I’ve been on a 27 year odyssey. I’ve learned so many things along the way, albeit painfully, had two beautiful children, and I’m still standing. I hope the future is bright for me, I really do. I may not know you but I can recognize a loving and comforting heart when I see one. Thank you for taking the time to write this thoughtful message. It means a great deal to me.
Lisa 😉
I stand on the sidelines thinking of you, praying for you, hoping for you. A few years ago, two different Christmas letters included the words, “my husband left me this year.” I continue to be astounded by the self-absorption and cruelty of some, yet bouyed by the spirit and resilience of most. You are in the latter category and again, I stand on the sidelines rooting for you.
Hallie Swift, A Swift Current
“Self-absorption and cruelty…” Yes. That’s it. I guess it’s a tall order for me to ask someone, who can’t even feel his own feelings, to try and be sensitive to mine. I suppose I should feel sorry for someone who is so self centered. Think how much he misses out on? He has a very little, superficial life. So sad.
Thanks for all of your care and concern and positive thoughts, Hallie.
Lisa
Lisa,
I don’t know how I missed this post, but I’m checking reader settings now. I’m so sorry for this, and you and your family have my prayers. Words seem painfully inadequate during the storm you are experiencing, but know that I join the many here in the community offering you all the support that I can.
Rachelle
Thanks, Rachelle. Now you know why your post was timely. I was encouraged by a few to write this and as it turns out, it was the right thing to do. I’m definitely in a storm and any prayers you can send my way would be much appreciated.
Thanks for your thoughtfulness.
Lisa
A prayer for you.
I was stumbling along the internet and saw your blog.
Always remember that things may not be the best now, but where there is life there is hope. Things will get better and having gone through the divorce process myself, even though it sucked I find myself in a much better place in my life. In time, you will also.
Aww… thanks, kind Patrick. I’m humbled by the love and concern of strangers. I know you’re right, but I’m feeling very low, crying myself to sleep, anxiety attacks, and such… It’s a scary place right now. The one that I always turned to for security has abandoned me and I’m scared. When I say “scared” I think paralyzed with fear might sum it up. *deep sigh*
I’m glad you lived to tell the tale. I’m happy for you that you came through on the other side. I’ll take that prayer you’re offering – I need all the prayers I can get. Believe it or not I’ve felt them in quiet moments, I really have.
Thanks again.
Lisa
Speechless.
Email sent.
Received. Thank you. xo
OMG Lisa…my heart is paralyzed…I hardly know where to start…but let’s go with what first went through my mind as I was reading…Susie and I would offer our home to you and your son in a heartbeat…we would never allow you all to be without a place to lay your heads. This is crazy, but I know you know that. Susie and I also know that in reality we are complete strangers that you only know through my meandering blog, but we also hope and pray that through those thousands of words I’ve written you get a glimpse of our hearts…as caring people who are absolutely willing to reach out to others who are hurting and help in any way possible.
If you want to talk out of the public view my email is stephenedwards922@gmail.com…and please feel free to write any time.
We are praying for all involved and please keep us posted…we are here for you and your son in any way we can.
Much love from us to you…and Lisa, I have written these next two words thousands of times, but they come straight from my heart…be encouraged!
Hey Stephen. Yes, I do know. You and Susie have such big beautiful hearts, just the offer means the world to me. Thank you kindly and I will contact you by email, should it come to that. I know I would feel comfortable with the two of you. 🙂
I’m in a really bad place. I’ve never felt so low and desperate in my life.
Your prayers are what I need right now.
The response to this post has been an outpouring of love that I hope everyone recognizes is there for them, too. We are blessed to have such a great community that we can turn to in times of need.
Thanks for all the love Stephen. I’m feeling it.
Lisa
Xox
Lisa, we are still reeling…I am on the road…currently in Marion, Arkansas…don’t look for it on Google map…the town has 12,000 incredibly friendly souls who all drive pick-up trucks or ride Harleys and work in area factories…but Susie and I have been texting, emailing, and talking every moment we can…we want you to know we are here to help in any way you need…so if things get tight or if you need someone to just bounce ideas off of we are here.
We love you much…be encouraged!
I’ve only now been able to comment, but wanted to let you know I’ve been sending prayers and loving energy your way all week since receiving your emailed post. I’m so glad you have friends and loved ones to hold you up during this difficult time.
Still holding you in my prayers,
Christy
Christy, you are so sweet. I really do think it’s all the prayers that are keeping me bouyed up. I do feel a swell of goodness coming from everyone– it’s humbling to say the least. Thank you for thinking of me and for your kind prayers.
Lisa
Xox
Hi darling, just wanted to see how you were doing… Nashville, hm, I think you would soon tire of “fried chicken your choice of three sides” – but, the people there are genuinely sweet. Austin, wonderful town, near gorgeous hill country, stimulating atmosphere because of the university… I am going to start sounding like your mama, so brace yourself, it’s time for you to start writing things down. Get a notebook. Write in it every day. Analyze your thought patterns. Patterns. Look out for those patterns. As you know, the very act of writing causes you to think differently – go there – with the intent of improving your state. Head that ship of yours off the rocks and into calmer waters. I say this with LOVE and I KNOW you can do it. You can ban me now for being bossy and maternal (but I hope you don’t). xox, V
If this is bossy and maternal, I’ll take everything you dish out. I need this right now, Vickie. I’m in a hotel in Austin as I write this. I agree, Austin is more sophisticated and artsy. It’s managed to rid itself of the Hee Haw quality that you find so much of in the south. I’m looking for a vibe (not my favorite word) but you know what I mean. I want to feel peaceful and free. My surroundings are important to me, I can’t help it. I grew up in New York, actually 40 minutes from the city in a very tranquil rural setting. I like the idea of having both, a city when I want it and the quiet of the country because I need that. I do want to surround myself with kind and softer people. I’m tired, just in general. Very tired. (by the way, you’re comments are so soothing to me, they really are– intelligence and knowing, wrapped in goodness.)
As soon as I figure out my living arrangements some of my anxiety will dissipate. i hope. I’ll get busy writing and reflecting on the patterns of my life. You’re right in saying that there’s much there to sift through. Answers, confirmation, guidance.
t
I believe your surroundings are a reflection of your personality. Where you’re comfortable is where you need to be. The bone weary fatigue you feel is because you’re in shock – but you are already breaking a pattern by seeking refuge. Austin sounds like the place. Now, know this – there is no geographical cure for depression. Pick up that notebook now. Very informally jot a couple of things down a day. Think of it as a log. I ate this. I slept. I was happy at the grocery store. I was sad when I saw the blue station wagon. I felt liberated on the airplane. Later in the week look it over – find what triggered certain thoughts – see if you can alter your response to negative triggers. You will be training yourself on a very basic level to seek different and positive neural paths. Oh darling, I know this is some of life’s hardest stuff – but you really will evolve through these troubles. Sending you a bundle of love, V
Vickie. My iPad turned off as I was about to thank you.
You’re dear for taking the time to love me up with some good and wise words.
I’m more than appreciative, I’m humbled.
Lisa
OX
Honey, humbled my hiney! This is your moment to kick ass – you just don’t realize it yet. You are moving into a phase of wisdom tempered by experience. Getting there is frightening, but being there is beautiful. Lots of love from your bottle-blonde (aka Old Silver) friend, Vickie
Hi Lisa! Just checking in to say hi and let you know I’m thinking of you! 😀
Just throwing a “HiHowyadoin’?” at you, to let you know that you’re in my thoughts, and that I hope you’re moving on with the same strong sense of self (and hopefully sense of humor when possible) that we all know and admire in you.
I’m okay, I guess? There’s been a turn of events with some housing related issues recently. I have lots to blog about but can’t seem to muster the energy.
I’m glad you have me in your thoughts. I’m not sure how there’s so much room in that head and heart of yours for all the kindness you demonstrate… but I’m sure happy I’m in there. 🙂 You’re a gem of a guy. Thanks, Mr. Guapo. I’m feeling the love.
Hi Lisa. From the number of comments that keep hitting my mailbox, your support group is flourishing and i am pleased to see that. Kudos to them. And I’m with El G and Linda in as much as I think of you regularly and wish nothing but the best. Look forward to some posts as you muster that energy.
Thanks, John. Seriously. Your trips around the globe have provided me with brief escapes from the pain. I live vicariously through blogger friends like you.
You are one of the kindest…
Lisa xo
Reblogged this on Oyia Brown.
You won’t be homeless for Christmas. Speaking from experience of living out of a suitcase and being ‘homeless’ per say, if you stay open, open open open and accept what is offered, you will find much more than ‘places to stay’…so sorry to hear this COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT…news….its a crazy world but this is a gift. you get to find this world now. Its crazy. Keep being thankful every day for things…even milk or shoes. : ) it works. You have much love around you…much much much…I’m sending prayers and love to you!!!! It does keep you afloat!!! LOVELOVELOVELOVE~~~
Coming from you, with all your experience, I feel better. I have thought of you throughout this ordeal. Your positive, life-affirming posts give me hope. Keep shining the light for me… You’re a great inspriration.
All my love xoxox
Lisa
P.S. I also hope Neil gets hit by a truck. And here’s my email if you just wanna say hi ever or keep in touch there…judywolf@rocketmail.com
Ahahahahahhaha! Thank you for that!!! You’re the best!!!
I am so sorry. I went through a breakup (divorce) quite some time ago. I spent Christmas Eve alone for the only time in my life. I know that you are hurting and the part of me that remembers what that is like, hurts right along with you.There are better days ahead, but you don’t beieve that right now, and I understand.
I vote for the truck as well.
Tim
What a heartfelt comment, Tim. I’m so blown away by everyone’s caring and thoughtfulness. Thanks for the empathy. It really does give me hope when I know others have gone through the same thing and have made it through to the other side. I’m sorry that you had that experience but look, you’ve used it to help me. I’m glad you understand.
the truck… Haha! Me too!
Lisa
I don’t know you. You don’t know me.
We’re from different worlds.
But we share that feeling. Your whole life ripped apart with one careless remark.
You will get through this, and I guarantee you it won’t be easy.
But it will be so utterly worthwhile to one day wake up, and realise, you have your life back.
You have YOU back – and that’s why you should push through this. It’s the only way forward.
I may not know you but your words ring very true and I love you for taking the time to share this. The idea of having my life back, having the real ME back, well, that would be worth all the pain and struggle.
I’m wondering why you say we’re from different worlds?
I like the world you’re from- a kind, caring, encouraging world.
thank you!!!
Lisa
Knowing that your sorrows are shared, does do something to how you handle it.
And trying to lighten another’s load with some kind words is always only a pleasure 😉
Ghia
I wish I’d read this sooner. Please know I’m sending you energy for strength, clarity and healing. I can tell by your posts you are strong so I also send unshakable faith in you. Saying many prayers for your blessings and well being.
Thanks so much for the boost. I welcome those prayers for energy, clarity, healing and faith. You got it so right — just the things I need at this time.
You’ve got a beautiful spirit.
Thank you again!
Lisa
Oh, Lisa. I’m so sorry this happened. I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to see this. Just read your last post, I see you are feeling better. That’s a real bomb to drop on you, especially on Thanksgiving. I’m happy you feel the support of this community. People are so supportive and genuine here. It’s good you reached out to people. I hope in time, everyone in your family will be happier. I know you are strong.
Lisa!! Oh my. I had been wondering why I haven’t gotten any posts from you since just before Thanksgiving, but between being away then and having knee surgery, I figured you were taking a break (you had mentioned a writer’s blockish thing) and was waiting… I didn’t think to just stop over, because your posts always come to my in box. This morning, seeing your response on my page was such a sweet thing, but it was so brief for you, and I got a sudden uneasy feeling… here I am.
THIS is so unbelievably horrible, that I re-read the first 2 paragraphs several times, and then kept expecting an aha moment— someone, your husband, your partner, would not do this to another person ever, let alone after being married so long… unless there had been loads of signs, which there seem not to have been. I am utterly shocked. And who the hell, when they’ve clearly had time to think it through, etc, does all of this on the holidays?? Seriously Neil! If for no other reason than the years spent together, an ounce of compassion?
Sorry, I guess I’m angry with you. Interesting how we therapists lose our usual therapeutic cool when this kind of thing hits home, n’est ce pas?
I want to say: fear not, this will all move on. It will, but I also know too well that it will be a while. This is a death, not like one. A move and huge change is ahead of you and that brings stress as well… however, it may also bring a very fresh and positive new perspective. In posts before this, you had felt like big changes were coming. You were grappling with the move and new lifestyle out west, leaving your home, etc… all of that will still be there for you. You will lick your wounds, lick them again, and then you will truly start fresh. That, my friend, my cyber friend who I care about, will help a lot. Big, warm, sincere hugs. A soothing hand on your forehead and and extra hug for good measure. Glad you shared.
It’s so awful, Dawn. I think it’s the timing and the way he did it that was so devastating. We’ve had bumps along the way but it was my sense that after the children had left the nest, we would work hard to rekindle our marriage, and if we couldn’t, we’d part ways as friends and it would be healthy and loving. Instead I got this very cowardly and cruel news dropped on me like it was nothing – on cell phone! Now I just feel so unloved and uncared for. 27 years! It was like a major sucker punch. I keep thinking about him having a double life and it makes me ill. It also hurts like hell.
I gave this marriage 100% of my energy – everything I had went into loving a man who wouldn’t, and I guess couldn’t, love himself. Eventually, one day, I’ll write a very stirring and haunting post with regard to the psychological components of all this…
Therapeutic cool… I’m trying to keep my dignity and to be thoughtful but it’s not easy.
You are a love for giving me hugs and caring deeply. I know you do. I want to carry your words of encouragement with me so that I can have access to that wisdom and comfort when I need it. Thanks, my kind friend.
Lots of love,
Lisa
xox
You have every right to every one of those feelings. This is truly one of the most cowardly, shitty, insensitive things I’ve read or heard about in a very long time… I can’t even imagine Lisa, truly. I know YOU will prevail. You are a strong person, and you’ll come back stronger… but this is a really lousy kick to the gutt (bigger than a sucker punch, me thinks). Hang in there, you are clearly much loved. 🙂
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Thank you!!
Reblogged this on WTF? (Where's the faith?) and commented:
Just to drive the point home that I certainly AM NOT ALONE! Yes, our situations are a wee bit different, but my sentiments EXACTLY! Wow, the blogging world sure is a gift to me! Thank you! Thank you for your courage to put this out there!
Thanks for reblogging it. I feel bolstered up by your love and support. I’m still walking around in a daze, still crying, I just want the pain to end. I hope this helps someone else- we are a community, after all. Glad we have each other. You came around at a perfect time. Thanks again.
Lisa